To let DD shave her legs

[Bootskates]

My DM wouldn't let me shave my legs until I was way into puberty. I was so self conscious after a boy at school made fun of my hairy legs and I spent 2 summers in joggers and would not entertain the idea of shorts. I always said when I had a daughter, she could remove leg/armpit hair whenever she so wished.

Now my DD is 9 (Y4) and is very self conscious about her leg hair and wants to shave. She's dark haired so she thinks it looks really bad (I don't think it looks too bad) and she's a dancer so bare legs in costumes etc are pretty much compulsory.

I really want to let her. I remember how I felt when I was a young girl hating my body hair and how unreasonable I thought my mum was. But somethings holding me back. She still feels so young (suppose I did at 11 to my mum) and I don't want to reinforce the idea that her legs look bad. Aibu to let her shave/use hair removal cream at 9?

Nope not at all. My DD is a bit older, (yr6) and has asked about it.
im getting her a decent electric razor and I know a few people who have let their younger DDs use hair removal cream with them helping.
if she's unhappy then go for it.

Let her. Maybe hair removal cream rather than a razor for now, but let her do it.

My feeling is that 9 is quite young, but it depends on how much it’s affecting her. My dds and most of their friends started shaving their legs in y6 or 7.

maybe get her cream or an electric razor if you’re going to let her. I remember my younger sister absolutely butchering her legs with my razor when she was about 9.

Have you talked to her at all about why she's so self-conscious about what's just a normal part of going through puberty? She's a mammal and she's growing up, so she's getting hair. What would you say to a hypothetical son in the same situation?

Absolutely let her. My dm was the same as yours and I was one of the last girls in my class to shave my legs as she said 'it'll grow back thicker and darker'. I was always so self conscious about my hairy legs. As soon as dd wanted to shave hers, it was a yes, didn't even hesitate.

Not at all too young. My dd is just turned 11 and I bring her to the salon to get her eyebrows shaped as otherwise she has a monobrow . No issues with her legs yet but I absolutely wouldn't be dismissive of her if she wanted to get rid of leg hair

Of course! She just doesn't like it. I think it's feeling exposed in dance/ swimming classes. I'm pretty slapdash with hair removal myself these days and am currently sporting a fair amount of leg hair. She pointed it out and I shrugged it off and just said it's natural.

I was the girl with hairy legs too and it was remarked on by the others at school. I was finally allowed to shave them in year 9. If I had a girl I'd allow it when she wanted to do it. I have boys and (generally) they just don't come under the same social and peer pressure to be hairless so it's not comparable.

I used to do it in secret. It felt shameful and confusing.

Embrace it! Go out together, get a razor, shaving cream and show her how to do it safely. Make it fun.

95% of women shave their legs. Including strong, independent, proud women. It's not a sign of weakness. Support her.

No. There are better methods than shaving, especially at 9.

and you should address why at 9 this is an issue. And dont use phrases like ‘that bad’ to describe hair again! Certainly not in front of her.

I’d let her. At this age I think my mum shaved my legs for me as she felt it was safer, but definitely let her shave them.

Get her a good battery operated or electric shaver and some moisturising cream. Remember how miserable you felt and don’t make her feel the same way you did.

I’m not sure shaving is the answer, purely because if she has stubble then kids will make worse comments. And I’d secretly hope she wouldn’t be maintaining it religiously, and eventually got bored of the hassle.

maybe a cream? They have some quite good ones these days, or even see if anywhere would wax them if that’s an affordable option for you? Controversial I know but better long term option maybe?

My daughter wanted to shave her legs at 11 and I didn’t say no, but didn’t help her. Instead I gave her a bit of a feminist diatribe about why men didn’t shave their legs, why women shouldn’t have to, etc etc. So she got hold of a razor and did it by herself but pressed too hard and skinned herself. Still makes me cringe. In hindsight, I should have handled it differently 😂.

Obviously I don't say that bad to her!

OK this is all what I needed to hear I think. My younger self is screaming at me to just let her do what she feels she needs to do. But the mum in me is just saying "noooo you're so young"

When my DD was 9 she had visible leg hair, it was blonde but thick and it bothered her.

I let her shave it with an electric shaver and showed her how.

Please give her the tools to decide for herself, shaving her legs at 9,13,17 or 20 will
not make any difference but feeling ashamed of her body will.

I can see why you think she is too young. But just let her. And give all the help she needs.

OMG. I wish I'd had you as a mum. I had a shocking monobrow that my mum wouldn't let me touch with tweezers and then she wondered why I wanted my fringe to over my eyes.

Definitely not shaving it will leave stubble and grow back thicker.

id look into sugaring ( like waxing) which will weaken the re growth

As far as I'm concerned whenever body hair begins to affect someone's confidence, and they don't want it on their body, they should be allowed to remove it.

What right have we got to stop a young girl/pre teen from being happy with her body?

Sure they have got a life time to make choices about keeping or removing body hair, but this young age is a very vulnerable stage in their life where they should be allowed to take control and be happy.

I don’t get this ‘let her’, it’s her body and her being self-conscious and even worse you have the insight to how she felt and are still hand-wringing about how young she is.
Just help her remove the hair safely. We
can be slapdash about hair removal now as adults or choose not to do anything about it but not making a 9 year old try to take a lone stand against the huge societal pressure to defuzz.

Exactly the same as you OP, I was a hairy kid and mega self conscious about it. DD is also quite naturally furry and while I do tell her she’s lovely as she is, I also haven’t stopped her de-fuzzing when she’s wanted to. However I also won’t let her shave (I remember accidentally peeling strips off my legs many times as a youngun) - she’s 11 now and uses my epilator when she wants as it grows back thinner and more sparse so better in the long run. She’s pretty tough so doesn’t mind the pain!

I shave because the kids in my class were pretty mean to me about my excessive body hair. Thirty years later I still get nightmares where I am in the pool and suddenly realise I have forgotten to shave my legs. I also still hear plenty of adults make derogatory and humiliating jokes about what is just a normal part of being a mammal.

I doubt that OP's hypothetical son would be getting the same remarks.

Should you change yourself to please others? Probably not. But some battles aren't worth fighting especially if you are the only one and hurting. And especially if you are only 9 years old and your peers play a massive part in your life.

As long as you show her how to do it safely and it's her choice then there's no reason why not.

I know of a young girl who ended up scrapping the skin off her shin as she didn't know how yo use the razor she'd been given.

We had a school teacher at primary school who refused to shave her legs so i msome ways both were normal to us, she also refused to have her ears pierced. It was very much if God had wanted either he'd have done so. I remember replying but maybe he left us a choice. I was 9 though and it was a church school.

My DD1 is 12 and hasn't shown any interest in shaving (I've let her know she can if she likes) but her leg hair isn't really noticeable.

However my DD2 is only 9 but has quite dark hair on her legs and has asked to shave it. I bought her an electric shaver and showed her how and she was fine doing it. She's only bothered to do it once though! But I think it's good to give them the choice if the hair is noticeable.