AIBU to ask what helps you when depressed?

[TessMcGillsOffice]

Posting this here as I guess I'm looking for reassurance and to know things will get better.

Been in a major depressive episode for about 9 days with some anxiety. Meds have been increased, therapy is booked, I'm signed off work so everything is in place but I have never felt so low in my entire life. I feel disconnected from DH, DS (8) and DD (7) although I am trying to stay involved in family life.

Has anyone been through the same? What helped and will I get better? I'm so scared I won't.

Thanks x

Meds,Exercising everyday, keeping to my routines and no alcohol or social media. These have the been the things that help me when I'm in a depressive episode.

Look in to stoicism as well OP. It largely advocates for taking control of how you perceive things which is very liberating

Medications made me feel like I was numb and a zombie.

There are dozens of different meds so if someone keeps letting their doctor try different ones, eventually they'll find one that works for them.

I try the do 3 things rule:

Sometimes it's shower, get dressed & pick up dirty laundry & put in basket. Other times it's go for a walk, text a friend.

Just take it at your current pace. 3 things often leads to 3 more things. The first step is the hardest.

Force yourself to go out and walk or cycle. Do not stay in. That's such a road to nowhere.
What's set it off? 7 and 8 can be good years. Are they both boys? So it's non stop?
Can you get a break or a spa. Water helps so much. Swimming. Good food. Music. Reading. Non stop exercise.

I used to find that putting on really loud rock music and dancing around the room helped me tremendously. But that's just me

@TessMcGillsOffice IDK if this'd suit you yet but I went to 'art group' last week. It gets you out of these house.

The sort of 'art groups' I'm talking about are on in the daytime and although they aren't necessarily advertised explicitly as for people with MH problems, they probably pretty much are really.

The leader sets a very basic project for instance stick something to a card. They guide you through the few steps of it. Or if you like you can do your own thing, drawing etc.

I'm dreadful at art BTW so you don't have to be good at all for these groups.

All the while there are a few of you there so you can have a chat (as much or as little as you want to) and a cup of tea while you make the little thing.

Maybe this'll be something you could do either now or in the future? Or any other local activities you like the look of and feel like they'd suit you.

It's xmas some some activities might be winding up for a couple of weeks but there'll be a lot of xmas stuff on if you feel like joining in, carol singing etc- even if you're not Christian it's something to do and can be cheerful.

Remember you can make your excuses and leave anything when you've had enough.

These are the sort of things I'm doing at the moment after an excellent nudge from the MIND support workers who've encouraged me to get out there.

But I appreciate it wouldn't be for everyone, or at least not at every stage of their journey.

Hi OP,
Sorry you are going through this. I also manage depression and 3 things that help me, in addition to meds, are:

1. Looking after a plant. Planting from a seed or propagating. The money or spider plant I think it is called, is very forgiving. I dust the leaves and talk to my plants and mist them and notice them growing. I try to work out where they want to be in terms of warmth and sun. Sometimes that will be the thing that got me vaguely moving that day.

1. Listening to very positive and "hyping up" affirmations on TikTok/YT shorts. There are content creators who are like cheerleaders and some of them do make me feel a bit better for a moment. It is cheesy but one in particular is very body positive and calls the viewer her wonderful "Sweet Potato" and I love that.

1. Acceptance. Depression can be thought of as the body's need for deep rest. Accepting that this is a time of sleep and low mood can make it feel a bit better for me.

I also have children and am on an upswing out of a depressive episode OP and I am sending you hugs and healing vibrations x

I find that taking things very slowly and one at a time helps me quite a bit. When I’m around people who are very energetic and throw things at me, not literally, but just ideas and outings and so on, it can stress me out.

Reading nice books, I have a fireplace, I haven’t learned to light it yet, but I’m working on that.

Listening and dancing to music.

I have a swing in my bedroom and an egg chair on my balcony, so sitting on those and enjoying my coffee, or hot chocolate.

Going for a walk near the beach and sitting on a bench with hot chocolate and reading.

Coloring, or doing something else like clay.

This is so encouraging to me. I am finding also that as I come out of my last depressive episode I am doing so by making huge changes. I have lost who I am, and finding out seems to require some seismic shifts in my whole set up.

@TessMcGillsOffice As someone with bipolar I've been through depression enough times to know that all you have to do is sit there, wait for the meds to work and you eventually come out the other side. That thought always comforts me. Although obviously if you do other stuff that helps you, that's great too.

Daylight. Make sure you work/sit near a window with light during the day and go out when it's light.

My husband has had nothing short of miraculous results using a flow headset op. Worth every single penny.

