What’s it like having a mum you want to hang out with?

[bluecalendula]

I’m interested to hear from people that look forward to seeing, and enjoy spending time with their Mothers?

I have a tricky relationship with mine. I tell her stuff on a ‘need to know’ basis, never ask for advice, find her company challenging.

I have two little daughters, and worry about our relationship when they grow up. Most of my friends seem to find their mothers difficult. Is it just my generation (I’m 40)?

I would love for nothing more than to mutually enjoy my daughter’s company when they’re adults. Is this a pipe dream.. :(

I am 51. I admire my mum more than anyone I know. She is most definitely my place of comfort and warmth. She is not perfect- we disagree on many things- but she adores me unconditionally, which no one else does!

DM is 81, we have a lovely relationship, go out for meals, go shopping, she is quite immobile but won’t use a chair so it’s getting more difficult but we manage.

We speak every day, she’s a calming influence, strong willed, determined. Looks after DD who loves going to nanny’s house, DM will play board games for hours, play dolls for hours so much patience. She has a slide, swings, in her garden for DD but can only really watch her. DD is old enough to swing by herself etc.
My dad passed about 15 years ago and he was the same as DM.
I’ve very lucky to have a lovely childhood, I read the posts on here and I’m saddened by them. I hope DD feels the way I do about my mum when she’s older.

I’m not sure - I loved my Mum but she never really prioritised me or was there for me - in between we still enjoyed days out or a shopping trip as we liked similar things
I am now nearly 60 with DC in their 30s and we are very close
Just returned from a holiday in canaries with DD we laughed, swam, sunbathed, ate and drank far too much, people watched and put the world to rights - we’ve both decided we need to do it again sooner and for longer!
Going Xmas shopping with DS this weekend then out for dinner which I’m really looking forward to
Im not sure why it works other than we are all very similar personalities, I brought them up mostly as a lone parent and we still live within 30 minutes drive of each other

tiv2020 thank you, it’s so hard to feel the guilt on top of everything. I grew up thinking I was a bad person for not connecting with my parents and not ‘loving’ them enough. As an adult I realised I grew up in a dysfunctional family with an abusive narc dad and a submissive mum who didn’t protect her children, and who actually saw herself as the only victim and got a kick out of suffering as a virtue. When I visit now dynamics are the same and it’s all about them.

My mum is my best friend. I see her pretty much every day, speak to her several times a day if not. Her mum (my grandma) was the same, I was incredibly close to her before she passed.

I've just returned from a long weekend in London with my oldest daughter. We are very close.

My relationship with my mum as a youngster was hard, it's better now. I was determined to have a different relationship with my kids

I envy people who get to hang out with their Mums. Mine was wonderful and we were both enjoying the new phase of our relationship where I had become a Mum, she had become a Grandma. And then she died too young and I feel like I missed out on another potential 15 years or so of our adult friendship. Those of you lucky enough to have lovely Mums- enjoy your time together 💐

My mother died when I was little, and my step mother was abusive. My own early 20s adult daughter happily spends time with me, she doesn’t live at home anymore, we went on a long weekend together a few weeks ago, she comes to shows, gigs and on holiday with us. She has a wide social circle and a very active social life.

I make a point of giving advice gently when asked, anlways listen, never judge, never over stepping, respecting her as an adult, and enjoying her company.

I’m very proud of the young woman she is, and love her deeply, I’m open and honest with her, but I maintain boundaries in terms of respecting her. And I do so with thought and very carefully as I think it is really important as her female partners mother, and some of her friends mothers, as well as some of her colleagues who are mothers, can be quite judgey to their adult daughters, and quite demanding, as well as offering advice that is neither wanted or needed, and is often poor advice, and it is damaging to their relationships..

I relate to this so much! I also pretend I'm perfect as it's almost like making her worry will upset her so its best not to.

I want my kids to always feel like I'm their safe space (and their dad!) And they can come to me for absolutely everything.

I think our mothers are made from the same mould.

I am trying to be different with my daughter. Her life is allowed to be messy and complicated - as life is. I don’t want her to pretend on my account. I want to be there for her not a fictionalised, sanitised version. She is young, but I have told her there is nothing she cannot tell me ever. I will never turn her away.

I’m 30.

See my mum nearly every day! Speak every day.

She’s my best friend - never judges, always listens and gives the best advice. Wouldn’t be without her. She’s done so much for me and I respect, value and cherish her more than I could say! She was equally close to her mum (my grandmother).

Growing up I got a few snide comments about how close we were, but I’m so glad I didn’t let it affect me.

I love spending time with my mum. She’s great company, easy going, doesn’t make demands & we can talk for Britain, sometimes about absolute nonsense.
We are just as comfortable in silence too. Mum used to stop at mine for a few days at a time (when we lived further away) and I always liked how comfortable we were just sat in the living room, mum reading her kindle, me watching a film.

Shes not always great at communicating - she’s quite old school & waits for an ‘invitation’ to come over, even though I’ve told her hundreds of times, she can come round whenever she wants. My dad is good at picking up the phone but mum will often wait for the other person to get in touch which has been a source of frustration for other siblings over the years. My mum thinks she’s treading on people’s toes, so she takes a step back until ‘someone needs me’ she’s always said that.

