@cannotdoitanymore
I think what the other poster was saying cause of what you have been through it it's been obviously Hellish relantship,
we are all often as not, programmed by society's expections that being a relantship completes us, and being single is like being on your own loneliness,
It's really not in reality as you and others and myself have found out the hard way,
You can be in abusive relantship ,marriage or unfortunately be born to a abusive family dynamics,
and feel still incredibly lonely at times,
you can however be content with yourself and be single
No man or female completes us, not only is that the path of chaos, dramas bonkers,
it's ourselves as individuals who can create the life we want to have,
I would seriously consirder going into good therapy to address the issue or issues that acctracted to a man like this in the first place?
does it go back to as far as childhood upbringing or something else what is is it?
Also make a list of everything that's possibilities of doing, that was difficult to do cause of the kind of relationship you were in,
Make a list of support you can garner such as family, friends mumsnet ect
very important to have beneficial emotionally hobbies interests too,
also make sure you take care of yourself too eating healthy on budget ect
Is it possible for you to pamper yourself once a month or so by treating yourself to complementary therapies treatments,
even joining a mother and babies swimming sessions
is there other types of mother and babies groups out there too, you can join up see what they are like,