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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD shave her legs

54 replies

Bootskates · 10/12/2023 21:53

My DM wouldn't let me shave my legs until I was way into puberty. I was so self conscious after a boy at school made fun of my hairy legs and I spent 2 summers in joggers and would not entertain the idea of shorts. I always said when I had a daughter, she could remove leg/armpit hair whenever she so wished.

Now my DD is 9 (Y4) and is very self conscious about her leg hair and wants to shave. She's dark haired so she thinks it looks really bad (I don't think it looks too bad) and she's a dancer so bare legs in costumes etc are pretty much compulsory.

I really want to let her. I remember how I felt when I was a young girl hating my body hair and how unreasonable I thought my mum was. But somethings holding me back. She still feels so young (suppose I did at 11 to my mum) and I don't want to reinforce the idea that her legs look bad. Aibu to let her shave/use hair removal cream at 9?

OP posts:
avemariiiiiaaaa · 10/12/2023 22:26

Have you talked to her at all about why she's so self-conscious about what's just a normal part of going through puberty? She's a mammal and she's growing up, so she's getting hair. What would you say to a hypothetical son in the same situation?
@Precipice

Kids don't care about this they just want to be comfortable with their body and not have the piss taken out of them. It's not right. But they should be able to remove body hair that makes them self concious.

CluelessVegetarian · 10/12/2023 22:27

Also, I think shaving is probably the healthiest option (if you don't skin yourself...). Waxing is super painful, it takes weeks for the hair to regrow long enough to be able to wax and the hair grows back thicker. I don't remember exactly why but I think it might be because you are stimulating blood flow to the follicle. Creams can sting and aren't the healthiest of chemicals to put on your body. Shaving just removes the hair superficially. It doesn't touch the roots so there is no way that it can promote hair growth. It might look more stubbly but apparently that is because shaving makes your hair stand up rather than lie down flat. So if you start shaving you probably need to do it fairly regularly but from a long term point of view it's definitely healthier than the other options.

Purplebunnie · 10/12/2023 22:27

I took my then 10 year old to a salon and had her moustache waxed off. Comments had been made by pupils when she went for her day visit to the upper school. She has very dark hair

SparkyBlue · 10/12/2023 22:33

Ah thanks @thenightsky . It was actually the lovely therapist at the salon I use who told me to bring her in when I mentioned it. I'd say I'll be getting the upper lip done soon as well. The flip side is that she has a glorious head of thick dark hair on her head of which I'm in awe of

Sundaefraise · 10/12/2023 22:33

I think it’s madness to stop anyone doing something so none invasive to their own body that would make them happier and less self conscious - of course you should let her. Your mum was wrong - it’s as simple as that.

Babybearissleeping · 10/12/2023 22:33

Definitely let her.

My DD uses cream it's a bit easier when they are young

Ardith · 10/12/2023 22:35

Of course let her shave. You can get good safety razors. My dad secretly bought me one when my hippy mum was being a dick and wanted me to have feminist gorilla legs.

But please don’t let her do hair removal cream, it’s horrible chemicals and really bad for the skin and to breath in, and needs doing so often that it’s pointless.

Lovedthosechips · 10/12/2023 22:38

It’s quite possible to dislike the pressure but to let it also be the non issue that it is and shave off the hairs. They don’t grow back thicker or stronger but if she is ok with the stubble or the regular shaving then let her go for it. It’s her body and it’s only a bit of leg hair.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 10/12/2023 22:47

I'd feel like you, 9 is so young, more so so young to feel the peer pressure, it's madness isn't it. Growing up far too young!

But I'd let her, I'd buy her something like an epilator. Something safe she can use herself. Razors are risky for skinning herself and hair removal creams are far too harsh on such young skin & so easy to cause burns.

I don't know if there are better machines around these days than the epilady, but something like that.

Original poster
Bootskates · 10/12/2023 22:48

Thanks everyone, I will chat with her in the morning and get a bit of a kit together for her after work. All of your answers have really helped, I'm a lone parent and she's an only child, it's just the two of us (and we do rub along really well together, have an amazing bond) but I don't really have anyone to mull it over with, my mum is a no go for obvious reasons!

OP posts:
katie20202 · 10/12/2023 22:58

I stole my dads razor (horrible cheap thing) and cut my legs to pieces my mum went mad saying they will grow back darker and thicker! Then that Christmas they bought me a wet and dry electric shaver

Mirrormeback · 10/12/2023 23:00

They all shave their legs now as soon as they get hairy

Why would anyone stop their DD doing that

It just controlling and mean

Buy a men's Gillette razor for her as they're the best

Mirrormeback · 10/12/2023 23:03

OP ignore your DM shockingly awful advice

You'd never want your DD to feel like you did having to wear joggers for goodness sake

Your DM was a cow OP

You are better than that

Original poster
Bootskates · 10/12/2023 23:04

I'm not trying to be controlling and mean, I'm just trying to do the right thing. Give me a newborn any day, I second guess myself more now than I ever did when she was younger.

