Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this comment from an advisor at HMRC just shows how things haven’t changed with sexism

103 replies

whatsbowb · 09/12/2023 20:05

I called to make payment back for child benefit that I owed. It was around 600 quid. I was calling to make the payment and it was taking forever, the guy on the phone acknowledged it himself and I was in no way rude to him, just the entire process was long winded. I said flippantly, it’s hardly worth even claiming CB by the time it takes to do something so simple. To which he said ‘well ask a single mum on low income that question, it’s important to them.’

Sorry what? Single mum? Heaven forbid a single dad might need support? Or is it just women that we put in this light?

I am single parent so I don’t know if I internally took offence to this comment because of that? Or am I right that this ‘single mum’ phrase is often a put down?!

OP posts:
ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 09/12/2023 22:06

RealBigBarbie · 09/12/2023 21:17

Oh so you’re THAT customer

Yes, we all recognise them.

Grow up OP.

SequentialAnalyst · 09/12/2023 22:55

But neither can other posters claim their tone of voice is right either! Grin I read it in a flippant tone, as described by OP.

SuspiciousSue · 09/12/2023 23:01
  1. It’s mostly single mums
  2. He just used a phrase and picked out a certain demographic, nothing wrong with that.

You’re being ridiculous and getting offended over nothing.

AmazingDayz · 09/12/2023 23:08

Gingerbread states that around 90% of RP are women so yes you are being ridiculous. My ex doesn't see our children so he certainly isn't a "single dad" 😑

Buffypaws · 09/12/2023 23:11

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 09/12/2023 20:16

He was rude to pull you up but I don't agree he was sexiest.

Of course not, Spike is sexiest (ok maybe Giles)

topnoddy · 09/12/2023 23:21
warning on air GIF by Adult Swim

q

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 09/12/2023 23:24

The majority of single parents are women. For extremely obvious reasons. It’s not a sexist comment, is it?!

Mummymummy89 · 09/12/2023 23:27

I actually think it's more sexist when people don't acknowledge that single parents are mostly mums. It devalues/erases the huge amount of caring that women do, collectively.

Single dads, as primary carers, are really rare compared to single mums.

Willyoujustbequiet · 09/12/2023 23:27

Get a grip

He's correct. The overwhelming majority of single parents are women.

letspopthekettleon · 09/12/2023 23:30

whatsbowb · 09/12/2023 20:05

I called to make payment back for child benefit that I owed. It was around 600 quid. I was calling to make the payment and it was taking forever, the guy on the phone acknowledged it himself and I was in no way rude to him, just the entire process was long winded. I said flippantly, it’s hardly worth even claiming CB by the time it takes to do something so simple. To which he said ‘well ask a single mum on low income that question, it’s important to them.’

Sorry what? Single mum? Heaven forbid a single dad might need support? Or is it just women that we put in this light?

I am single parent so I don’t know if I internally took offence to this comment because of that? Or am I right that this ‘single mum’ phrase is often a put down?!

Statistically it's far more likely that a single mum would be claiming than a single dad. Feel lucky that you're in a position to pay it back. Bravo to him. You're being pathetic.

Stressybetty · 09/12/2023 23:33

Agree it was unprofessional for him to say that however sounds like your comment moaning about how long he was taking to sort it out hit a nerve.

HMRC call center staff get moaned at and blamed for things all day long when most of the time it's back office delays, lack of staff and the long winded call processes and procedures they have to follow.

Don't think he was being sexist, it's a quick retort he said without thinking and probably regretted afterwards.

lkwhjis · 09/12/2023 23:34

This thread is satire, surely. How do people like OP get through the day?

Almostateeagersmum2023 · 09/12/2023 23:46

lkwhjis · 09/12/2023 23:34

This thread is satire, surely. How do people like OP get through the day?

I always wonder what kind of jobs people like OP have that they don’t have to think about how they talk to people.

BalletBob · 10/12/2023 00:05

Not sexist to acknowledge that the overwhelming majority of single parents who are their children's primary carer are women.

