To think this comment from an advisor at HMRC just shows how things haven’t changed with sexism

[whatsbowb]

I called to make payment back for child benefit that I owed. It was around 600 quid. I was calling to make the payment and it was taking forever, the guy on the phone acknowledged it himself and I was in no way rude to him, just the entire process was long winded. I said flippantly, it’s hardly worth even claiming CB by the time it takes to do something so simple. To which he said ‘well ask a single mum on low income that question, it’s important to them.’

Sorry what? Single mum? Heaven forbid a single dad might need support? Or is it just women that we put in this light?

I am single parent so I don’t know if I internally took offence to this comment because of that? Or am I right that this ‘single mum’ phrase is often a put down?!

He probably spends a lot of his days with distraught single mothers begging for help and that bit of cb is all he can offer, which makes a difference to some. He probably makes peanuts and struggles to get along himself and works in some godawful call centre in a nasty town with a shitty manager breathing down his neck to meet targets.

I know that, thank you.

@BIossomtoes

But your comment didn't make sense in that case? OP doesn't think £600 is "so insignificant it's not worth bothering with" - she was paying that amount back to HMRC, not claiming it.

Surely he was unreasonable in that single parents on low income wouldn’t have to go through this process of paying any back anyway? Don’t you only pay any back if you earn over £50K?

But you are unreasonable as you can make this payment online.

Presumably she thinks the proportion she gets to keep from the child benefit isn't worth the hassle of the phone call to pay the £600 back.

And I agree that it's a stupid system - why not just lower the amount paid each month to people who earn above the threshold for keeping it all, rather than pay them the full amount then ask for a proportion to be paid back? It's just silly and an extra hassle for people, so get the frustration.

And I stand by my comment that the HMRC advisor's comment wasn't relevant and made no sense, as if a single mum is on a low income they don't need to spend time on the phone to pay anything back from their child benefit, they just keep it all.

Yes! First other person on the thread to have understood this in your first sentence. Thank you, glad it's not just me that the saw the glaringly obvious 😂

She said “I said flippantly, it’s hardly worth even claiming CB”, implying that £600 is inconsequential. It’s a significant sum of money to everyone I know, many of whom are comfortably off.

@BIossomtoes

Yes, I know what she said. But she was not receiving the £600, she was paying it back, therefore her comment was in reference to that amount as that makes no sense. It was in reference to the amount she gets to keep after having paid back the £600, and weighing that amount up against the hassle of being on a call for ages to pay back the £600, she has decided it's not worth that hassle for the amount that she keeps in her own pocket. So again, she's not saying £600 is inconsequential- she's saying the process of paying that amount back is a hassle and not worth the amount she's left with, after that's paid back.

*wasn't in reference to that amount

As I've said, it's a ridiculous system if you fall within that 50-60k bracket. Below 50k you keep the full CB, above 60k you get nothing. But in between those amounts you get to keep a proportion of it. Rather than calculate what you're due and pay it each month, they pay the full amount and then bill you at the end of the tax year for the difference back. Why can't they just pay what you're owed? To me it's like an employer deliberately overpaying you every month then saying at the end of the year, right you owe us x percentage back. It's nonsensical to me. Surely just lower the initial payments to save the hassle. 🤷‍♀️

YABU for not realising how lucky you are to not need that money. Also child benefit generally goes to the mother. You sound like the type of person to get offended for offended sake.

You were rude and he made a statement which may be stereotyping but is probably true for the majority. Stop trying to find a reason to be affronted

Fwiw OP, I don't see any sexism in his comment, but it definitely doesn't make any sense in reference to the point you were complaining about, because the phone calls to pay money back do not affect single parents on low income anyway.

Your comment was pretty obnoxious- I can actually imagine saying something like that and realising once it was out of my mouth how entitled it sounded- but you don’t seem to be able to recognise that? He’s human too, and it clearly irritated him, and he gave a response that may not have been entirely progressional, but reflected his own views on your privileged position. I’d just be cringing that I’d said that, and think his response fair enough. His comment was not sexist, just factual.

professional that should have said!

Facts, not sexist.

He might earn very little in his job whilst listening to you moaning. Just remember that next time.

If you want to be strictly factual about it, his comment was correct. Child benefit does make a difference to single mums on low incomes. He didn't say 'only single mums', so he wasn't making assumptions about who cares for children. But as others said, the majority of children are cared for by their mothers and his comment was probably also a reflection of the people he regularly speaks to in the course of his job and what he sees in society around him.

If you want to be strictly factual about it, his comment was correct.

It might have been correct, but it wasn't relevant to OP's comment to him, which was a gripe about the process she has to go through as a higher earner to pay a proportion of the CB back. That's what makes it odd to me.

Isn't this to mitigate the effect on those with financially controlling partners of child benefit no longer being a universal benefit?

They can't make the high earner give money to their partner, but they can claim overpaid child benefit back from them.

They also don't know until the end of the tax year how much you'll owe as you might get a bonus, do some overtime or pay extra into your pension to reduce what you owe, which is a very good plan if you can afford it because, as well as keeping more of your CB, you get 40% tax relief on the amount that goes into your pension, so you're doubling your money.

How is it hardly work the time?

Just how long did it take that wasn't worth the £600 you were owed?

Has the op not deigned to answer who is her childrens primary carer? I wonder why.

Sorry, see that it's money you owed.

Still, it I don't see how it wasn't worth your time, or anyone else.

I'm owed £6.80 by TFL, I will be calling to claim.

I've noticed a difference in what men and women mean by "single parent". When my mum friends say "single parent" (about themselves), they mean their exes have zero contact with their children at all. When the men I know refer to themselves as "single parents" they mean that they have their child 50/50, EOW or some other shared custody arrangement, and are parenting them alone during that time.