AIBU to ask what helps you when depressed?

[TessMcGillsOffice]

Posting this here as I guess I'm looking for reassurance and to know things will get better.

Been in a major depressive episode for about 9 days with some anxiety. Meds have been increased, therapy is booked, I'm signed off work so everything is in place but I have never felt so low in my entire life. I feel disconnected from DH, DS (8) and DD (7) although I am trying to stay involved in family life.

Has anyone been through the same? What helped and will I get better? I'm so scared I won't.

Thanks x

Can so relate. Break down in early June.
Did not leave my bed for 2 months. Took an overdose.
In my case it was suppressed trauma from childhood and adulthood that I’d buried so deep when it hit me it came at full force.
I have extreme low self esteem and anxiety.
Was on different meds all with horrible side effects but am on Prozac now which has had the least side effects so far.
All I can say is be kind to yourself depression lies to you it makes you believe you are worthless and at my worst I really thought I would be better of dead than have these constant horrible thoughts.
Take one day at a time even if you manage to shower or brush your teeth that’s an achievement.
Tell yourself every day that you are a good person and deserve to be happy I talk to myself daily it might sound crazy but saying it aloud can help push negative thoughts away.

Setting myself a tiny, tiny task and achieving it. Could be as simple as making a cup of tea, getting dressed or leaning my teeth.

So many great suggestions.
Qigong and grounding meditation are excellent.

I found that what really helped was changing my life to one I actually liked.

I was in a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness.

Another vote for exercise. When things were particularly bad, even just a walk but mostly something quite rigorous like a run or I am also part of a karate club. Something to get the blood pumping. Even when I feel awful beforehand and feel like I can't do it, I'll tell myself just do it for x mins (15/30/whatever feels doable) and if you still don't feel it, go home. I never only do x mins and always without fail feel better afterwards. I hope things get better for you soon.

Walking is very effective at clearing my head and releasing endorphins. It always helps. Also being away from people, the house etc and out in nature.

I should have also said anti depressants and cbt as well and like someone else said watching a TV programme you find comfort in. Mine was the Vicar of Dibley and now it's Ghosts. Always my go to if feeling rubbish. Don't beat yourself up if some days you achieve very little.

Oh a couple more.

I stopped wearing a watch. Clock watching was making me stressed. I've not worn one since about 2007 and no clocks in the house.

I removed my answerphone option from my mobile and my work number. Instant relief.

Do what suits you. Don't force yourself to exercise if the idea makes you feel sick. Don't go to events that make you feel sick. HOWEVER! Occasionally you'll need to push on through things, but you get to decide what the priorities are are - so I'd force myself to work things, but not to every social gathering if it was too much. I prioritised seeing friends one to one rather than group events which I loathed anyway.

I made sure I had a shower at least every other day, and always if I was going to work. I kept brushing my teeth. It's important to me not to look like I've totally given up, because I hide my symptom most of the time.

I use Gousto boxes when I'm too unwell to plan and keep the cards to remake the recipes and for meal planning on other days.

CBT was awful. It's just gaslighting IMO. I've done it 3 times fce to face and once online. The online was the worst - the scenarios were are SO depressing and so extremely that I couldn't complete it. Talking therapy was much better. I'm considering whether EMDR would actually be more useful (and going privately) as I struggle with intrusive thoughts which become anxiety then depression again.

Forcing routine. Set an alarm, go for a shower, make an effort with your appearance. Sitting about in my jammies always makes me feel worse!

Hoping you feel better soon, this too shall pass ❤️

I'm in the same position with you OP. The only thing I can think that's encouraging is that I didn't always feel this way. If it stopped before, it can stop again.

I agree with exercise, the worse I feel the harder I go. And cutting all alcohol.

And I listen to something (music/podcast/YouTube) anything is better than listening to my own thoughts!

Going out for a walk and getting some fresh air helps me.

