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Original poster

His response to his ex... what do you make of this?

60 replies

Landoftime · 11/12/2023 00:50

Newish partner, things are going well and all the rest if it. However I unintentionally noticed his ex in his phone messages. It was her telling him she misses him and he responded with two kisses. What do you think of this? I just looking for outside perspectives. That seems to be the only interaction since they split and I'm certain they haven't seen eachother since. Ami giving this too much thought?

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 11/12/2023 00:55

That seems to be the only interaction since they split

How long ago did they split? If that was his last message to her three years ago you're safe. Split last week then run.

LauderSyme · 11/12/2023 00:57

Based on what you've written I think I'd put his response down to him being kind and not wanting to cause hurt, rather than regretting their break up and yearning to get back with her.

Original poster
Landoftime · 11/12/2023 01:01

Sorry, maybe I didn't make it clear. The messages are dated from 6 days ago.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 11/12/2023 01:04

Landoftime · 11/12/2023 01:01

Sorry, maybe I didn't make it clear. The messages are dated from 6 days ago.

Ok, but when did they split up?

LittleGreenDragons · 11/12/2023 01:05

Again, how long ago did they split?

If they split 3 years ago, and she messaged whilst feeling down eg possibly anniversary of her grans death, then I agree with pp.

IHateLegDay · 11/12/2023 01:06

Oh I just wouldn't even bother getting involved.
Why would he even reply to that??

ChiIIieP · 11/12/2023 01:09

How come you checked his messages?

thebestinterest · 11/12/2023 01:15

RED FLAG 🚩

Aprilx · 11/12/2023 01:27

If they recently split up then yes this would be a concern, you need to clarify on that point.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 11/12/2023 01:29

I wouldn't worry about that reply really, it's a kind of 'aww sorry', it's not like he's encouraged her.

Barleysugar86 · 11/12/2023 01:30

I put two kisses as a kind acknowledgment but to discourage any further conversation. I would see this as him not wanting to continue the conversation personally, whilst also not trying to be rude.

LauderSyme · 11/12/2023 01:39

It is a bit disingenuous of you to say you "unintentionally noticed his ex in his phone messages". That may be true but you must have intentionally opened the message thread to know what the dialogue was, and that it was their only interaction since splitting.

I'm not sure your partner is the one waving a red flag here.

steff13 · 11/12/2023 01:52

I'm going to have to echo the others' questions - how long have they been apart, how long have you been together, why were you looking at his messages? I know you said you happened to see it, but you must have looked more to see that it was an isolated message.

Firefly2009 · 11/12/2023 02:21

We need to know when they broke up and how long you've been with him.

filthypride · 11/12/2023 02:27

Going through a partners phone to read messages from 6 days ago.... such an invasion of privacy. Seems you already don't trust him. I am more concerned about your prying than him replying only with a couple of xx's.

CurlewKate · 11/12/2023 02:51

My dp and I have had iPhones since the hey started. Neither of us had ever "unintentionally" seen a message.

Don't you trust him, OP?

Wisdomisnotwise · 11/12/2023 03:01

Agree with others. It's a massive red flag that you checked his phone in so much detail as to know what message has been received, sent and that it's the only communication since they split.

CatchHimDerry · 11/12/2023 03:03

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 11/12/2023 01:29

I wouldn't worry about that reply really, it's a kind of 'aww sorry', it's not like he's encouraged her.

Agreed, this wouldn’t really bother me unless more was said

WandaWonder · 11/12/2023 04:09

So he showed you these messages, why?

Original poster
Landoftime · 11/12/2023 08:10

To answer a few questions -

I saw the message as it came through and I saw him respond. He doesn't know that I seen this as far as I'm aware.

We have been together just a few months. Their relationship was starting to fizzle out before we got together. Our relationships did not overlap.

OP posts:
Catza · 11/12/2023 08:30

A few months in and you are already checking his messages? Yeah, this is never going to work.

RoachFish · 11/12/2023 08:50

I would have preferred a different response from him, one where he dismisses her a bit more, but it is possible to miss people without wanting to get back together I guess. It's hard during the early stages of a relationship when you haven't yet figured out how trustworthy the other person it. Keep communications open and let him know how it made you feel. It's quite possible that he has no idea.

Ploctopus · 11/12/2023 08:52

I think that message was a bit of a brush off from him - he’s not engaging her but not being cold either. As a one off I wouldn’t mind too much but if he keeps responding to messages from her (and doesn’t say ‘I’m in a new relationship, please stop texting me’) I would see that as a red flag

Bireadwhatiread · 11/12/2023 08:54

Yeah. He can't lie so he's pacifying her with kisses, not words.

I would do that if I didn't miss them but didn't want to hurt their feelings

Bireadwhatiread · 11/12/2023 08:55

RoachFish · 11/12/2023 08:50

I would have preferred a different response from him, one where he dismisses her a bit more, but it is possible to miss people without wanting to get back together I guess. It's hard during the early stages of a relationship when you haven't yet figured out how trustworthy the other person it. Keep communications open and let him know how it made you feel. It's quite possible that he has no idea.

In real life though we can't just cut everyone out. It might be that even if the relationship was bad there are times you miss the good bits.

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