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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Detention

123 replies

Rachna83 · 08/12/2023 22:59

My daughter got a 30 min after school detention due to not having PE kit twice. She borrowed school kit. She has since told me she lost her kit so I will need to buy her a new one. I asked for some clarification from school as I felt detention was harsh. They explained it was school policy and all children are aware. I get that and the need to be responsible at that age. I asked what policy they are following as I couldn't find anything on the website. I was told PE policy. I asked for a copy but she was very reluctant but eventually said she would email. I followed this up and was sent a screenshot of a Microsoft word page with the relavent section I thought this odd so have asked for the entire policy as a pdf. This has been met with a blunt response of it's not relevant and the part sent is all I need to see. Now my child has already done the detention but I am finding this really odd. Should schools have something concrete or can they just issue detention for something like this?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/12/2023 00:53

Testina · 09/12/2023 00:47

Oh FGS 🙄
Definitely “that parent”.
It’s a detention for forgetting it once here. But you’d be happy as it’s written in a word document on their website.

She'd probably want them to faff around converting it to a PDF.

UsingChangeofName · 09/12/2023 16:20

Testina · 09/12/2023 00:50

In any case, school can’t write out every possible infraction. I daresay there isn’t a written policy for sticking your naked arse up to the next classroom’s window?
Or standing up and making elephant noises in assembly whilst spinning.
I don’t know about you, but a detention to 2x forgotten PE kits sounds quite predictable 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lol.

You made the same point I wanted to, but so much better Grin

enchantedsquirrelwood · 09/12/2023 16:23

Rachna83 · 08/12/2023 23:16

I don't want to create a fuss as I also work in education and know how annoying it can be. My daughter has already done her detention. What I want is clarity and a clear behaviour policy. If the PE policy does not state the sanction then what is it that the school is following. It seems a very ad hoc system.

The FULL behaviour policy should absolutely be on the website along with all the others.

I find school websites quite opaque so it might not be that easy to find. So email and ask for it again.

I do know that the headteacher of my son's junior school didn't put certain policies on the website because she preferred to have a chat with parents to see what their beef was before she gave it to them. That was some time ago now though and I don't know if would be considered good practice now.

SoupDragon · 09/12/2023 16:25

I would fully expect my DC to get a detention for forgetting kit twice. Surely this wasn't a surprise?

Like PP say, do you really expect every infringement to be listed?

enchantedsquirrelwood · 09/12/2023 16:25

PS I think it's normal to give detentions for forgetting or "losing" PE kit or any other sort of kit.

stomachameleon · 09/12/2023 16:29

@Rachna83 I Don't know what's 'ad hoc' about detention for forgetting your kit.
Behaviour policies will be online (think ofsted make sure of that) certainly any school I have worked in.
It won't deal with every eventuality though which is normal and sounds like a cop out from you.

Sorry if I have already said this.

sunshineandshowers40 · 09/12/2023 16:30

I think it normal in most secondary schools to get a detention for lost/forgotten PE kit. When my son lost his blazer I did email to say I was aware and would buy another one but it may take me a week, he was issued with a uniform pass for a week. Your DC needs to tell you when they have lost/misplaced things.

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2023 16:30

In any case, school can’t write out every possible infraction. I daresay there isn’t a written policy for sticking your naked arse up to the next classroom’s window?
Or standing up and making elephant noises in assembly whilst spinning.
I don’t know about you, but a detention to 2x forgotten PE kits sounds quite predictable 🤷🏻‍♀️
😂
Don't give mumsnetters ideas. There's enough of them who object to their children being anything other than free to do what they like when they like.
We'd have a new generation of AIBU school threads because technically school didn't spell out some stupid thing or other.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 09/12/2023 16:32

They’re trying to teach her to be responsible, tell your daughter it’s her own fault and support the school

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 16:34

It is not unreasonable to expect a clear policy that is communicated at the start of term and easy to access at any time. I'm not sure why schools still use detention anyway as it doesn't address the root cause of whatever issue it is.

Original poster
Rachna83 · 09/12/2023 16:38

I think the whole interaction with the school has raised a few issues for me. I get staff are busy which is why it probably would have been quicker just to forward me the policy as opposed to entering in to a dialogue. Seems unnecessary. I also think the school is very quick at handing out detentions and as a previous poster said this can take away the effectiveness of them. Just seems a normal part of secondary school now.
Appreciate all the responses though some have been more constructive and less rude than others.

OP posts:
manipulatrice · 09/12/2023 16:39

You have created a fuss. You are questioning a detention on behalf of your child, and going as far as to look up policies about said incident.

It happened. Detention was received. Move on.