Hella sexist to claim offense in the hopes of covering this fact up by pretending it's an issue that affects both sexes equally and insisting on gender neutral language in discussion.

HMRC guy was a bit unprofessional but was probably ticked off that you were saying potentially £100+ a month isn't worth a few minutes of your time on the phone, when he likely deals with people in desperate circumstances on a daily basis.

BrimfulOfMash · 10/12/2023 07:27

It was an example.

And I wonder how he will have been discussing your comment with his internet chat group. ‘Haha £100 pcm isn’t worth having’. To someone who will be earning less than you.

Not all single parents are Mums…
Not all women are financially struggling…

But being flippant about money given by the gvt when so many people of all ilk are really struggling….

SapphireOpal · 10/12/2023 07:35

You were much ruder than he was.

£600ish not worth a bit of time on the phone? Seriously? Don't bloody claim it then, because it's not there for people like you.

BIossomtoes · 10/12/2023 07:39

I don’t know anyone who thinks £600 is so insignificant it’s not worth bothering with. He was absolutely spot on and you got off pretty lightly @whatsbowb.

Mumof2teens79 · 10/12/2023 07:44

Are you male or female?
Single mums are more common- especially truly Single, with no other parent support or shared custody, do ge was probably right.

Why are you claiming if you have to repay?

Mumof2teens79 · 10/12/2023 07:48

whatsbowb · 09/12/2023 20:09

@Keilagh how does that work?

My ex is still a single Dad?

Show quote history

So does your ex share responsibility equally?
There is confusion over what people mean by single parent and what it can mean in reality.
It can mean a parent who is romantically single, but shares responsibility and costs, and co-parents the children
Or it can mean one person trying to do everything alone. They are more often than not, mums.

Mumof2teens79 · 10/12/2023 07:51

If he was speaking to a woman it makes perfect sense to draw comparison to other women/,mums

Especially as women claim most CB and that's probably who he speaks to 98% of the time

Zanatdy · 10/12/2023 07:54

Don’t you just do a tax return and pay? Mine was pretty easy, I didn’t need to phone anyone. You can cancel it if it’s too much hassle for you, I’d say one phone call is hardly a massive effort. His comment wasn’t sexist, let’s face it the majority of single parents are women. Not all, majority. I wouldn’t clash my ex as a single dad, when the kids don’t stay at his house at all, he helps with school runs when he can, and has been working overseas. Hardly the same as me, having to do everything. Of course some men are genuine single dads, I dated someone who had full custody of his kids, but that’s rare, and he gets a lot of praise for it as he’s a man

sickofallthis · 10/12/2023 07:56

His comment makes no sense anyway.

OP was complaining about the length of time it took to pay pack a proportion of her CB presumably because she earns over the threshold to keep it all. A "single mum on low income" wouldn't need to waste time on the phone trying to pay any of it back because they'd earning little enough to qualify to keep it all.

Or am I missing the point? 😂

sickofallthis · 10/12/2023 07:58

BIossomtoes · 10/12/2023 07:39

I don’t know anyone who thinks £600 is so insignificant it’s not worth bothering with. He was absolutely spot on and you got off pretty lightly @whatsbowb.

OP was calling to pay back that amount, not claim it. Presumably she earns about the threshold of 50k so has to pay some back...

sickofallthis · 10/12/2023 07:58

*earns above

sickofallthis · 10/12/2023 08:03

And OP if you are paying it back because you earn above the 50k threshold, I actually see your point about how daft and convoluted the system is. You can't reduce the amount you receive each month in line with your income - instead, they pay you the full amount each month then at the end of the tax year bill you for a proportion of it to be paid back. I think it's a ridiculous system - they should just lower the payments each month instead.

I have just tipped into the over 50k bracket myself this year so next year will be my first time of having to pay some of it back, and I'm trying to keep track of how much I'll owe but it's difficult to calculate! So I get the frustration with the system and if it's a hassle to sit on the phone and pay it back, is it even worth claiming in the first place.