Hey everyone,
I’m 22 with no children. I found out that I’m pregnant on Monday, with a clear blue digital saying 2-3 weeks. My last period was 9th November, so the Flo app is dating me at 4 weeks and 4 days. This was completely unexpected, I only tested as my left boob was excruciatingly painful that day and I was actually concerned about breast cancer but wanted to rule out pregnant first. It’s my fault I am pregnant as I stupidly had sex on the last day of my period, thinking I would be okay, I know now that I would never do that again unless trying to have a baby.
I live with my partner but our relationship hasn’t been the best at times, we’ve been together for only 8 months but met at work beforehand.
I’m not working currently as I have quite severe agoraphobia, I go out only with my partner maybe one or twice a month. I left my job in late July due to having panic attacks and needing to go home early so I currently have no income, though my partner works full time bringing home £2100 a month. I have been looking for work from home jobs but I have panic attacks when applying or trying to attend interviews, even over the phone.
I have had periods of time where I’ve been housebound for a number of years and I don’t feel far from housebound now as I do rarely go out. I have also struggled with body image and was deep in anorexia last year. I am now at a healthy weight but mentally I do still struggle. I am also autistic, but I’m not sure that it makes a difference as I know many autistic parents. I am not great with change or loud noises though.
Another note, is that I’m currently not on speaking terms with my family as I was SA by a family member earlier this year and it’s caused a lot of fallouts. I have no support from them and haven’t told anyone from my family.
My partner knows I’m pregnant and has said that he’s upset that I want to ‘kill our baby’ and said that if I have a termination, he would never have kids with me in the future. When I first found out and told him, he was very happy so I went along with it and acted happy too (I know I shouldn’t have). He told him mum and they’ve been both talking to me about buying baby stuff and took me to Asda to look (I almost had a panic attack!). She is very excited to be a grandma for the first time.
I’m not 100% sure either way as I have always liked the idea of being a mum but I am absolutely aware of my current situation and that it wouldn’t be the best. I do worry that a termination may affect my mental health, I’ve never been through it before. Also, I know it sounds silly but I have 2 cats and they seem to have filled the motherhood instinct for me and keep me company while stuck at home.
I know I still have a while to decide, I just wanted to get some opinions or maybe see if anyone has had a similar situation and what did you do?