AIBU to ask what helps you when depressed?

[TessMcGillsOffice]

Posting this here as I guess I'm looking for reassurance and to know things will get better.

Been in a major depressive episode for about 9 days with some anxiety. Meds have been increased, therapy is booked, I'm signed off work so everything is in place but I have never felt so low in my entire life. I feel disconnected from DH, DS (8) and DD (7) although I am trying to stay involved in family life.

Has anyone been through the same? What helped and will I get better? I'm so scared I won't.

Thanks x

Antidepressants saved my life. I see you’re already getting your medication adjusted, though, which is good.

I guess it will vary a lot from person to person. For example, some people swear by meditation, but for someone like me it wasn’t at all helpful and in some ways even actively unhelpful.

For me, the things that most helped me were:

• Being outdoors in natural environments, ideally alone, and usually taking a load of pictures or looking out for specific things so I have a sense of purpose
• Watching and photographing the birds in my garden
• Unchallenging but pleasant creative activities - adult colouring books, Lego kits, doodling, collage-making, baking, jigsaw puzzles etc - but only while watching/listening to something at the same time, as I need my mind to be completely occupied along with my hands or I go properly mad
• Absorbing brainteaser type activities - ‘escape the room’ computer games, cryptic crosswords, online word games etc. Anything that makes me focus on something other than my own thoughts
• Exercise, especially running and especially running alone in winter. However, I do appreciate that it’s incredibly difficult for a lot of the people to do hard exercise when seriously depressed - at my worst I could barely get up, let alone run, but running was definitely a huge part of my recovery and maintaining mental health as I started to get better
• Crime fiction. I’m a huge reader anyway and mostly read all types of fiction but for some reason, when I was in the grip of full on depression, crime fiction was the thing I most wanted to read because it’s so plot-focused and absorbing and comes to a neatly satisfying resolution. Again, not right for everyone, but right for me

I personally preferred mostly doing things alone and found that helpful, but I know that isn’t the case at all for a lot of people. Again, we’re all different.

I really sympathise with you, and I hope you turn a corner soon and get on the road to feeling better. Lots of love and good wishes to you x

That is a really good way to look at it. I have very low self-esteem so really do feel like this is a failing even though I would never think that of anyone else. People keep telling me that depression tells lies but sadly I just can't believe that yet.

In all honesty prescription drugs were the only things that helped me. I wasn't able to go outside, look after myself, speak to people but medication meant I could do the as e things which then helped me more. I know there can be a taboo about medication but its saved my life a number of times. The last episode my psychiatrist doubled the dose and it just got rid of that feeling of loathing and loneliness

Thank you for this, I really appreciate the suggestions. I'm finding it hard to read at the moment but will persevere. So glad meds helped you x

Thanks for this. I feel bad "needing" the meds but they allow (normally and hopefully again soon) some breathing space to work on stuff x

Also this is the worst time of the year for people with depression. Short days and long nights can cause SAD, Seasonal Affected Disorder. Best thing I did was to buy a Sad lamp and sit in front of it for a while in the morning. It definitely helped me along with my medication. There are lots on Amazon to choose from.

Things I am doing differently this time around:

Mood tracking so that I can see that some days or moments were only slightly unpleasant just a few days/weeks ago.

Telling anybody who will listen how terrible I feel.

Making a plan to meet or video call another adult every day and not letting myself cancel.

Music: a playlist of very energetic music that I would usually dance to helps me get out of bed.

Just achieving the next tiny step in any task, and then the next.

Medication. Antihistamines and melatonin to sleep.

Sleeping with a light and music to stave off the sheer dread of the frequent night wake-ups.

Being alone as little as possible (and I’m a massive introvert).

good luck OP.

It’s so helpful - but you don’t need to run, just a good long walk is fine.
I pop on an audiobook and do a couple of hours of walking a few times a week.

Also, forcing myself to do 5000 steps a day, taking photos of any beautiful things I see, writing down three things I’m grateful for (usually my friends who reply to my repetitive despairing texts).

Lots of exercise.

For me, exercise was not a cure, it made me worse in lots of ways, including guilt that I didn't do it more often which made me more ill.

A few things that I did where I found literal sparks in my brain like I woke up for a bit was brain games - playing Rummikub with my parents one night. Weird 😂

Fresh flowers always out. My mum made me promise to have even a £1 bunch from Lidl every week and it always made me smile a little.

Music. Not any old music, the kind that hits you in your soul. For me that is philharmonic music and I've recently joined a philharmonic choir and we had the first concert a week ago. My god, I've not felt so good in decades. It has been unbelievable for my brain.

I'm off the sertraline after the side effects became problematic (zero, almost into minus figures levels of sex drive and finding myself unable to laugh). I am currently taking St John's Wort and have been more stable on this with less side effects for the last 3 years, but that's a discussion for your GP. I can also laugh - as in proper belly laugh - again.

Give yourself permission to laugh
Aim to laugh once a day - not a smirk, not a wry smile, try to laugh even if it's really not that funny. It's surprising what effect that has on you too.

Vitamins! Take a multi vit, bit also aim to have something fruity every day that you actually like, not eating because you should. I eat the Lidl apple sauce baby sachets because I love apple sauce 😁.

Daylight. If you can't get out into the daylight enough, I can't recommend a SAD lamp highly enough. Whilst my depression is managed, I get really really bad SAD which is as bad as my worst depression. I use the Lumie Vitamin L lamp and it quite literally has saved my life for years. I no longer get the worst symptoms of it in the winter, I don't sob every day, I don't sit staring at the wall for an hour when I get up....

I also love my job and don't worry about going to work each day. Getting out of a soul destroying job has also changed my life. I've taken a £10k paycut but it's been worth every single penny.