I grab my dog and walk. Sometimes we walk for 45 mins sometimes 4 hours. I can go to the woods on the outskirts of my village and depending on how im feeling I can walk the route where I bump in to people for a chat or the route where I won’t see anyone.

Music helps me too but sometimes my head feels too ‘full’ and I just need quiet.

Exercise, music, walking the dog, beach walk and a solo shopping/self care trip into town , baking or cooking a nice meal for myself always seem to give me a bit of a lift when I’m feeling depressed

This is an interesting pov

This. Break your day into manageable chunks. Focus on getting through that particular chunk.

Ensure you have at least one thing a day to look forward to. That could literally be hot chocolate with cream, a candlelit bath etc.

Try to exercise everyday. If outside try to notice one thing each time that is beautiful. Imagine it's your last day on earth - notice the changing leaves, the bird song, the sunlight glinting through the buildings (I live in a shit area but even so, there is still something lovely)

Make yourself cosy. A throw is lovely in the winter.

Plan something to look forward to long term. This is so important. For me it's holidays. For others it is something different.

Try to get enough sleep. Everything is better when you have slept enough.

Read or listen to music that resonates with you.

Talk to people. Don't be on your own with this.

Think "This too will pass" It really will!

Sending you unmumsnetty hugs

Thank you all so much. I'm so sad there are so many of us that struggle but honestly the compassion and genuine advice here has been amazing.

I have downloaded the Dr Nicole Lepera book and read some. Already some of it is resonating with me. It's given me the strength to tell my friends which is something I've never done before. A tiny ray of light in a very dark time.

Exercise helps me if I’m feeling low. Any sort of physical activity really. Classes can be good as they also provide some social interaction.

Being near water also helps. I like to paddleboard or wild swim in the summer or a coastal walk on a nice winter day.

Getting together with friends and having a good moan can also make me feel better.

everyones different but try some things out and see what works for you.

Can’t see if anyone suggested it but get full bloods done at the GP or pay for a Thriva one if you can afford it. Sometimes lacking in Vit D can have a massive impact on your MH.

Lots of time outdoors

Exercise

Eating well

And the main one: Good quality sleep!

I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this. I'm on week 12 of being signed off work, with another 5 weeks to go.
From my personal experience - learn to be selfish. I've stopped putting myself in situations just to please other people. Be kind to yourself. Write 3 things you're thankful for daily (can be big or small). Medication. Take help when offered (especially with children). Don't put pressure on yourself x

Edit to add- get your b12 checked!

Meds of some kind :) They don't let me have antidepressants as I'm bipolar so- quetiapine. 😀

It's easy to use alcohol for that quick hit, but it usually actually makes you feel worse the next day/week/month (especially if you're on any sort of meds, because alcohol can effect some meds' effectiveness.)

For me it's an increase of meds to start with which you've done. And then rather than be around adults I found it easier to be with my kids (2 & 5). Just me and them, Christmas chocs and a film, a trip out in the car etc they just want me and it's so much easier to be with them as myself than the fake smiley person I needed to be around other insightful adults. The no pressure and pure love from the kids was the best tbh as ridiculous as that probably sounds.

Little things too like making our beds every morning, doing the ironing, keeping the washing up down. This all stopped me from feeling completely suffocated. Also taking the easy way out sometimes, doing online shopping even if it cost a bit more etc. Answering the phone to my brother and just listening rather than not answering at all.

No alcohol.
Break day up into manageable chunks setting little goals.
Outside! Whatever the weather, dress appropriately and go!
Medications made me feel like I was numb and a zombie.

You have my sympathy and understanding.

I am just on the other side of a major depressive episode. I lost the ability to read so podcasts were a life saver - gentle ones. I also listened to thunderstorms to fall asleep.

I had whole days where I lay in the fetal position and literally did nothing. I engaged in counselling which helped. I took medication and slowly started to exercise. I tried to build up the amount of tasks I could do in a day.

It got better. I feel like myself again. It took time and patience. I was very ill, as you are, and need time to heal and get well again. You will make it through.