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Original poster

Would you expect OH to look after sick toddler?

74 replies

Sleepy987 · 11/12/2023 11:19

I currently have flu so I’m off work and my toddler is also really poorly. I’m solo parenting whilst my DH goes to work but man I’m struggling. Would you expect your other half take the day off work to look after toddler whilst you focused on getting better yourself or would you just suck it up and solo parent whilst feeling like death? Is this just “parenting”? 😂

OP posts:
WishIMite · 11/12/2023 11:20

If it was serious flu I.e. unable to get out bed etc then he would have to. Otherwise, you plough on unfortunately.

alkinetyh · 11/12/2023 11:22

Yeah i did when i had pnumonia and couldn’t lift toddler as i’d broken my ribs from coughing so much.

He did, reluctantly, and spent all day on conference calls yelling at me to keep the baby quiet because he was working.

We’re divorced now :-)

He should be volunteering to take the day off to be the primary caregiver as you are unable to do that role effectively.

Oreosareawful · 11/12/2023 11:22

When I was pregnant with my first, a friend told me you never get a day off sick once you become a mum, and she was right.
Your husband needs to work and you have to keep going.

Roundycippae · 11/12/2023 11:23

I would for DW, though I’d probably try to WFH if possible. Have an understanding work though, people are always off or WFH while looking after sick kids, or collecting them from school etc and it’s not a big deal.

Crunchybiscuit1 · 11/12/2023 11:24

Yes I would expect him to take time off work, preferably paid carer’s leave.

mindutopia · 11/12/2023 11:25

It depends on how ill I was. More than likely, I'd be managing through working hours, but mornings and evenings would be all him. I'd go to bed as soon as he walked in the door. If I was so ill that I couldn't function and keep them safe, yes, he'd take the day mostly off, but he's self-employed, so he can take off when he wants anyway.

Rudolphtherednoseddog · 11/12/2023 11:32

Depends on his work and how ill is ill. My DH has taken time off in those situations when he can but sometimes it’s almost impossible - if he’s got clients flying in long haul from abroad specifically to see him then nothing short of “my wife is in intensive care” is going to cut it. We do have family who would step in if situation was actually unsafe/I was bedridden, but if it was just a case of I felt awful I took meds, used TV a lot and got on with it.

DH would have done absolutely everything when he was at home though, including leaving us with lunch made and in fridge.

TheIndecisiveElf · 11/12/2023 11:35

Properly ill, of course he should take the day off.

TheShellBeach · 11/12/2023 11:37

Your husband needs to work and you have to keep going

Looking after children is also work.

If a man is ill himself, he takes sick leave. He doesn't "keep going".

Mariposista · 11/12/2023 11:38

Unless I was so so ill I couldn’t get out of bed or bathroom, I wouldn’t be removing myself from my young child as it would frighten him.
But of course DH is able to shoulder a bit more if I am ill or busy. As I do for him. We work similar amount of hours anyway so pretty much have it sussed.

SecondUsername4me · 11/12/2023 11:41

Nothing wrong with saying to him "I need you to be off tomorrow to look after the toddler as I'm too ill to do it, and they are poorly too"

dontforgetme · 11/12/2023 11:41

No I wouldn't, if both me and dc were poorly I would camp on the sofa and watch kids films. It's tricky for my oh to take off work unless it's pre booked annual leave as he's all over the country.

biostudent · 11/12/2023 11:43

The only time my partner has taken time off work because I was unwell was when I physically couldn't leave the bed, even to be sick (bucket by the bed). Other than that, I've just got on with it. Make it easy for yourself by having freezer dinners, easy snacks and movies/tv/tablet time as much as you need it. There have been days where we've had the tv on/tablet time from 6am wake up until 7pm bedtime because of illness, but I've never expected my partner to take time off work for it, only the once. Plus there was only one day where my partner was due to have the toddler while I went to work and my partner and both my toddler and my 10 year old came down with a stomach bug at the same time, so I took the day off because he physically couldn't stand up from being so ill.

SaltyGod · 11/12/2023 11:44

Depends on his work and how sick I am.

My DH would if he could (eg didn’t have in office meetings) or he’d come home early to scoop up the kids and send me to bed.

