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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when you know its time to put your pet to sleep?

89 replies

Cleanbedsheets · 10/12/2023 22:24

My dog is 13, she is now completely blind and yesterday she had a fit amd temporarily lost the use of her back legs. It was the most terrifying experience I've ever witnessed. I rushed her to the emergency vets and she wasn't very pleasant. Said she is an old girl, and she can feel hard lumps in her mammary area which may or may not be cancer. She then asked if I would be taking her home or putting her to sleep.

I was shocked at the question, she is old but she still has a good life.

Then I looked at her tonight and noticed that she hadn't really moved all day. She has eaten and drank but has barely engaged with us and has peed on rug twice. Which is unlike her.

I am taking her to my usual vets tomorrow to have some advice and get her checked over.

Dp amd I have both agreed that we wouldn't want her going under anaesthetic to confirm if lumps are cancer, given her age.

She seems so sad and no energy. I don't want her to suffer but maybe I could push it out a bit longer if she isn't in any pain.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Keilagh · 10/12/2023 22:25

When there are more bad days than good

christmaspaws · 10/12/2023 22:26

I think you're there

If you push the time, it's for you and not her Flowers always better too early than too late

I was a little early with my cat but he wasn't going to improve and actually the waiting was the worst. He went having felt no pain or suffering, he was just frail and elderly and would only have gone downhill
To me it was the equivalent of being 85 and saying nope, enough. I could have pushed it but he then might have needed emergency vets and I wanted to be calm and him not in pain at 3am

Original poster
Cleanbedsheets · 10/12/2023 22:31

@christmaspaws this makes sense. Thank you

OP posts:
Raindancer411 · 10/12/2023 22:31

I had this with my dog and just as I thought that was it, she rallied. As someone said it's when it's more bad than good. See what advice your usual vet says.

It's hard, I just lost both my dogs within two months of each other. One had heart issues and she chose her time... my other I had to make the choice for and it was heart wrenching. I only knew it was time as we hadn't been able to get her to eat at all and her she couldn't get up one morning. When we went to see what the results were from the emergency, they said it was kidney failure, although we had no signs, and they could try and therapy. The vet was honest and had done the same with her dog and it had made it worse, and her numbers were meant to be 8 and were 51! I couldn't see her like it so I stayed with her until the end. I still think about it each day and miss them both so much. I wish I had one more day with them x

Didimum · 10/12/2023 22:32

When you are keeping them alive for you and not for them. Animals don’t look forward to life like humans do, so I do think it’s a shame to keep them here for our benefit or for the argument of ‘more life left in them’ when it’s really just a half life.

You’re not unreasonable however to not take their decision at he emergency vet. You should take some time to come to terms with it.

HostessTrolley · 10/12/2023 22:33

It's such a hard decision to make, it feels wrong and feel like you're playing god, choosing the day....

With our boy, who we had from 12 weeks old to 14 1/2, it was realising that he could no longer do the things he enjoyed, he was just laid watching everyone else live. He had to be lifted into the garden to toilet, had strongly suspected cancer but hated the vets so we wouldn't have wanted to put him through treatment with limited chance of success - he was just the best boy and I would rather put myself through the pain of making the decision and sitting with him as he passed, than have him suffering and frightened.

It's just the hardest thing, but they've given you so much love, you need to let them go in love and dignity and peace, not wait for pain and trauma x

Lizzieregina · 10/12/2023 22:35

Definitely see what your own vet says, but I agree that you should only prolong her life if it’s for her, not you.

Does she enjoy her food? Does she like her walks? How about tail wagging?

Is she having accidents frequently! My dog hated having accidents, he’d look guilty and upset as it wasn’t the norm.

Better a week too early than a day too late. A peaceful ending is the last good thing you can do for your pet.

ThinWomansBrain · 10/12/2023 22:42

Only had to do it once, but on the advice of the vet - although I understand waiting to see your regular vet.

Also have horrible recollections of spending most of Christmas day a few years ago with my sister and her dog - we did take him home on boxing day, but he died a few days after that. it was really sad, we were fortunate the vet turned on Christmas day.

Sorry, its an awful time of year, but it does sound as if her quality of life is seriously compromised.

Pottedpalm · 10/12/2023 22:43

Sadly it sounds as though the time is now. I left it late with my dear little cat and she had a heart attack and died at the vet’s without me to soothe her and say goodbye ( covid).

caringcarer · 10/12/2023 22:53

The vet told me my cats good days were now in his past and ahead he would only have bad days. It hurt like hell but spurred me into agreeing to put him to sleep. He was 18 and such a lovely affectionate boy. I have a large photo of him in my hall so he is the first thing I see when I open my door.

theresastormcoming · 10/12/2023 22:56

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Hummusanddipdip · 10/12/2023 22:58

3 days after his first seizure. 17 years old, we'd had him 9 years.

Took him to the emergency vet at about 11pm, she talked about his heart murmur which we knew was worse than 6 months previously (had had his biannual check up the week before, we had been discussing exploration, but decided it would be too much for him) she checked him over and said she didn't think he'd last the week and we needed to talk about what w we wanted to do. He was deaf and blind, but still playful and eating. He had another seizure the next morning and dh and I had a long chat, I spent the day snuggled on the sofa with him, dh called the vets and booked him in for the following afternoon. About an hour before we left to take him in, he had a 3rd seizure, I picked him up and cuddled him through it and he lost control of his bladder, we put him on his bed and ds sat feeding him treats 1 by 1. On the drive over to the vets he sort of just nodded off in my arms, when we got there he stirred enough for fuss as they've known him years. But you could just see it in him, he was ready... we were not, and a month later I'm still breaking my heart over it all. But it was his time.