Not read the whole thread thus far, but what helped me after three plus years of major breakdown and therapy and citalopram and losing my employment…
was a friend telling me I should go for a walk to the place where horses were in fields, and just be with them for a while.
I said no each time.
Eventually, just to shut up the person who was saying this.. I went, enjoyed it and continued to go three or four days a week.
I didn’t look back after that.
I s l o w l y weaned off of the citalopram, and I started to fix my back garden that I hadn’t ventured into in all the time I was “down”, cut back five foot high weeds brambles etc…
took me ages, but I got there.
This was when I was in my late forties early fifties.
Today I am active (I was sedentary in those three and a half years) lost weight, I eat way healthier, have regained interest in all sorts of new subjects.
I keep fit and I’m nothing like the sad woman I felt I was.
I was convinced that my life was doomed, that nothing would help..
Im not saying you should do the same as me, as horses may not be of interest to you.
sometimes by “making” yourself do an action that is different to your norm, it might just inspire you, as it did me.
i don’t know if your willing to try whatever, maybe you have to get to a certain state before embarking on “trying” something.
Good luck, and the answer is within yourself, it’s just finding it. 🙏🏻

I have bipolar disorder. Drugs work on highs but not so well on lows.

I agree totally about exercise and getting out even if the weather is gloomy.

One thing I do differently is to not fight depression; not count my blessings: just makes me feel guilty as well as miserable. I just allow myself to be miserable and stop feeling worried about that along with everything else.

Oh it’s shite isn’t it OP? As a veteran of the depression and anxiety cycle, my approach is to treat it very clinically, like flu, while I’m acutely unwell. I rest and am kind to myself. I curl up in bed and watch daft TV shows if that’s what I need. I eat comforting food and take care of myself the way I would a poorly child. Once I start to improve, I look at the bigger picture and how I can keep myself healthy (taking my meds, exercise, pacing activities, therapy, sense of purpose etc) and tweak as needed. But while i’m acutely unwell, that’s too much to process and not helpful - just like telling someone with flu to get out of bed and go for a jog wouldn’t be helpful.

The key thing is to decouple the illness from your sense of self-worth. No one with a stomach bug sits there thinking ‘i’m
so stupid, why can’t i just get over this, i’m useless and lazy’ so why on earth do we do it to ourselves when it comes to mental illness? It’ll pass, just as flu or a stomach bug passes. Just keep breathing and be very, very kind to yourself.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through a bad time.

Exercise really, really does help. I never used to believe that, but it really does! I have a dog now and I have to do it for him in all weathers. What a change has come over me. I am inclined to depression and if I miss more than two days getting out, I feel the depression creeping in.

Outdoor exercise IMO is better for me than indoor (although it's all good) because we need UV light too, especially during these darker days.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Just add exercise and give it time. We are all here for you too.

Would you DH be happy to go with you on at an easier pace to get you started?

Best of luck!

There are some great podcasts to support you in your depression on Spotify. Free, if you don't mind the adverts.

One of the tricky things about depression is that "listen to your body" doesn't work. Our bodies often tell us to stay in bed all day. Just as kids don't want to swallow banana flavoured penicillin 3 times a day for their tonsillitis, it does make them feel better.

Fresh air and exercise every day, as soon after waking as you can (just walking is absolutely fine)
Daylight
Nature
Be in water (hot and cold showers, swimming)
Drinking plenty of water and nourishing food - I go for dippy eggs, fresh soup, fresh fruit, tinned fish, green veg, curry.
Meditation
Journalling (or "just writing stuff down")
3 things every day that you're grateful for. Be as specific as you can.

Me again! I've had good results from using a light box, especially in winter.

Walking outside.

I had a horrible "episode" a couple of months ago, and I put my coat on and just walked round the streets. Even at midnight, it just gave me something to do, that I didn't have to concentrate on.

During the day I found walking in the woods or by the river much nicer. Standing and watching the water was very calming.

Nine practices in 3 sequential degrees of importance:

**Eat non processed food with lots of veg and potatoes.

**Exercise or walk. Try and force yourself however difficult it is.

**Try and get a good night’s sleep.

And one those are in place …. .

** Relationships - see a rl person if only for a ten minute chat or walk or be around animals

** Purpose - do one thing in your day for 15 minutes that makes tomorrow easier

** Creativity - garden, draw, bake, write, sew, paint. Anything that brings joy and a flow state for at least an hour or two a week.

And once those^^ are in place:

** Spirituality in action - do something for someone else

** Spirituality in body and mind - sit quietly and think or breathe or meditate - practice mindfulness and inhabit the here and now. Animals are good for this!

** Spirituality in words - write a daily gratitude journal.