Page 3 | Child's First Mobile Phone

Original poster

MumInTraining66 · 14/12/2023 18:55

slithytoveisascientist · 13/12/2023 16:14

My son got his age 10

We went second hand iPhone as we all have iPhones z

It's connected to our Apple storage and find my iPhone

Totally locked down.

He was limited to only the apps we put on it, the screen time we allowed, the contacts we put on it. Literally everything he wanted to do came as a request for us.

He didn't have a browser or WhatsApp at first.

He does now but browser is locked down we have to approve every webpage.

No social media. Can't download or delete apps without permission. We still restrict his screen time.

Just out of interest - you say that he was 10. How old is he now, if you don't mind me asking. And does he pressure you/does he get pressure from friends for social media sites? I'm just curious of what is to come. As my son has asked for Tik Tok, for instance already (it was a few months ago and he's given up now lol) but he's still in the last yr of primary school, so I can imagine the onslaught when he moves on!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

MumInTraining66 · 14/12/2023 19:10

SecondUsername4me · 13/12/2023 16:19

My dc got theirs for their 11bday (early into year 6) and I'm also of the opinion that it's better then, when you know the mums, know the friends, can be very hands on with checking It and parental controls etc.

Dd is now fully entrenched into secondary school and I couldn't imagine having to handle the whole "they have a mobile phone" thing at the same time as trying to settle into a new school.

I also genuinely do not understand how anyone's 13/14yo gets on without one - my dc is often facetiming friends evenings and weekends they do homework together online, the school uses an online portal for homework, she can message her friends to arrange meet ups etc.

I would actually be genuinely interested if anyone who currently has a 13/14yo at mainstream secondary could tell me a bit about their experiences.

Thanks for your comments. Yes, I totally agree. There is some comfort in knowing that they are getting used to phones whilst using them to be in contact with people that you also know well. Rather have him chatting to me about 'Josh' messaging again about coming over at the weekend, than about an unknown "Bob" who he doesn't want to discuss because I don't know him. I feel it may lead to secrecy or just (as a teenager) thinking they are too cool to tell you.

It's basically about trying to create a connection with your child early on and then carrying that on into & through secondary school. I'm making it sound so simple - probably won't be, but.....

I just remember when I was a kid - way back - that it was a horrible feeling when I felt my parents (dad particularly) didn't trust me. I feel there's a decent chance of your child doing the right thing if you give them some freedom but with guidance and ground rules to keep them safe, ensuring that they know that's why those rules are in place.

OP posts:

slithytoveisascientist · 14/12/2023 23:00

@MumInTraining66 he is still ten but about to turn 11

He has WhatsApp now but can only add contacts we allow

No social media - he keeps asking but he knows it's a no

ObliviousCoalmine · 15/12/2023 07:44

I've come to realise that parents of pre-teens talking about how they plan to approach their child using mobile phones, is very much akin to the cosy bubble of pregnancy when you're also convinced you'll never get stressed or give your child a wotsit at a party when they're four etc.

When they're 13/14/15, it is the absolute Wild West. They all have phones. They all organise everything on them. They all do their homework on them. They have group factime calls while they get ready to meet up. It is a huge part of their school and social life.

You'll also be very glad of them having a decent phone when you can have a location tracker on it so you know they've got the bus (they will forget to text you, despite you asking them to), or when you're picking them up from somewhere and the best locations information they have is "I'm by a big tree, I dunno, the big tree mum?". The other huge plus is if you've a teen who doesn't like having 'big' conversations, they tend to be much more receptive to them via text/whatsapp.

The world and phones etc is not the same as it was 20 years ago, and we can't expect them to conform to an ideal we have of a childhood/parenting approach formed from that time period.

The best you can do is be completely open, don't make weird hardline rules (they're less sneaky and less likely to try to hide things if you give them fewer reasons to) and you communicate with them as much as possible. Teach them how to have their own personal boundaries, not yours. And stay one step ahead at all times in relation to tech (and other things, but I digress). Don't ever be in a position where you're saying "oh I don't know how this has happened, I don't understand how Snapchat works" etc. that's the beginning of the end of the world.

Angrycat2768 · 15/12/2023 07:49

MumInTraining66 · 11/12/2023 19:25

I'm agonising over a first mobile phone for our 11 year old son - he'll be starting secondary school next Sept, and a while ago one mum strongly advised, get them a phone the year before, when you know their circle of friends already, and so the people in his phone will be kids you are already familiar with, and he'll get used to it whilst communicating with his old buddies. Sounds like good advise to me as he's at our very small village school at the moment and secondary school is at least 10 times the size. A bit daunting - especially for me, as we know everyone in the kids current little school.
But, where do I start? Any advise for a first phone (we really can't spend a fortune); and what to have on it, and what not..... I'd love to hear your advice, warnings, and experiences.
Obviously, as parents, we just want to keep them safe and I know that many issues can come with phones, so just looking for some guidance. Thank you in advance..... 🙏

In my experience they all put numbers in their phones on the last day of year 6, then only keep in touch with the ones they want to anyway, then end up putting their new friends into WhatsApp or whatever anyway, so a phone in year 5 is pointless for that reason. I put Family Link on mines phone, which tracks them, and also let's you ration phone time. I still have issues with their device usage but I can control their phone.

Peacheroo · 15/12/2023 08:16

ObliviousCoalmine · 15/12/2023 07:44

I've come to realise that parents of pre-teens talking about how they plan to approach their child using mobile phones, is very much akin to the cosy bubble of pregnancy when you're also convinced you'll never get stressed or give your child a wotsit at a party when they're four etc.

When they're 13/14/15, it is the absolute Wild West. They all have phones. They all organise everything on them. They all do their homework on them. They have group factime calls while they get ready to meet up. It is a huge part of their school and social life.

You'll also be very glad of them having a decent phone when you can have a location tracker on it so you know they've got the bus (they will forget to text you, despite you asking them to), or when you're picking them up from somewhere and the best locations information they have is "I'm by a big tree, I dunno, the big tree mum?". The other huge plus is if you've a teen who doesn't like having 'big' conversations, they tend to be much more receptive to them via text/whatsapp.

The world and phones etc is not the same as it was 20 years ago, and we can't expect them to conform to an ideal we have of a childhood/parenting approach formed from that time period.

The best you can do is be completely open, don't make weird hardline rules (they're less sneaky and less likely to try to hide things if you give them fewer reasons to) and you communicate with them as much as possible. Teach them how to have their own personal boundaries, not yours. And stay one step ahead at all times in relation to tech (and other things, but I digress). Don't ever be in a position where you're saying "oh I don't know how this has happened, I don't understand how Snapchat works" etc. that's the beginning of the end of the world.

That's a very good post!