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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he a tight arse??

25 replies

IsItMeOrIsHeTheProblem · 07/12/2023 22:00

Long time user but NC
So, DP and I live together with our dd8 and my DD's from a previous aged 16 and 19.
We don't have a joint account we never have done he just sends me half of the bills every month. My issue is I think he's tight.
For example
Ive bought all of our DD's Xmas presents apart from a bike that DP bought. Usually we split the cost of Xmas we normally agree a budget and contribute half each. This year hes bought DD's bike, it's her birthday in a week and I've financed that too.
DD19 was out tonight and asked him if he could transfer her £2 to get home as she'd overspent but would transfer back tomorrow, he said yes but I want it back in a pissed off tone.
He earns more than I do yet we're paying equal for bills and looks like I'm footing the bill for Xmas, any conversation and he just says he's skint.
I'm skint too! I feel like he's only here cos he wouldn't get his own place for what he contributes to bills.
Sex life is pretty much non existent we had a talk about it not long ago where I said we need to make time for each other he agreed, effort on my part none on his.
Am I flogging a dead horse

OP posts:
SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 07/12/2023 22:03

Sounds like it.

does he make you happy at all?

Shoxfordian · 07/12/2023 22:04

Sounds like you don't even really like him
What's the point?

Quitelikeit · 07/12/2023 22:06

At least if he was gone you’d get maintenance and possibly could claim universal credit and maybe council tax discount

I’d be so annoyed at him huffing over £2!

How is the food bill split?

catsanddogsandrabbits · 07/12/2023 22:08

But is he paying for your almost adult DDs?

justalittlesnoel · 07/12/2023 22:09

I mean half on bills seems fair when you've got two extra DC.

Confused - has he bought a bike and you've got to pay for the other stuff? In £ value, is the bike vs the stuff you've bought not equal?

A 19 year old really asking for £2 to be transferred if they've overspent is a bit silly, especially if they can then someone send it back - making her repay it is teaching responsibility for budgeting properly surely?

Original poster
IsItMeOrIsHeTheProblem · 07/12/2023 22:15

He normally pays half of what we spend on dd, I pay for older DD's. For context he paid just over £100 for our DD's bike whereas I spent nearly £200 on the rest of her presents including her birthday. Older DD's want money for Xmas but I've got them a couple of bits to unwrap too,

OP posts:
Original poster
IsItMeOrIsHeTheProblem · 07/12/2023 22:19

Excluding her birthday that should say

OP posts:
Testina · 07/12/2023 22:20

Why couldn’t you transfer her £2?
And why can’t a 19yo budget well enough not to have to ask for £2?
You’d get a sniffy, “I want it back” from me too, out of irritation at that.

How did that split of bills come about?

Merryoldgoat · 07/12/2023 22:20

I cannot even conceive of being with someone who would begrudge anyone £2, let alone his stepdaughter.

Testina · 07/12/2023 22:20

Did you agree a budget for your joint daughter?

Original poster
IsItMeOrIsHeTheProblem · 07/12/2023 22:21

Testina · 07/12/2023 22:20

Why couldn’t you transfer her £2?
And why can’t a 19yo budget well enough not to have to ask for £2?
You’d get a sniffy, “I want it back” from me too, out of irritation at that.

How did that split of bills come about?

She rang me but my phone was in another room on charge so I didn't hear it, obviously I would have transferred her it

OP posts:
Testina · 07/12/2023 22:22

Is she usually so bad with money?

Alohapotato · 07/12/2023 22:24

Testina · 07/12/2023 22:22

Is she usually so bad with money?

"So bad"? it was just £2 ...

Scruffington · 07/12/2023 22:24

Testina · 07/12/2023 22:22

Is she usually so bad with money?

Confused
Original poster
IsItMeOrIsHeTheProblem · 07/12/2023 22:25

Testina · 07/12/2023 22:20

Did you agree a budget for your joint daughter?

No we normally have a set budget depending on what she's asked for but this year we didn't state an amount. We talked about what she'd asked for for Xmas and he said yeah let's get her what she asked for, it's normally split between us both

OP posts:
Original poster
IsItMeOrIsHeTheProblem · 07/12/2023 22:27

Testina · 07/12/2023 22:22

Is she usually so bad with money?

No she's not but it was £2 that she can transfer back tomorrow, before you ask, yes she works

OP posts:
ionlywantto · 07/12/2023 22:30

Testina · 07/12/2023 22:22

Is she usually so bad with money?

🤣🤣🤣

Finestreason · 07/12/2023 22:30

It sounds like there are more than persnickety money problems in the relationship. As pp asked, do you like him?

Quitelikeit · 07/12/2023 22:31

Does he contribute to food?

Vinrouge4 · 07/12/2023 22:31

Testina · 07/12/2023 22:22

Is she usually so bad with money?

It’s two quid ffs

Original poster
IsItMeOrIsHeTheProblem · 07/12/2023 22:31

Quitelikeit · 07/12/2023 22:31

Does he contribute to food?

Yes he does

OP posts:
Original poster
IsItMeOrIsHeTheProblem · 07/12/2023 22:32

Finestreason · 07/12/2023 22:30

It sounds like there are more than persnickety money problems in the relationship. As pp asked, do you like him?

Most of the time I do but then moments like tonight make me think ffs just fuck off

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 07/12/2023 22:34

Merryoldgoat · 07/12/2023 22:20

I cannot even conceive of being with someone who would begrudge anyone £2, let alone his stepdaughter.

I agree. And why is everyone banging on about the OPS daughters money habits when that's really not the issue? Miserly fucker over £2 he'd get bk next day🙄

misssunshine4040 · 07/12/2023 22:37

Are people really banging on about a 19 year wanting £2 to stop going overdrawn for 1 day?? How tragic huffing about £2.

Scruffington · 07/12/2023 22:38

misssunshine4040 · 07/12/2023 22:37

Are people really banging on about a 19 year wanting £2 to stop going overdrawn for 1 day?? How tragic huffing about £2.

just one person

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