Page 2 | To think this comment from an advisor at HMRC just shows how things haven’t changed with sexism

whatsbowb · 2023-12-09T20:05:03+00:00

I called to make payment back for child benefit that I owed. It was around 600 quid. I was calling to make the payment and it was taking forever, the guy on the phone acknowledged it himself and I was in no way rude to him, just the entire process was long winded. I said flippantly, it’s hardly worth even claiming CB by the time it takes to do something so simple. To which he said ‘well ask a single mum on low income that question, it’s important to them.’ Sorry what? Single mum? Heaven forbid a single dad might need support? Or is it just women that we put in this light? I am single parent so I don’t know if I internally took offence to this comment because of that? Or am I right that this ‘single mum’ phrase is often a put down?!

user628468523532453 · 09/12/2023 20:59

SequentialAnalyst · 09/12/2023 20:19

It was unprofessional for him to reply like that, IMHO., although I don't think he intended offence.

You were making a light remark. His reply was not in the spirit of a light remark, but I suspect it just came out like that as an off the cuff reply. But at least he has an understanding of how many people live.

I'd be a bit annoyed at this exchange. But only briefly...

It doesn't sound like a light remark from op, it sounds like a very pointed snippy remark.

mymumwouldntapprove · 09/12/2023 21:01

I work with single parents.
currently around 400 on my caseload.
there are maybe 20 single dads among them, and around a dozen grandparents fostering grandchildren - exclusively grandmothers.

I don’t think what he said was incorrect, but it wasn’t very professional of him to say it.

swuahies · 09/12/2023 21:03

@whatsbowb your ex is a single dad. However, the fact that you are claiming child benefit means he probably isn't. Hereford proving the employees point.

Anyway, he used a single mum as an example. When making an example, it's not unusual to refer to the most common scenario

Defaultsettings · 09/12/2023 21:05

May be he said single mums on low income because you’re a single mum who isn’t in a low income?

Brandyginger · 09/12/2023 21:07

It’s not sexist to make an (unprofessional) statement backed up by facts.

Spaghetto24 · 09/12/2023 21:10

I've taught many many children with absent fathers. Can only think of one with an absent mother. That's over 15 years in several areas. It's anecdotal, but I'm sure data backs it up.

Pipistrellus · 09/12/2023 21:13

Defaultsettings · 09/12/2023 21:05

May be he said single mums on low income because you’re a single mum who isn’t in a low income?

Good point. So, maybe just meaning to say that if you were on a low income it would be important to you. Though for anyone on an income that meant they were still entitled to half CB, it should certainly be worth claiming even if it meant an hour on the phone!

Boymum2104 · 09/12/2023 21:14

A bit of a reach trying to call this sexism. Very entitled imo to say it's not even worth claiming

orangegato · 09/12/2023 21:16

HMRC staff have the right to perceive the overwhelming demographic of claimants as they take the calls all day long? It’s a fair assumption. For instance most plumbers are male, not all but most. Sexism is a bit of a pointless stretch…

Original poster

whatsbowb · 09/12/2023 21:16

Well i definitely didn’t mean to offend him, not even sure how I possibly could have. I was simply saying that the time it was taking hardly makes it worth it in the first place, I wasn’t blaming him for the delay

OP posts:

WandaWonder · 09/12/2023 21:17

Do you have list of things to get offended by

You are deliberately being obtuse, and just because one staff member says something you stamp your foot over does not make the whole organisation anything

RealBigBarbie · 09/12/2023 21:17

Oh so you’re THAT customer

Pipistrellus · 09/12/2023 21:34

whatsbowb · 09/12/2023 21:16

Well i definitely didn’t mean to offend him, not even sure how I possibly could have. I was simply saying that the time it was taking hardly makes it worth it in the first place, I wasn’t blaming him for the delay

How long did it take? If you have one child you'd be keeping £600. How on earth is that not worth it?

topnoddy · 09/12/2023 21:36

Were you sitting on the phone waiting to be offended ?