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 16:45

manipulatrice · 09/12/2023 16:39

You have created a fuss. You are questioning a detention on behalf of your child, and going as far as to look up policies about said incident.

It happened. Detention was received. Move on.

Surely moving on involves knowing what the behaviour policy is? If OP wants to ensure her child conforms in future it would be really helpful to know the rules she needs to conform to.

PE kits seem to be vast nowadays. When I was at school you had an aertex polo shirt and shorts. If you forgot them you did PE in your navy blue knickers and school shirt. It seemed to make the point well as I don't remember anyone doing it twice.

stomachameleon · 09/12/2023 16:45

@OolSarahloO not rocket science. She didn't bring her kit. She needs to bring her kit.

Root cause implies another issue?

My friend issued a detention Friday. She was covering a lesson for someone else. After repeated periods of loud behaviour she asked them for five minutes quiet (she is a very well liked teacher)

Child kept talking.(year 10)
She gave him three warnings and asked if he would like a couple of minutes to reflect outside. He refused and carried on talking.

She gave him a detention.

He was removed (that's the school rule and spoken to and he wrote her an email of apology) detention still stands.

Problem solved. He is unlikely to do it again as she sees her punishments through after giving ample warnings.

Hopefully OP'a daughter will bring kit now.

MammaTo · 09/12/2023 16:46

No wonder teachers are leaving the profession in droves.

manipulatrice · 09/12/2023 16:48

@Iwasafool I think it's pretty simple. No PE kit = detention?

stomachameleon · 09/12/2023 16:48

@Rachna83 I am still puzzled about what you consider 'harsh' about getting a detention foe twice forgetting kit? I could understand if it was something more unusual but surely that's quite straightforward?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/12/2023 16:54

I’m an elderly millennial and I can’t imagine my parents getting this involved in me getting a detention.

What are you hoping to gain from it? An admission that the policy doesn’t list every single thing that could earn a detention and therefore that she was unlawfully detained?

I don’t get it. I really don’t. If I got a detention then my parents asked what it was for and told me off. Nobody started cross-examining the school.

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 16:56

Arriving at school with appropriate equipment for the day is a pretty basic expectation. Unless the school is aware of a mitigating factor for not being able to then punishment for repeat offences is right. It sets out a standard of expected behaviour

ManchesterLu · 09/12/2023 16:57

She's lucky they gave her a chance when she forgot it the first time. There's no excuse.

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 16:58

What makes detention - and punishment more generally - effective in the short term is that it is fear-based. Kids do/don't do whatever it is for fear of getting detention (or another punishment). When kids fear the wrath of adults they're more likely to hide their mistakes. Not sure how all that helps kids develop qualities or life skills that will give them the intrinsic motivation to behave appropriately in the long term.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 09/12/2023 16:58

It's a fair reason for detention but I surprised schools still do after school detentions- not allowed at ours. Detentions are at lunchtime.

Sirzy · 09/12/2023 16:59

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 16:58

What makes detention - and punishment more generally - effective in the short term is that it is fear-based. Kids do/don't do whatever it is for fear of getting detention (or another punishment). When kids fear the wrath of adults they're more likely to hide their mistakes. Not sure how all that helps kids develop qualities or life skills that will give them the intrinsic motivation to behave appropriately in the long term.

Edited

So what’s your alternative?

Original poster
Rachna83 · 09/12/2023 17:04

OolSarahloO · 09/12/2023 16:34

It is not unreasonable to expect a clear policy that is communicated at the start of term and easy to access at any time. I'm not sure why schools still use detention anyway as it doesn't address the root cause of whatever issue it is.

Edited

Communication is definitely poor. The school had a lot of behaviour issues last year I'm talking physical fights in the corridors so have really clamped down. Now detention is for anything from wearing hoop earrings, long nails to swearing (definitely more serious in my eyes and what in my younger days you actually got detention for).

OP posts:
CoParents · 09/12/2023 17:08

UsingChangeofName · 08/12/2023 23:20

Surely your response to this is to work with your dc to understand there is an expectation to have their PE kit with them to do PE in. She has failed to do so, not once, but twice.
I couldn't give a monkey where it was written down. It is more than reasonable (as others have said, once would trigger detention in some schools), so my response, as a parent, would be to remind my dc of their responsibilities, and help them set up systems, if they are organisationally challenged,

In my mind, the teaching staff should be able to make a professional judgement of when they need to issue a detention, without having to go away and check if each individual incident has been written into a policy first.
There's no way I would be wasting the school's time with asking to see where it is written into a policy.
What are you hoping to gain from that ? Confused

What are you hoping to gain from that ?

whether there is in fact a policy and, if so, precisely what I says, obviously. Nothing wrong with expecting teachers to be accountable for their choices and behaviour, as they expect students to be.