Getting outside in the fresh air. Ideally a walk but even pottering around in the garden or sitting in a park helps.

I used to be the same, felt like a failure and that I was taking the easy way out. But then my friend asked me if I thought she was a failure for taking regular medication for her physical.condition. and obviously I didn't

I have a condition that means I get unwell mentally. My meds mean I don't get so unwell. This benefits me and my family. I'd love it if walks helped, or some mindfulness made me better but they don't on their own. I've accepted I'll be on medication for the rest of my life and I'm okay with that, because the alternative is horrible.

You are in the storm at the moment, and it's difficult to imagine ever finding the door to shelter when the wind is whipping round you and the rain blinding you.

One of the best pieces of advice I got when this was me was, don't think about if or when this will end. That's too much for you to manage right now. Take each day one at a time. Break it down into hours if you need to, but focus on getting through today. Stick to the small picture. Try to get up and dressed, however hard it is, and when you have managed it, see it as an achievement. Same with other activities. Small goals like getting outside for a walk, reading a few pages, having a shower, washing up, time with the kids. Well done! You did it! You got to the end of the day!

Don't search for the door of your house from a hundred miles away. Look for a closer landmark. One step in front of the other. Celebrate each step you make. Your door gets nearer with each one.

It's good to hear that side, although I'm sorry you need the meds. If I need them forever to look after my family then so be it.

That's so lovely and makes a lot of sense. Thank you x

Ah the replies on this thread are so sad, its horrible that we have a epidemic of depression and anxiety.

I tried medication - didn't work as I felt numb and like a zombie
Talking therapy with a phycologist was horrible because it made me have obsessive thought about everything and what I was going to say to her when I next seen her

Exercise is brilliant but its hard to get up and out when you feels like shit and want to hide bed.

I know this won't be the same for every one but what worked for me was looking at why I felt depressed and why my anxiety was waking me up through the night like thunder rolling through my body.

People are not born with depression or anxiety - really shit things happen all the way through our childhood to adulthood which we then buy and they stay stored in our bodies or something recent happens that's traumatic and we have a horrible physical response to it.

I went through the worst two years of my life one morning after boring the kids off at school I was gong to drive my car in to a wall obviously I chickened out but I did start looking at ways that I could sort my shit out.

The Tools by Phil Stutz - is also on Netflix - Highly recommend
Doing the work by Nicole Lepera - brilliant ( first one I read and this really did help me on my way)

Positive affirmations when going to sleep very since night
Positive affirmations every morning when I woke up

Positive habit changes as little as a glass of water as soon as you get up before you coffee. Even since day - not sure why this worked, I think it set me of on the right foot as in I was trying at least ...

Grounding work every hour - game changer as I can live in my head instead of being present with my kids/work
Inner child work - sounds shite but I found comfort in this and cried heavily when I first did it

10 min exercise with weights I got of you tube - started off on my arms watching tv and it made me feel like id accomplished something for me.

Shit loads of self care.

If I feel anxiety now - I say 'oh hello, where have you been hiding? What's the matter?' For me anxiety is my stored trauma that raises its head when I've not been looking after myself.

Have a look at the books I suggested - they are cheap on amazon x

Watching with interest, hope you feel better soon. I’m also feeling like what you described.

Visiting new places, doing something different

Watch series or movies that doesn't require too much concentration, my go tos are motherland, friends, Jersey shore, Bridget Jones etc.

Don't expect too much or yourself or be frustrated if you don't have the energy for running.

Do a little retail therapy online if you can afford it, even a new nail polish or bubble bath.

Journal or just scribble down some positive things or even how you're feeling, write a small check list of things you need to do and know that these things don't need rushed.

If you have concentration maybe read a book, sometimes escaping into a story and other world can help.

Go for a light walk if you have the energy or even stand at the garden/front door and just breathe.

Pray if you're that way inclined

Most of all rest, as much as your body needs. And try and pinpoint things in your life that are adding to your depression x

For me scheduling ‘stuff’ helps. A routine - something I don’t dread but that forces me up and out.

meeting a friend for coffee - getting my hair cut - taking my niece to the cinema. I even once booked a vet appointment😂.

i used to comfort eat - buttery toast for some reason. Three stone later I regret that.

Getting washed, dressed and outside for some fresh air/a walk. Staying inside in pjs is a road further into the doom.

Some good food as well - ask your DH to make you something as you probably don't felt up to it, or order something in. Drink some water. Look after yourself in whatever way you can, even though it feels impossible.

I know you can't see your path out of this at the moment - but you won't feel like this forever. I think that was one of the most helpful things a doctor said to me when I was deep in the throes of a depressive episode, and in low moments I remind myself of it and particularly that he was 100% right.

Structure and walking.
I found laying around too much made me worse.
I sleep if im burnt out and isolate myself.
If im depressed i listen to cheerful music
Limit tv
Cuddle my cats
Learn something new via social media.
Keep the same bedtime routine.
Tidy my house and declutter.

QiGong - I've linked to a ten minute video that really helps me. It's basically standing still and breathing! But it makes me feel so much better and it's quick - exercise really helps, but I can't face going out for a run/to the gym. QiGong feels doable.

Getting outside is absolutely the best for me. As long as it isn't actually pouring with rain I will wrap myself in a blanket (with a hot water bottle if necessary) and sit on my patio for 20 minutes if I can. It really, really helps.

I second all the stuff people have said about accepting 'I am ill' and 'It is ok to feel like this when you are ill'. I take it a day at a time.

Mindfulness is great. Just focus on very small things and being in the moment.

I have just posted a similar thread
Lurking on here
Wondering if I should drag my husband out for a quick nip round the block