She'll let you know in her behaviour and manner, from what you've said, shes letting you know now. They take a step back from their big personalities.

LemonLight · 10/12/2023 22:59

We had our cat put down recently. She was 17 and started wheezing, was blind, deaf, dribbly, didn't groom herself, absolutely stank no matter how much we bathed her. She was pretty gross to be honest. We were worried the vet would tell us we're heartless and she still had many good days ahead of her but actually after examining her, vet told us she had a massive tumour in her throat & mouth and tooth infection and was in loads of pain. She was too old and frail to be operated on as well, they struggled to even get an IV in her because of her blood vessels had collapse. We had no idea it was so bad, but animals hide their pain. We're glad now we went and to be honest feel a bit bad we didn't go sooner. It's cruel to let animals live on in pain. It's our responsibility to make sure they feel as little pain in their lives as possible.

Blanketpolicy · 10/12/2023 23:00

Sounds like the time has come already if she is getting little joy from life and is not comfortable.

Also remember dogs can be very stoic and not show pain, even a vet doesn't know for sure. You will know better from her behaviour at home how she is.

And the old adage - better a month too early than a day too late.

We had our lab PTS in July, and I still regret not paying heed to the, in hindsight the very obvious signs and giving him respite sooner, instead waiting for referrals and hoping it wasn't to be.

Sorry you are going through this. It is so hard.

Karwomannghia · 10/12/2023 23:02

I’m so sorry but it does sound like it’s time. The vet should have been kinder in how they spoke to you. Can you have her PTS at home?

TizerorFizz · 10/12/2023 23:14

@Cleanbedsheets Emergency vets don’t know you and as a result don’t talk about options in the same way your own vet would. When I had to see the vet about continuing treatment for our dog, we had to have a discussion about our dog’s quality of life. It had plummeted. The vet asked me if our dog was still doing what a dog enjoys. So going for walks, greeting you, tail wagging, eating, etc. Ours had stopped enjoying anything and couldn’t see and probably could not hear. Honestly - his life wasn’t what it should have been. So that’s the time. It’s sad but it’s the last thing you do for your dog.

Remagirl · 10/12/2023 23:15

Honestly I had this twice in the last 3 years either my 16 and 15 year old girls. I just knew and think you'll know too. The elder of the two was deaf, almost blind and had dementia but she had quality of life until she didn't. I got vet to come to house and help her on her final journey. It's heartbreaking but all part of being an owner. 💕

WillowCraft · 10/12/2023 23:19

If a dog is not moving, hardly eating or drinking, and peeing itself, then it is feeling pretty rubbish, it's hard to know whether they are "in pain" but feeling nauseous or exhausted or whatever is making your dog feel fed up is no good either.

It sounds like you know really, but have a good chat with your normal vet before deciding.

Notthatcatagain · 10/12/2023 23:19

I think that you are probably already just a bit too near to the time. The general saying is 'better a week too early, than a day too late'. I'm so sorry, I know only too well how awful this decision is

RobertaFirmino · 10/12/2023 23:25

Give your lovely dog one last kindness - the luxury of a good death. A privilege denied to so many humans. Don't let her suffer any longer. I know it's hard, I really do but it does seem as though the time has come. Unmumsnetty hugs to you and yours.

Maverickess · 10/12/2023 23:26

As others have said, better a week too early than a day too late.
I've agonised over this decision twice in the last 2 years.
My dog took it out of my hands really she was suffering and the vet took one look and agreed, I'd tried saving her and it just prolonged it and I feel guilty about that. Though I do understand why I did it iyswim?
With my horse I vowed I wouldn't do the same, I knew he was on borrowed time and had told him a few times to let me know when he'd had enough, I could have tried but I didn't, the vet gave me the options which were technically viable, but would have just prolonged everything at his cost because he'd have been uncomfortable and what was needed would have been a miserable existence. I stuck to my decision and on the day I saw it I did what was best for him, and he went so calmly and peacefully (for a horse that didn't live like that at all!) That I know it was the right decision. I feel guilty about that too, so I think either way you feel that way because they can't make the decision, you have to.
I'm so sorry OP, it's a horrible situation to be in but ultimately it's the last kindness you can show an animal you love.

💐

orangelotuss · 10/12/2023 23:31

RobertaFirmino · 10/12/2023 23:25

Give your lovely dog one last kindness - the luxury of a good death. A privilege denied to so many humans. Don't let her suffer any longer. I know it's hard, I really do but it does seem as though the time has come. Unmumsnetty hugs to you and yours.

Exactly this. It's terrible and I'm actually weeping writing this

goodbyestranger · 10/12/2023 23:36

Sympathies OP. I’ve only had to make the decision once, with my sixteen year old Jack Russell. He was just so tired of life, although still capable of the occasional wag of his tail. I procrastinated for a while because of that but not for long. I think one knows instinctively when it’s kinder to put a dog to sleep than avoid it any longer. It’s still incredibly hard to make the call.

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 11/12/2023 05:45

Think about it like this, you'd rather she go peacefully with you beside her, than come down in the morning and find her gone. I took a lot of comfort when I put my dog down that I was with her til the end.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/12/2023 05:52

All I can say is that I left it too long, twice, because it’s such a heartrending decision.