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AIBU?

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Original poster

Detention

123 replies

Rachna83 · 08/12/2023 22:59

My daughter got a 30 min after school detention due to not having PE kit twice. She borrowed school kit. She has since told me she lost her kit so I will need to buy her a new one. I asked for some clarification from school as I felt detention was harsh. They explained it was school policy and all children are aware. I get that and the need to be responsible at that age. I asked what policy they are following as I couldn't find anything on the website. I was told PE policy. I asked for a copy but she was very reluctant but eventually said she would email. I followed this up and was sent a screenshot of a Microsoft word page with the relavent section I thought this odd so have asked for the entire policy as a pdf. This has been met with a blunt response of it's not relevant and the part sent is all I need to see. Now my child has already done the detention but I am finding this really odd. Should schools have something concrete or can they just issue detention for something like this?

OP posts:
CaineRaine · 09/12/2023 17:56

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

Totally this, what an utter waste of everyone’s time. At my dcs school, the home school agreement sets out something about pupils coming equipped for lessons and forgetting PE kit would fall under failing to do this.

Seriously OP, get a grip and let the teachers get on with more important matters. Your dc now clearly knows the expectation and what the consequence is for not meeting it, regardless of whether the school can produce a piece of paper that YOU deem justifies their stance.

Aliceinnorthernland · 09/12/2023 17:59

Stop being an obtuse pain in the butt. It's pretty obvious that a detention would be reasonable for not remembering your PE kit. Why are you wasting everyone's time with getting them to send a specific bit of paper saying it? What are you going to do if it's not written on paper?

Focus instead on why your child didn't take her kit in.

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/12/2023 18:00

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:22

Alternatives to detention..

a) Asking questions to find out why the PE kit was forgotten - it may be a genuine error, lack of organisational skills that need developing, an undiagnosed condition that affects executive functioning or perhaps the child is looking for ways to get out of PE for any number of reasons.

b) Focusing on solutions i.e. what can we do to make sure you don't forget the kit again? This could be an opportunity to develop better organisational skills for example.

c) Decide on a logical consequence of forgetting it again e.g. if you don't have your kit, you can't take part in the class and this will impact your final grade. The difference between a punishment and a consequence is that the former doesn't have any relevance to the behaviour in question and is designed to isolate and make kids feel worse about themselves, so runs counter to a solution-based approach.

d) Review the situation at a later date, give feedback & celebrate any positive change.

As adults, if we make a mistake in the workplace, we would not expect to be isolated from our colleagues and our breaks taken away from us - this should not be the norm for us in the workplace nor our kids at school.

Edited

I wonder at which point in a PE lesson involving up to 30 children this lengthy discussion is meant to take place...

Aliceinnorthernland · 09/12/2023 18:01

Good grief. And we wonder why teachers are leaving in their droves!

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 18:11

Ds has major issues with organisation. So it falls on me at home to help make sure he is going into school organised! It’s no point not doing the leg work at home and then expecting school to just say “oh well never mind”

if not taking his PE kit in and getting away with it was an option he would “forget” it every week. Infact at primary school he tried to hide it and was most disappointed when he was caught out!

Tacotortoise · 09/12/2023 18:13

Decimbir · 09/12/2023 17:47

Side rant prompted by how much some pp are loving the opportunity to support detention for this - It’s weird that with so much more recognition of ‘neurodivergence’ schools still punish children for problems with organisation if they don’t have a label. Forgetting kit is hardly like swearing at a teacher, deliberately breaking uniform rules or chatting in class. I hate all the smug ‘they’ll never learn otherwise’ people. Some children won’t learn with the punitive attitude either, they’ll just end up in a constant state of anxiety, even less able to handle the day, and disengage from school.

Punitive action works for the vast majority of children. Being nd doesn't necessarily equate to lacking organisational skills, nor does it equate to not needing to learn strategies for organising oneself. Speaking as someone's who is chronically disorganised unless I use the strategies I've taught myself, detention was a really minor punitive experience compared to the years of losing and replacing things and missing out on things as I learnt how to sort my shit out.

whatsappdoc · 09/12/2023 18:22

Lol at op not wanting to make a fuss! Insisting on a pdf wtaf? Student forgets kit, was warned presumably that next time would result in a detention, forgets kit again, gets detention.

spanieleyes · 09/12/2023 18:36

There will probably be a sentence in the behaviour policy that says children need to ensure they have the required equipment for each lesson- Failure to do so will result in a detention, or similar wording, What there will NOT be is a further dozen pages listing what equipment is required in each lesson and what the consequences of not having it will be.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 09/12/2023 18:42

I also think the school is very quick at handing out detentions and as a previous poster said this can take away the effectiveness of them. Just seems a normal part of secondary school now.

Oh fgs. This is a normal thing for which schools issue detentions. Detentions have always been 'a normal part of secondary school'. It's a deterrent. It clearly isn't taking away the effectiveness of it if it's wound you up this much. Hopefully your daughter will think twice about not bringing her PE kit in future.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/12/2023 18:48

Rachna83 · 09/12/2023 17:04

Communication is definitely poor. The school had a lot of behaviour issues last year I'm talking physical fights in the corridors so have really clamped down. Now detention is for anything from wearing hoop earrings, long nails to swearing (definitely more serious in my eyes and what in my younger days you actually got detention for).

Show quote history

if there have been fights in corridors, isn't it a good thing that the means of causing and receiving some pretty horrendous injuries - false nails (and often Ballerina, ie, deliberately pointed, shape) and large earrings that can get ripped out - are completely banned in school?

Qwerty556 · 09/12/2023 18:48

Your daughter deserved a detention

Sometimes I wish schools could give parents detentions too.

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 18:48

Ds has had one detention - he is now in year 9. Me and his 1-1 both reminded him he had homework and offered to help. He didn’t do it. He got detention.

he learnt from that that homework isn’t optional and since then he has done his homework accepting the support offered.

i could have argued that he should be excempt but that wouldn’t have helped him in the long run.

terraced · 09/12/2023 18:51

Sounds like the school was reasonable with the punishment. I'd just leave it now.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/12/2023 19:02

c) Decide on a logical consequence of forgetting it again e.g. if you don't have your kit, you can't take part in the class and this will impact your final grade. The difference between a punishment and a consequence is that the former doesn't have any relevance to the behaviour in question and is designed to isolate and make kids feel worse about themselves, so runs counter to a solution-based approach.

Thinking about this from my point of view aged 13.

a) Can't take part in the class = result
b) Impact my final grade = I'm 13, I'm never going to do it for GCSE and nobody anywhere of any significance is ever going to ask what my end of Y9 mark was for it.

Admittedly, I did have form for this, as I'd already worked out if I failed to hand in a piece of homework in a morning lesson, I'd get to spend lunchtime in a warm classroom in detention, rather than having to freeze my arse off in the playground. But there is a good chance that even the terrible punishment you think detention represents is deemed a price worth paying if it gets you out of the running around a frozen field in a mini skirt at 9am business.

Cherrysherbet · 09/12/2023 19:08

Pick your battles carefully op.

Save it for when serious stuff happens, otherwise you’ll be labelled as ‘that parent’ and no one will listen to you.

This is such a non issue. Tell your DD to be more responsible with her belongings.

SnowyPetals · 09/12/2023 19:18

Your DD should remember her PE kit, whatever the sanctions for forgetting. You now know what they are. Who gives a monkeys if it's written down? You are being unnecessarily pedantic. What will you do differently as a result of seeing it written down?

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 09/12/2023 19:25

I wonder at which point in a PE lesson involving up to 30 children this lengthy discussion is meant to take place...

I wonder why it isn't the parents' job to do all this, so the teacher can get on with teaching PE.

UsingChangeofName · 09/12/2023 19:53

Side rant prompted by how much some pp are loving the opportunity to support detention for this - It’s weird that with so much more recognition of ‘neurodivergence’ schools still punish children for problems with organisation if they don’t have a label. Forgetting kit is hardly like swearing at a teacher, deliberately breaking uniform rules or chatting in class. I hate all the smug ‘they’ll never learn otherwise’ people. Some children won’t learn with the punitive attitude either, they’ll just end up in a constant state of anxiety, even less able to handle the day, and disengage from school.

No they won't - or at least all children who are neurodiverse won't. 2 of my 3 have ADHD. Organisation has been (and remains) extremely challenging for them. So my job, as their parent, was to help put in place all the scaffolding, and support I could, to help them get through life.

All of us find some things harder in life. That means we have to work harder at them and find ways to circumnavigate those difficulties.

The support I gave them benefitted them in school, when they first left home to live by themselves at University, and now they are in the workplace. Yes, organising themselves is hard work, but it has to happen just to live your life as a teen or as an adult - socially as well as at work. Having a go at the school for expecting the teaching staff to enforce very reasonable sanctions is not benefiting your child AT ALL.

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 20:05

manipulatrice · 09/12/2023 16:48

@Iwasafool I think it's pretty simple. No PE kit = detention?

For that one thing but I assume the behaviour policy will cover other things. Are parents supposed to just know what those rules are? If the school want cooperation then they do need to produce policies parents can access.

Actually is it that simple? Because that isn't the policy the OP has been told, she's been told no PE kit x 2 = detention. Whose right you are her?

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 20:08

spanieleyes · 09/12/2023 18:36

There will probably be a sentence in the behaviour policy that says children need to ensure they have the required equipment for each lesson- Failure to do so will result in a detention, or similar wording, What there will NOT be is a further dozen pages listing what equipment is required in each lesson and what the consequences of not having it will be.

Well wouldn't it be useful if the OP had the opportunity to read it.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 09/12/2023 20:13

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 20:08

Well wouldn't it be useful if the OP had the opportunity to read it.

Show quote history

Well wouldn’t it be useful if the daughter could remember her PE kit ?

stomachameleon · 09/12/2023 20:14

@Iwasafool I just feel she has it the wrong way round. When my boys started schools I made sure I knew behaviour policies and knew how to Access them.

And the pe one is quite a basic one. If it was something more obsolete I would get it.

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 20:15

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 20:08

Well wouldn't it be useful if the OP had the opportunity to read it.

Show quote history

As much as I agree policies should be easily available surely no parent needs to read a policy to know that taking PE kit to PE lessons is expected and sanctions will be in place for forgetting?

Justfinking · 09/12/2023 20:16

I don't understand why you need to see the policy. It seems a pretty basic thing not to forget your PE gear. This is why teachers end up wasting their time not actually teaching kids, kids are so spoilt and teachers are leaving in droves.

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2023 20:18

As much as I agree policies should be easily available surely no parent needs to read a policy to know that taking PE kit to PE lessons is expected and sanctions will be in place for forgetting?
Agreed!
What next? I'm not sure my DC should have been given a detention. How are they to know they need to bring a pen and equipment to school?