Please tell me single life will be ok?

[cannotdoitanymore]

After much to-ing and fro-ing for far too many years, I've decided to end a relationship with an emotionally abusive man. It's been 8 years and we have a young child (2 years old), so it's going to be tough. But I cannot do it anymore. My other thread in mental health will explain why - he makes everything so much worse with his awful behaviour towards me and I've let it slide for far too long. No more. I'm going to start my steps to freedom from him in the new year.

I'm so scared to take the steps but cautiously optimistic and excited for my future without this dead weight of a man.

I'm 38 and a single mum... please tell me I'll find happiness again and not be alone forever? 😬

You may meet someone else, or you may not

Either way, it'll be fine

I'm sure you have a happy and fulfilling life ahead of you

You probably need to do some counselling and learn to be happy with yourself and your child. Your view that happiness will only come through another man will not end well.

I’m 38 and a single parent and I love it! My house is a man-free zone. Peaceful, lovely, fragrant.

Don’t rush in to looking for a new partner. Try to work on yourself and get comfortable being alone. Try to enjoy it! And only let a man in if he MASSIVELY improves your quality of life. Anything else is a waste.

I am soooooo happy alone. My mum can't understand it. Maybe I'll date again one day but I love my life. Hope you can find happiness too x

Yup pretty much this.
Some men will blend families, others won't consider getting into a relationship with a single mum.

Either way, wishing you all the best.

Thanks everyone. Can't help but feel sad that it feels like I wasted 8 years of my life. I'm almost 40. How did I get here? Where did those years go and why did I let this idiot take so many of them. 😞

@alwaysmovingforwards

I understand that, because I wouldn't consider a relationship with a single father either. Unless his kids are grown up.

The years are only wasted if you don't learn

You'll only be happy if you choose to be. No one outside of you can make you happy

Dwelling and self-pity won’t help; you’re better off planning your next steps logistically and financially.

Writing off single dads whilst simultaneously lamenting about wanting to find love again makes it sound a bit like you’re waiting for a knight in shining armour to rescue you and give you purpose. That will never end well. Like others have said you need to focus on making your own life and your child’s better, not expecting someone else to do it.

@Crababbles

That's a bit unfair. I have good reasons for "writing off " single dads - this hasn't worked out well for me in the past so I am entitled to that choice in future. I am not wanting anyone to "rescue me" either and I'm not sure where you got that from my post.

If you read my other thread I was literally suicidal 24 hours ago partly because of this man's awful influence on my life. I've been emotionally abused and battered down by him for so long I don't know which way is up anymore. Bit of an insult to imply I want to be "rescued". Finding the courage to finally be rid of him is rescuing myself is it not.

☝🏻 This.

Lone parent here! I've found happiness I'm being single. Sounds cheesy, but my life is brilliant with just me, my young child and my cat. I have wonderful friends, hobbies and enjoy my own company too. Men will still exist when my DC is grown up.

Lone parent. I've tried relationships but I have learnt I am truly happy alone. I'm comfortable in my own skin, I know my worth and I love my life. I may be single but I am happy.

I think this is excellent advice. I’ve been single for almost 7 years and whilst I sometimes think that it would be nice to have someone to do stuff with, share moments etc, I haven’t met one for whom I’m willing to make room for in my life. I have a house, car, job, dog and DD with me 50% of the time. I don’t want to compromise on any of that.

It will be fine, whatever happens. Learn to love the life you shape.

After my shit show of a marriage - which I retrospectively realised was abusive - I've stayed single by choice for 5.5 years.

I can't say that I'm happy as such, but I'm pretty content in my simple life with my twin DC, cats, work aspirations and mates.

Sometimes a relationship can add value to one's life, but it's really not something I'd even be musing upon 24 hours after feeling suicidal and still not having left an abusive man, with a young child to prioritise.

I posted under a different account when my marriage ended earlier this year. I'm 43 and we were together for over 20 years. I will always remember what someone posted on that thread -

You will soon meet someone wonderful. Yourself without the weight of that man holding you down.

I've not been looking for anyone else yet. But I have been doing a lot of work on myself. I can already feel a huge difference in myself in these few short months. I know that whatever happens, I will be alright. And you will be too OP.

Many single mums I've known meet someone else and live happily ever after. I mean, you only have to look on here at people with children from previous relationships too.

It didn't happen for me, or not yet. It isn't difficult anymore because I've realised I'm happy on my own until I meet the right guy. That's the mindset to adopt and I wish I'd realised it sooner.

OP you just need to keep looking forward and seeing new opportunities.

I've been single for 8 years and there are some lovely elements to it.

Having the bed to myself - no snoring, lots of good sleep
A tidier house, a clean bathroom
Watching what I want on tv
Eating much healthier food
Having a house full of music and flowers.
No compromises, no nasty financial surprises
Raising my child without ds seeing drunkenness etc

Develop some hobbies, make some new friends, put yourself first for a year or two, then see how you feel. Be very picky. 🙂

I can more or less guarantee you your life will improve immeasurably after you leave this man. I would bet my house on it. Single life is a joy after this.

You may or may not meet someone else. Either way you will be happier. Whatever you do though don't try to find someone else to fill the gap.

I finally left my partner a couple of months ago after 20 years together. I feel at peace just being out of the negative atmosphere and away from the psychological warfare.
When I do see him now, he says or does something every time which reinforces that I have made the right decision.

Well done OP it is difficult. I’m a similar age and left a long relationship and recognise the feeling of worry that you won’t find someone again. The thing is I am now so happy by myself, there are actually plenty of fish in the sea, but the bar is now so much higher for someone to be allowed to enter my life.

I’m not prepared to do ALL the wife work again, I want someone who adds to my life and makes me happy, (and likewise I don’t want a man with kids). You know what-it’s early days but I have found someone who meets those standards. It might work out, it might not. But life is too short to be with someone who makes you miserable.

Good luck, focus on you and your child.

You haven’t even left your partner yet, were suicidal and calling crisis teams less than a day ago and yet you’re posting about being afraid to be alone and potential future suitors.

You have two daughters from this and your previous relationship who need you to be strong and stable enough to parent them properly. As everyone else has said, they need to be your focus, not worrying about being single. Plenty of women are successful and happy single parents and plenty of people find love as single parents (as you already have once). Good luck to you and your daughters.

You really need to concentrate on getting out of the relationship you're currently part of, giving your daughters a stable and loving home life, and modelling strength and independence as a single mother without a man anywhere near you, for several years. If you can't envisage a happy single life for yourself you are doomed to crappy relationships and your daughters will not only have to go through all of that trauma, but will also repeat your mistakes.

Gee thanks I'm now wishing I hadn't posted this with all the doom and gloom.