Anyone feel resentful and overwhelmed in December?

[Decemberresentment]

This is going to be long and ranty, so apologies in advance.

Does anyone else feel that the overwhelming majority of chores, Christmas prep, life admin, falls to them? I always feel like this during December, it's as if the rest of the years resentment builds up.

DH and I both work full time, 2 kids, 1 in primary, 1 in secondary. DH does most of the cooking, washing etc, he picks the kids up, will get food shopping while he is out. All good. I do everything else, and quite honestly, this has begun to really, really annoy me.

So, holidays, days out, presents for birthdays, Christmas for our kids and family, plus all parties etc that the kids get invited to. Respond to invites. Read the ridiculous amount of emails we get from each school each day / week and then action them, take money in this day, Christmas jumper day another day, you get my drift. Book the breakfast club. Make sure the kids out of school activities are booked, paid for, worked out when they all break for holidays etc. Look through the school websites for term dates, add them to the calendar. Book their opticians, dentist. Sort through wardrobes and get rid of clothes and shoes that no longer fit. Arrange tradesmen if needed around the house. DH will do DIY, though most of the time I need to ask him to do that too. He changed some light bulbs last week, left the old ones on the sideboard - why???????? Who does he think will move them???

It all comes to a head in December when I buy everything single present, he just buys mine, and even then not a huge amount of effort goes into it. For context, he mentioned in the year that there was a show he wants to see, it is booked, paid for and babysitter organised. Because I like to make the effort and listen to what he says.

Today, I have been in a mood. DH got up first with the kids, I came down later, dog wasn't fed, nor let out in the garden for a wee. Just pushed me over the edge to be honest.

I am sure if we sat and spoke about it, there would be more he does than I can think of but right now it doesn't feel like it.

I just feel like if I don't do it, we wouldn't go anywhere, do anything. It's all up to me.

I'm just done to be honest. I just want to a little more thought to go into me.

There is more, but that would he very outing and I just want an anonymous rant really.

Fucking hell he does washing & cooking! I’m gonna marry him in my next life.

Whilst you do all the annoying little bits & pieces.

It seems you’re getting over excited about Christmas. You’ve said that he’d help more if you ask, so ask. Sometimes you just have to spell everything out to them. Although I’m not sure I should’ve said that as it’ll go on the MN life admin list.

I feel you OP. The laundry I can cope with, that's easy. It's the piddly mental load I can't cope with, the constant feeling that I'm about to drop the ball really stresses me out. This time of year is horrendous and I've had a couple of meltdowns and panic attacks recently because it's too much to cope with but all falls to me. Stupid school admin in particular. Remembering what random costume/item/school trip I'm supposed to be providing for which child today when I'm half asleep in the morning. 🤣

(I'm also annoyed at the partners with ADHD mentioned in the comments. I don't get to use my ADHD as an excuse for not washing my kids clothes or remembering our plans - if it was important to them they would work around it. It might be harder but it's not impossible.)

Sorry @Baneofmyexistence This made me laugh! Ancient Egypt day 😂 In the middle of all the chaos as if school have decided to add Ancient Egypt day to the mix!

I feel like this. I find this time of year totally overwhelming and exhausting. I’m a teacher and I’m lucky to have the holidays and I know once we break up I will breathe a little easier and take things a bit slower. I’m sorry you feel like this but it’s good to know I’m not alone!

Where is my Christmas jumper? What do you mean you haven’t got it out of storage? I shouldn’t have to tell you - it’s Christmas, you should have known that I’ll need it! You do the laundry and getting my jumper out to be washed and ironed is laundry!

Sorry OP but I think your DP is doing some of the fairly full on daily tasks. I know school admin is a pain but it isn't the same as cooking, cleaning and picking the kids up.

I am not sure where people got the idea that he does all of the cooking and cleaning. He does most of the cooking, I do all the cleaning, bathrooms, hoovering, nudge the kids to tidy their rooms. I do the main weekly shop, I do the ironing. I take the kids to their activities.

