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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I accidentally stole an entire big shop

624 replies

Rayoffingsunshine · 07/12/2023 20:17

I spent about £95 on a big shop 3 weeks ago. I went through the scan and go. I had my two boys with me (2 and 3 months) and I paid using contactless. I didn't grab the receipt which I didn't notice until I got home and was annoyed because the supermarket had an offer for money off voucher if you spend so much that I had intended to grab but only realised I didn't have it when I got home.
I budget everything and wrote the shop on my budget app straight away so I noticed the discrepancy on my account within a few days. I thought it was just taking a little longer than normal to process but 3 weeks later there's still no record of it. I've checked every account I have including my husband's just in case I had his card though I'm certain it was just my day to day debit card. The only thing I can think is that the payment didn't process and I just didn't notice and walked straight out. But surely someone would have stopped me! I remember a friend telling me once, with a tiny shop, just a quick lunch on the go kind of shop, this happened to her once and she was stopped in the car park by security. I don't understand how this has happened. I wouldn't have been quick to leave because my 2 year old moves at a snails pace.

If I go and talk to customer service in the shop will they believe that is was a genuine mistake and just let me pay for it or will I get in trouble?

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 07/12/2023 22:17

They haven't even noticed @Rayoffingsunshine . If you went back you'd be more honest than me. It might even be hard for them to know how to process any payment you offer them because they have no record of your purchase.

It might even be that this payment has worked and will show on your bank eventually.

Comedycook · 07/12/2023 22:17

ThePoshUns · 07/12/2023 22:15

And we do investigate shoplifting. And it isn't always resolved in less than 3 weeks.

But the op made a mistake. She didn't intentionally shop lift

busstopbingo · 07/12/2023 22:17

@Duh would there be a difference legally in intentionally going out with the plan to commit a crime (shoplifting) vs essentially covering it up if part of the reason you didn't want to admit to the accidental crime was facing repercussions (banned from store, further litigation etc) for something that was completely accidental?

Not saying those would happen in this case, just an example

It's a genuine query as I see the two as morally different and would have assumed there was a legal difference too

betterangels · 07/12/2023 22:17

YoongiMarryMe · 07/12/2023 20:44

I'd call and explain. They’ll probably just write it off. But I couldn’t shop there ever again if I didn’t try to pay.

I'd do this.

Comedycook · 07/12/2023 22:18

And it is constantly on the news that shop lifting is going unpunished

Goatymum · 07/12/2023 22:18

I’d prob call customer service and ask what to do.

BlazingJune · 07/12/2023 22:18

@FatFatMary There are some things that are not subjective.

Taking something in a shop and not paying for it is theft.

You can try to argue it every way you want.

The law classes it as theft.

porridgeisbae · 07/12/2023 22:19

@Rayoffingsunshine I wouldn't do anything yet in case your bank do eventually take it, there's just been a glitch or delay.

Maybe in 6 months if you are some exceptionally moral and/or quite well off person.

BestBadger · 07/12/2023 22:19

C1N1C · 07/12/2023 21:32

I don't see the difference between an accidental theft and an intended theft, and I'm surprised others don't either.

People saying take the win, ignore it, they won't miss it etc, are basically saying theft is OK if you don't get caught. Great role models.

The difference is intention. Theft is the action of "dishonestly appropriating" but the goods here, it could be argued, weren't dishonesty appropriated. For theft to be proved the case of dishonesty has to be proven.

Channellingsophistication · 07/12/2023 22:19

I would just pay it forward too as it’d be difficult to explain and they might not believe that it was a mistake …

Comedycook · 07/12/2023 22:20

Anyway how do we even know if the transaction hasn't just been held up for some reason. I'd wait a while more to see if it goes out anyway

BlazingJune · 07/12/2023 22:20

It's a genuine query as I see the two as morally different and would have assumed there was a legal difference too

There is no difference.

Premeditated theft is the same as accidental theft where the thief realises they have not paid and then avoids doing so.

Neither is right.

Watchkeys · 07/12/2023 22:21

Helenahandkart · 07/12/2023 20:25

I like the idea of paying it forward to the food bank, but I’d be concerned that the tills have cameras on and the shop may have a record of you not paying and walking out. You don’t want to get banned from your regular supermarket.
I’m sure they would be amazed if you went back and tried to pay, and I doubt you would get in trouble.

If they've got cameras, they'd see OP putting her card to the machine etc. If they find her and ask her to pay, she'll pay. What exactly will they ban her for? Their machine not telling her her card didn't work? Their security not being quick enough?

It'd be different if you were a regular shoplifter, @Rayoffingsunshine , but for a one off with a perfectly viable story on film, I'd leave it, and if they approach you, tell them you'll check your records, then pay the bill.

Barbarianmumsy · 07/12/2023 22:22

Sorry didn’t read whole thread but How come the alarm didn’t go off if you walk out with a whole trolley of food?

AllEars112232 · 07/12/2023 22:22

ive done exactly this before. If you did scan and go the non payment will be linked to your loyalty card. I wouldn’t be surprised if this triggers when you next go in.
Personally I’d have to pay for the sake of my conscience, better that than the embarrassment of something happening next time you try to shop.

Ger1atricMillennial · 07/12/2023 22:22

If you are still worried about it 3 weeks later, go and tell the shop.

BlazingJune · 07/12/2023 22:23

The difference is intention.

No it's not .

You can't steal unintentionally when you realise you have stolen something afterwards. You have the choice to return it and/or pay.
Not doing so makes it the same as premeditated theft.

FatFatMary · 07/12/2023 22:23

BlazingJune · 07/12/2023 22:18

@FatFatMary There are some things that are not subjective.

Taking something in a shop and not paying for it is theft.

You can try to argue it every way you want.

The law classes it as theft.

I’m not talking about the law I’m talking about integrity and morality

Watchkeys · 07/12/2023 22:23

Barbarianmumsy · 07/12/2023 22:22

Sorry didn’t read whole thread but How come the alarm didn’t go off if you walk out with a whole trolley of food?

What do you think sets the alarm off? The can of beans? The toilet roll? The lemonade?

FatFatMary · 07/12/2023 22:23

(Also there is no chance OP would be convicted of theft in this case

porridgeisbae · 07/12/2023 22:24

I picked up two vaselines instead of one once by mistake in a chemist and accidentally only paid for the one, I felt well guilty. Before I became a Christian I wouldn't have cared at all, just seen it as a bonus.

It is good to see someone with a conscience. But don't do anything yet just in case the payment eventually goes through. Smile

newaccountoldlurker · 07/12/2023 22:25

I'm curious how all the people saying go back and pay expect the shop to put it through the till? The whole shop would need to be rescanned, would you collect each item to pay, then put it all back, because I can assure you the person running the checkouts will be pissed having to put it all away after. Just pay it forward

BlazingJune · 07/12/2023 22:25

I’m not talking about the law I’m talking about integrity and morality

You're talking nonsense however way you try to explain yourself.

Laws are based on morality. Good v bad, honesty v lies, etc etc.

But you've clearly missed those life lessons.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 07/12/2023 22:26

I think I'd go back and explain but it would probably be difficult for them to trace the transaction anyway
At least you wouldn't be looking over your shoulder next time you went in

ilovemyspace · 07/12/2023 22:26

Why wouldn't you just go and tell them what happened?! Be honest and treat people how you'd like to be treated yourself (and none of this nonsense about 'how big stores can afford it'..... )
You obviously feel guilty about getting the shop for free, so just follow your conscience?