I’d feel bad asking though, I’d have to be really poorly.

TheCompactPussycat · 11/12/2023 11:46

TheShellBeach · 11/12/2023 11:37

Your husband needs to work and you have to keep going

Looking after children is also work.

If a man is ill himself, he takes sick leave. He doesn't "keep going".

So if "a man" is ill and his toddler happens to be ill at the same time, would the woman be expected to take a day off work to look after the toddler so the man could concentrate on getting better?

If it applies one way, then it has to apply the other way round. Personally I think unless the poorly parent is actually too ill to function at all, then it makes sense for them to look after the poorly child instead of expecting the entire family to grind to a halt.

Cornwallsummer · 11/12/2023 11:46

Unless I physically couldn't get out of bed no I wouldn't. I might ssk him to make some lunch and leave out and he would take over once he got home

mammamummym · 11/12/2023 11:47

For flu yes but do you actually have flu? If so you'll be bed bound and he should be there. I'd it's just one of these yukky viruses I'd say no. He has to work.

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/12/2023 11:49

If it was possible for him to have time off work, absolutely.

Mothers shouldn't be expected to just get on with it, unless we also have the same expectation for fathers.

SnapdragonToadflax · 11/12/2023 11:51

Yes, my partner would and has taken time off work when I've been too ill to parent. Both times I had a very high fever and was out of it, I couldn't have stayed awake to look after a then baby/toddler if I'd tried.

Rotten cold, general malaise but ok to mooch on the sofa - no, he'd go to work.

We both work full time, so it's usually a case of 'who is well enough to do the nursery/school run'.

budgiegirl · 11/12/2023 11:51

If you have genuine flu - can't get out of bed, can't eat, struggle to even get to the toilet - then yes, your husband needs to look after your toddler, as it's not possible for you to do it.

If you can get up, wrap yourself up on the sofa, have a duvet day watching tv with your toddler, are able to get yourself drinks/snacks etc, then it's fine for your husband to go to work. It would be good if he could make your lunch and put it in the fridge before he goes, keep his work day a short as possible etc. But I would expect the same in reverse - if he's off sick, then he will have to look after the toddler while you go to work.

It's hard, but it's part of parenting unfortunately. I once had to look after myself and my two toddlers while pregnant, while we all had a stomach bug. Worse 24 hours of my life! My DH was working away at the time. We all just got into bed together, bowls, towels and a jug of squash on hand, stuck on the TV and did the best we could.

JaninaDuszejko · 11/12/2023 11:53

For flu yes but do you actually have flu? If so you'll be bed bound and he should be there.

75% of people who have flu have no symptoms. You cannot tell if you have a cold or flu by your symptoms.

DH and I always took turns taking annual leave to look after sick DC but since you are poorly and at home with the DC anyway I wouldn't expect your DH to take annual leave to look after me and the baby. Possibly WFH so he can make lunch for you all assuming you're not able but today is a day for you and your DC being cuddled up on the sofa not doing much.

tearsandtiaras · 11/12/2023 11:56

It depends on the context. How sick are you? Will he get paid? How will it affect his work?

I was a lone parent from when DD was 2 and her father walked out, and had to cope alone with DD 24/7 regardless of illness. I remember some awful days where I had pnemonia and DD was camped under my bed when she was 3.
I know other parents in the same position who have had flu and solo parented several children under 5.

You do what you can to get by. If your circumstances afford your family capacity to allow you time to recover in bed - take them .

Hope you feel better soon 💐

UsingChangeofName · 11/12/2023 12:06

Totally depends on the circumstances.
Some people work in jobs where they can be more flexible. Others don't.
Some people have annual leave left, that they are able to take at this time of year and at short notice but many people don't.

As a rule, it is just 'parenting' though. You snuggle on to the sofa with whatever occupies them best.

madaboutmad · 11/12/2023 12:06

I think I'd soldier on unless I was really really ill. Just a fact of parenting. Wait until everyone's ill, that's even more fun.

Hope you don't feel too bad

Ontheperiphery79 · 11/12/2023 12:08

I think you misunderstand what 'solo parenting actually is...