I think I just need to have a reset and allocate my time better so it doesn't build up.

This is just so me today! Reached the end of my tether. Thank you for your thread, I feel less alone with my resentment.

The 'just don't do it' people - you can't just not do the demands of the school because they always involve pick up at some stupid time like 12.15pm, or your kid being the only one not in a Christmas jumper if you don't do it.

YANBU OP but it is the school I'm exhausted with, not my husband. They need to chill out a bit with the endless Christmas activities, late pick ups, fund raisers, themed clothes, sponsored what have yous and early closing days.

OP I hope you're feeling a bit better for having a rant. I totally understand where you're coming from. I could have almost written your post.

I work part time so try to do the lions share of the work in the house, for school, medical appointments etc etc. Which I think is only fair but it does get exhausting. For instance at the moment I'm also trying to project manage major changes to our house and having builders ask me about things I have no idea about. I have a million little decisions to make about handles, flooring etc and if I get it wrong then that's an expensive mistake. My H is not getting involved at all beyond exclaiming about how much its all costing! I have emails to answer tonight from more builders asking more questions after a long day at work. H on the other hand is off to the gym.

Also as another example there was a family party at the weekend. I said several times that we should make something homemade to bring as the host had asked for contributions. He muttered something about getting a pizza at the shop. I answered all of the millions of WhatsApp messages from his family about the party, sorted accommodation and transport then rustled up something homemade to take when it became apparent that he wasn't going to. He absolutely did not care that showing up with a shop bought pizza would show no effort.

Mine is good with the school run and bits of housework but overall its down to me to run the show. It's like this in 99% of the marriages I see around me too.

I don’t even know what my reaction would be if my husband said “I shouldn’t have to tell you” or any of the rest of that, and nor does he, but he absolutely wouldn’t dare to try finding out. Why does he think he can speak to you so disrespectfully?

I do it all because I am a control freak.

I'm another one. F*cking sick of it.

It's overwhelming. All of it. It's not fun, I don't feel festive and need to put on a mask every time I leave my front door. I don't feel jolly. Have four DC at three different schools and just wish December could be skipped out of the calendar.

Feel you too op. single parent here to two teens. in theory, now that the kids are older, it should be so much easier.

and it is, on a practical level. But omg the mental load at this time of year…
the gifts, decorations, meals, social obligations, family negotiations, just adds to what is already a big mental burden of admin, logistics etc.

I think life feels wearying enough already, if you have an only-partially supportive partner, or unsupportive, or are on your own with it. Then the festive requirements shit just feels like being pushed over the edge.

no useful advice other than a bit present to yourself (I gift wrap my own & put them under the tree) and try to carve out relaxation time over Xmas.

I'm not entirely sure what happened to DH this year but when he realised I was doing the organised mum Christmas, he would pick up my kindle, read the jobs for the week and then, well, contribute to them. It's the first year I haven't felt like the OP.

@Nineteendays You can’t make it up can you? Thursday is Ancient Egypt day and wear a costume please. Thank god for amazon prime 😂

Im pleased your ADHD doesn't affect you planning or carrying out tasks.

But my DH has text book symptoms. Im a mental health professional so would know if he was taking an easy way out and i would be out of the door.

What you think of me and my post is your business entirely, but I would try to remember that your experience of ADHD isn't the same as the next person's.

I absolutely agree. Ive tried to help him with memory aids etc, we have a calendar, I send him reminders.

It boils down to "he doesn't care enough/he can't be arsed/he knows he can disregard the thought because he uses me as his PA and memory aid".

He sent me three links with things to buy this weekend, rather than just buying them himself. Then complained that I hadn't bought them, this meant I was being tight with money apparently. He has no idea when any of the bills come out or how much they're for. It wouldn't occur to him to check or look, I've told him and shown him how to do it. He deleted the banking app I put on his phone. He just doesn't want to do it and can't be arsed to learn or try.

How did Christmas go ?