Diaria · 09/12/2023 21:36

whatsbowb · 09/12/2023 21:16

Well i definitely didn’t mean to offend him, not even sure how I possibly could have. I was simply saying that the time it was taking hardly makes it worth it in the first place, I wasn’t blaming him for the delay

@whatsbowb

But can’t you see that is hugely offensive?

You are dismissing the importance of what is a vast amount of money for some people that enables them to feed their children.

And dismissing the importance it has in giving others national insurance contributions towards their pension.

You are earning enough so that you pay a proportion of it back, and discount the few hundred you get as relatively unimportant - not even worth having patience for a half hour on the phone - because you are comfortable financially…..

The reason the phone lines are busy is because many people are desperate for that money and not in the lucky position you are in. And because there are less civil servants in jobs due to cuts to be able to answer phones.

You’ve just poo pooed all of them.

You might as well have said “oh it’s hardly worth my time being on the phone for £600+ in my pocket, I’m so rich and comfortable, could somebody pass me my diamond encrusted champagne glass? Ta ta”

What you said was obnoxious.

Good on him for standing up for common decency.

SequentialAnalyst · 09/12/2023 21:37

user628468523532453 · 09/12/2023 20:59

It doesn't sound like a light remark from op, it sounds like a very pointed snippy remark.

Show quote history

From the OP:
the entire process was long winded. I said flippantly, it’s hardly worth even claiming CB by the time it takes to do something so simple.

@user628468523532453 you've read what OP says she said in the wrong tone of voice, I suspect.

Perhaps on analysis OP's words could be read as being a bit insensitive, but pointed and snippy?. But it's the HMRC bloke who shouldn't have said what he said, as he is employed in a professional capacity. Something like "I know, it can be annoying" would have been a more fitting reply.

alwaysmovingforwards · 09/12/2023 21:39

I'll file this under "when rubbish threads don't go the way the OP thought they would" 😆

AnneValentine · 09/12/2023 21:41

whatsbowb · 09/12/2023 20:12

@Keilagh i’m being factual

Show quote history

The majority of single parents claiming CB are women. The majority struggling to raise kids alone are women.

salamirose · 09/12/2023 21:45

If you are a single dad then say ahem..I'm a single dad and need the income too. And then they'll learn.

randomstress · 09/12/2023 21:45

The bloke was being factual and not sexist.

gooddayruby · 09/12/2023 21:46

Meh

user628468523532453 · 09/12/2023 21:51

SequentialAnalyst · 09/12/2023 21:37

From the OP:
the entire process was long winded. I said flippantly, it’s hardly worth even claiming CB by the time it takes to do something so simple.

@user628468523532453 you've read what OP says she said in the wrong tone of voice, I suspect.

Perhaps on analysis OP's words could be read as being a bit insensitive, but pointed and snippy?. But it's the HMRC bloke who shouldn't have said what he said, as he is employed in a professional capacity. Something like "I know, it can be annoying" would have been a more fitting reply.

Show quote history

We're all speculating on tone of voice. Unless you were there, I don't think you're qualified to tell me I've read the wrong tone!

I think describing government policy as "annoying" would have been unprofessional from a HMRC call handler.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 09/12/2023 21:55

Maybe he had someone in particular in mind (like his sister, or his own mum) and was a bit offended by your remark.

Oblomov23 · 09/12/2023 21:55

Eh? Sounds like a complete overreaction on your half.

Ghentsummer · 09/12/2023 21:57

SequentialAnalyst · 09/12/2023 21:37

From the OP:
the entire process was long winded. I said flippantly, it’s hardly worth even claiming CB by the time it takes to do something so simple.

@user628468523532453 you've read what OP says she said in the wrong tone of voice, I suspect.

Perhaps on analysis OP's words could be read as being a bit insensitive, but pointed and snippy?. But it's the HMRC bloke who shouldn't have said what he said, as he is employed in a professional capacity. Something like "I know, it can be annoying" would have been a more fitting reply.

Show quote history

Yes because him criticising his work place would have been incredibly professional.

And unless you were there I don't see how you can proclaim that a previous poster is wrong about the tone of voice used.