OP posts:
Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 10/12/2023 23:20

I think that this is a really important time to teach about comfort in our own bodies and where our own boundaries lay.
DD started shaving her legs at 9 or so, because it made her feel more comfortable and happy in her own skin

By probably 12 or 13, she said it was faff she didn't always feel the need to do.
Intact, its become a bit of an ongoing joke that unless we're going on holiday, or she's playing contact sports, and she's worried that she might break a leg, she doesn't shave.

She's really comfortable in herself, and I'm glad she was given the autonomy over her body to make the choice, because I think part of how she is now, comes from that.

Mumof1andacat · 10/12/2023 23:21

The Philips lady shave rechargeable razor is great. Can be used wet or dry.

Crinkle77 · 10/12/2023 23:22

Was there another post asking this same question the other day, with same title and everything?

MaloneMeadow · 10/12/2023 23:22

Amazed that anyone would vote YABU to this. It’s her body hair, let her do what she wants to it. Why on earth would you want a young girl to feel self conscious (a perfectly normal reaction) when it’s an issue that can be so easily fixed

Jl2014 · 10/12/2023 23:24

“She's a mammal “ 😂😂 Jesus Christ don’t say this to her. Terrible post. Of course you should let her. She’s uncomfortable because she doesn’t want hairy legs. Most women don’t. This doesn’t need explaining or some deep and meaningful about hair being natural. No amount of Freud is going to make her want hairy legs. Just support her.

WillowCraft · 10/12/2023 23:29

Precipice · 10/12/2023 21:58

Have you talked to her at all about why she's so self-conscious about what's just a normal part of going through puberty? She's a mammal and she's growing up, so she's getting hair. What would you say to a hypothetical son in the same situation?

Oh come on! I haven't shaved my legs for years but I'm in a tiny minority. Hairy legs on a woman are rare. Most women I know won't even go to a public swimming pool unless they've shaved their legs, let alone prance around on stage in a short skirt.

This girl is hardly unusual in not wanting hairy legs. Boys on the other hand usually keep their leg hair unless they are cyclists!

Not sure what being a mammal has to do with it.

10HailMarys · 10/12/2023 23:34

Precipice · 10/12/2023 21:58

Have you talked to her at all about why she's so self-conscious about what's just a normal part of going through puberty? She's a mammal and she's growing up, so she's getting hair. What would you say to a hypothetical son in the same situation?

Leg hair has very little to do with puberty, though. I always had visible leg hair and hair on my arms. It’s just a lot more noticeable in some people than others. I’ve got very, very pale skin and very dark hair so it was always very obvious. I started shaving my legs when I was about 10.

My mum was probably sad about it, and of course she told me nobody HAS to shave their legs, but her view is that kids should be allowed to have some control over their appearance. She also always felt that if something’s making you miserable that you can easily fix, you might as well fix it and be happy.

What would you say to a hypothetical son in the same situation?

Exactly the same thing. You do know most professional male footballers shave their legs, right?

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 10/12/2023 23:48

My child is nearly 9 and has what I think a lot of body hair luckily for her she is light but i can picture and already have , this being me I’m the not to distant future . I will let my Dd do what she needs to do not to feel
self conscious .

WillowCraft · 10/12/2023 23:49

Bootskates · 10/12/2023 22:10

Obviously I don't say that bad to her!

OK this is all what I needed to hear I think. My younger self is screaming at me to just let her do what she feels she needs to do. But the mum in me is just saying "noooo you're so young"

I think her being young is a complete red herring. Some girls start puberty earlier than others and as such will want or need to deal with the effects at different times.
If she started her period at 9 would you say she can't have sanitary protection because she's too young she will just have to wait until she's 11?
If she had BO aged 9 would you say no deodorant until she's older?
If she needed a bra would you say wait till you're older?

Why is leg hair any different?

Her body is developing at its own rate and making her wait to deal with the effects of puberty until she gets to the "average" age is bonkers. It's already hard enough to be in puberty before everyone else without making it more difficult!

Whether leg hair on women and girls should be widely accepted in society is a completely separate issue - but not one that is fair to put on the shoulders of a 9 year old. The reality is that the vast majority of women who care about their appearance do shave their legs

Original poster
Bootskates · 10/12/2023 23:51

Do my posts sound like I would deprive her of sanitary pads and bras? She asked and I had a wobble 🤷‍♀️

OP posts: