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AIBU?

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Original poster

Detention

123 replies

Rachna83 · 08/12/2023 22:59

My daughter got a 30 min after school detention due to not having PE kit twice. She borrowed school kit. She has since told me she lost her kit so I will need to buy her a new one. I asked for some clarification from school as I felt detention was harsh. They explained it was school policy and all children are aware. I get that and the need to be responsible at that age. I asked what policy they are following as I couldn't find anything on the website. I was told PE policy. I asked for a copy but she was very reluctant but eventually said she would email. I followed this up and was sent a screenshot of a Microsoft word page with the relavent section I thought this odd so have asked for the entire policy as a pdf. This has been met with a blunt response of it's not relevant and the part sent is all I need to see. Now my child has already done the detention but I am finding this really odd. Should schools have something concrete or can they just issue detention for something like this?

OP posts:
Mischance · 09/12/2023 17:10

Policies should be on the website - indeed OfSted check that they are there. If they are not then you need to ask why not.

manipulatrice · 09/12/2023 17:17

Detentions should be for those things! If they have a uniform standard and it's not adhered to, then deal with the consequences.

You seem to be quick to blame the school. If you knew your child had PE, were you checking they had the right kit on the right day?

Ugh. Your kid got detention, get over it.

Skyblue92 · 09/12/2023 17:18

Honestly, instead of complaining about them not forwarding you a behaviour policy, id be asking your daughter why she felt she couldn’t tell you she’d lost her kit after the first time. She will have been warned that next time it’s a detention, so why did she feel she couldn’t tell you she needed new kit

detention for forgetting kit is standard and most schools give a warning for the first offence

trunkler · 09/12/2023 17:19

Now detention is for anything from wearing hoop earrings, long nails to swearing

So breaking school uniform rules with the earrings and the long nails and swearing which is usually at the teachers not just a teacher overheard someone say bloody in the corridor. My son's school had a clear behaviour policy, some things fall under a verbal warning first then this escalates to a negative, some things are an immediate detention. Does your DD not have a school planner? All the behaviour stuff is usually written in there so they have it with them daily and can be shown and will have been shown the punishments for rule breaking.

Clearly the detention is working as both you and your daughter are upset about it. Break the rules, get the punishment.

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 17:20

I have just checked the policy at DS school and it has a section on expections from pupils which includes -

“Be fully equipped for all lessons”

and at the bottom of the list that is in it makes it clear that sanctions will apply for failure to do so.

the policy isn’t going to go into every specific possibility of breach of the rules because it’s impossible to do so!

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:22

Alternatives to detention..

a) Asking questions to find out why the PE kit was forgotten - it may be a genuine error, lack of organisational skills that need developing, an undiagnosed condition that affects executive functioning or perhaps the child is looking for ways to get out of PE for any number of reasons.

b) Focusing on solutions i.e. what can we do to make sure you don't forget the kit again? This could be an opportunity to develop better organisational skills for example.

c) Decide on a logical consequence of forgetting it again e.g. if you don't have your kit, you can't take part in the class and this will impact your final grade. The difference between a punishment and a consequence is that the former doesn't have any relevance to the behaviour in question and is designed to isolate and make kids feel worse about themselves, so runs counter to a solution-based approach.

d) Review the situation at a later date, give feedback & celebrate any positive change.

As adults, if we make a mistake in the workplace, we would not expect to be isolated from our colleagues and our breaks taken away from us - this should not be the norm for us in the workplace nor our kids at school.

ActDottie · 09/12/2023 17:24

She forgot her kit twice detention is fair enough. How about focussing your efforts on trying to encourage your child to remember/not lose her PE kit rather than trying to catch the school out?

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 09/12/2023 17:27

@OolSarahloO do you work in a school ?

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:30

Up until last year, yes. I spent 20 years teaching & teacher training in various settings.

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 17:30

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:22

Alternatives to detention..

a) Asking questions to find out why the PE kit was forgotten - it may be a genuine error, lack of organisational skills that need developing, an undiagnosed condition that affects executive functioning or perhaps the child is looking for ways to get out of PE for any number of reasons.

b) Focusing on solutions i.e. what can we do to make sure you don't forget the kit again? This could be an opportunity to develop better organisational skills for example.

c) Decide on a logical consequence of forgetting it again e.g. if you don't have your kit, you can't take part in the class and this will impact your final grade. The difference between a punishment and a consequence is that the former doesn't have any relevance to the behaviour in question and is designed to isolate and make kids feel worse about themselves, so runs counter to a solution-based approach.

d) Review the situation at a later date, give feedback & celebrate any positive change.

As adults, if we make a mistake in the workplace, we would not expect to be isolated from our colleagues and our breaks taken away from us - this should not be the norm for us in the workplace nor our kids at school.

Edited

A) will have been done.

b) probably done but not really the teachers responsibility

c) would be a reward for many children!

d) will already happen.

but how much time do you think teachers have to be chasing up repeat offenders for the same thing? Nicey nicey only goes so far in the real world!

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 17:31

And as adults no workplace is going to tolerate someone repeatedly coming in unprepared for the days work!

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 09/12/2023 17:31

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:30

Up until last year, yes. I spent 20 years teaching & teacher training in various settings.

How many years teaching secondary ?

Remmy123 · 09/12/2023 17:31

Of course a detention is acceptable punishment she forgot her pe kit ... twice!! How will they ever learn?

Seashor · 09/12/2023 17:33

donquixotedelamancha

Absolutely second this. Op and her daughter sound like a complete nightmare.

Tooshytoshine · 09/12/2023 17:36

I hate giving detentions. It feels like a punishment for me as well.

Honestly, she forgot her PE kit twice. It's hardly the story of the Hurricane. It's a reasonable punishment. What do you hope to achieve?

Stressfordays · 09/12/2023 17:37

My son lost his PE kit, I was really cross. I sorted him to borrow a kit by the next lesson, made him go to reception daily to see if it had been handed in and had bought him a new kit by the next lesson. Ironically, it turned up the day I bought him the 2nd kit but it's a gods send to have in case I haven't got it washed or he loses it again. I'd of fully expected him to get a detention if he just ignored the situation and just didn't take a kit for 2 lessons.

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:37

It's not about being nice, it's about the level of impact you want the intervention to have.

Detention is a great quick-fix.

Tooshytoshine · 09/12/2023 17:38

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:22

Alternatives to detention..

a) Asking questions to find out why the PE kit was forgotten - it may be a genuine error, lack of organisational skills that need developing, an undiagnosed condition that affects executive functioning or perhaps the child is looking for ways to get out of PE for any number of reasons.

b) Focusing on solutions i.e. what can we do to make sure you don't forget the kit again? This could be an opportunity to develop better organisational skills for example.

c) Decide on a logical consequence of forgetting it again e.g. if you don't have your kit, you can't take part in the class and this will impact your final grade. The difference between a punishment and a consequence is that the former doesn't have any relevance to the behaviour in question and is designed to isolate and make kids feel worse about themselves, so runs counter to a solution-based approach.

d) Review the situation at a later date, give feedback & celebrate any positive change.

As adults, if we make a mistake in the workplace, we would not expect to be isolated from our colleagues and our breaks taken away from us - this should not be the norm for us in the workplace nor our kids at school.

Edited

Yes, you can discuss all this at a detention.

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:39

If you forgot to do something twice at work, would you expect to be detained?

Tacotortoise · 09/12/2023 17:42

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:22

Alternatives to detention..

a) Asking questions to find out why the PE kit was forgotten - it may be a genuine error, lack of organisational skills that need developing, an undiagnosed condition that affects executive functioning or perhaps the child is looking for ways to get out of PE for any number of reasons.

b) Focusing on solutions i.e. what can we do to make sure you don't forget the kit again? This could be an opportunity to develop better organisational skills for example.

c) Decide on a logical consequence of forgetting it again e.g. if you don't have your kit, you can't take part in the class and this will impact your final grade. The difference between a punishment and a consequence is that the former doesn't have any relevance to the behaviour in question and is designed to isolate and make kids feel worse about themselves, so runs counter to a solution-based approach.

d) Review the situation at a later date, give feedback & celebrate any positive change.

As adults, if we make a mistake in the workplace, we would not expect to be isolated from our colleagues and our breaks taken away from us - this should not be the norm for us in the workplace nor our kids at school.

Edited

If I turn up at my workplace without my p.p.e. or laptop I can't work that day. Depending on what I'm supposed to be doing I might incur big losses to the business so that would be a disciplinary as well as a lost day's pay.

Maybe you work for some sort of slipshod operation where safety and productivity don't matter but in most companies they do.

Tacotortoise · 09/12/2023 17:43

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 17:39

If you forgot to do something twice at work, would you expect to be detained?

No I'd expect to lose my job.

Junemoon222 · 09/12/2023 17:43

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

Decimbir · 09/12/2023 17:47

Side rant prompted by how much some pp are loving the opportunity to support detention for this - It’s weird that with so much more recognition of ‘neurodivergence’ schools still punish children for problems with organisation if they don’t have a label. Forgetting kit is hardly like swearing at a teacher, deliberately breaking uniform rules or chatting in class. I hate all the smug ‘they’ll never learn otherwise’ people. Some children won’t learn with the punitive attitude either, they’ll just end up in a constant state of anxiety, even less able to handle the day, and disengage from school.

Icopewhenihope · 09/12/2023 17:49

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

This.
Absolutely ridiculous carry on!

Dweetfidilove · 09/12/2023 17:54

I wonder why anyone bothers with teaching anymore. Even the most passionate teachers must be utterly exhausted by the constant foolishness.

Your daughter has gone in without her kit twice, because for whatever reason she hasn’t/can’t tell you she’s lost it, and you’re spending time searching the minutiae of the PE policy.

Have you addressed this with her? Is it a case that you must bring her irrefutable evidence of why she received a detention?

I’m not understanding.