I love her to bits, she’s optimistic, reassuring , loves to laugh, loves a cuddle and is very affectionate, plus she’s a great nana to our kids💖

Another one with a mum who had a broken relationship with HER mum, and is a wonderful mother to me, and an amazing grandmother to my children.

Throughout life she's shown up again and again for me in life's toughest moments. 🥰 she's always on my team! We enjoy going to the gym together (shes 60 next year!), shopping, dinner and wine!

I'm so sorry about your relationship with your mum. You can still have the most lovely relationship with your children ❤️

I love my mum so much and I know she is always there for me and she is so involved and great with my kids. However we don't "hang out", we just don't get on that well! We don't argue we just well..don't really have that friend-like relationship.

I feel like she struggled with me becoming a teenager and was very awkward about any of the usual teenage issues that come up, and from then on the distance just grew I guess. But there's no animosity.

There's no replacement for family. I go over to my mom's about 3x a week. Sometimes we don't even speak. She sits in the living room watching TV and I'm at the dining table on my phone. But I just like being in the same space as her.

Mother and I have a complicated relationship. When on good form, she’s great, we enjoy lunches and days out, have similar taste in films/books/theatre. We happily chat on the phone. But she can be very ‘poor me’, which I find wearing, esp as she really has nothing to complain about. She is 75, in very good health, and has a good pension which means she’s not cash strapped. I’m afraid I have zero patience with the pity parties.

My DD is 17, we are very close, and I hope always will be. She’s about to fly the nest for university, but I hope will welcome lots of visits and weekends away.

Sadly my mum died when I was in my late 20s but we had a good relationship and would go for lunch/a walk or I’d go round to hers/vice versa. Ofc she’d annoy me a bit cos she was my mum. I actually wish I’d spent more quality time with her as an adult. We had quite a big age gap and I did feel it sometimes. If she hadn’t passed away I think our relationship would’ve been even better - she would’ve loved having grandchildren.
in turn I have my own dd (young adult now) and we also have a good relationship and enjoy spending time together. When she’s home from uni she’s affectionate and we chill together. I think we have a better relationship than I did with my mum as we’re closer in age and she’s def more open with me than I was with mine, cos she could be a bit judgy as was from a different era.

This post really hit the nail on the head for why I love my DM dearly but get stressed in her company so quickly 😅

She is always fussing around when I’m with her, can’t seem to just sit down and relax. I find it very overbearing and, in turn, makes me feel on edge too!

As a person we got on really well, text all the time and share a lot of interests. If we ignore her right-wing tendencies!

I'm close with my mum I see her often and FaceTime every day. She often comes out with me and my sister for meals/cocktails with out group of friends/family she's the best and in her early 60s. She's a great mum and the best support, I'd be lost without her and dread her birthdays coming round because I don't want her to get older 😢

I have kids in their early 20s and they all hang out with me wether it's going out for drinks or watching tv. One of my daughters lives almost 3hrs away and she cant wait to come for Xmas with her dh and baby.

My mum was unwell for several years during my teens and early 20s, and it definitely affected our relationship. I had to look after her quite a lot and she still, 30 years later, expects me to be ‘strong’ and ‘adaptable’ when anything is difficult for her. Once I had my own children I couldn’t be quite as available to her and I think she felt a bit abandoned.

But she’s good fun, and good company, and very kind. And my young adult children adore her. Although I sometimes feel there’s something missing at an emotional level in the relationship.

Name changed as there is a lot of personal detail. You feel lucky. My mum is a fun person. She's generous and thoughtful. The last few times I've seen her she's paid for my lunch and bought my children fair ride tickets. I went to a concert with her and we had way too much wine but it was fun and we laughed a lot.

She's been through a lot, she's very tough. If you go to her house she is very homely and will make sure you have whatever you want to drink or eat. She's funny and kind. God forbid anything would happen but if she wasn't here I feel like I would not have someone to laugh at the same jokes with. Sometimes I look at her and think I need to savour this.

We aren't in each others pockets and I think I'm probably hard work but I know I can always call her and she will be happy I've called. She had me young, I don't know if that's anything to do with it? We love the same music and have similar tastes and appreciation of things. She's the only person I've ugly laughed with. Not everyone will understand what that is. Some of you will.

I don't think anyone knows me as well as she does.

I’m really close with my mum (I’m late 30s and she’s mid 60s) and pretty much always have been. Her relationship with her mum wasn’t great and she often felt ignored and I think unloved as a child. So her parenting style was really hands on and inclusive. We actually discussed her relationship with her mum when I was a teenager and it helped me understand where she was coming from with some of her actions. I was also old enough to understand that her relationship with her mum and my relationship with my nan were completely different.

She made sure that we spent time together every day just chatting and I think that stood us in good stead when I hit the rocky late teen years. I would always stay in the kitchen with her helping to make dinner and she used to watch my crap teen tv with me and really get into it (she quoted Keenan and Kel so much it was almost embarrassing!). We had a really solid foundation of her being there 100%.

I really appreciate how she gave me room to grow, looking back it must have been really difficult at some moments but she just gave me encouragement. In my young adult years, and even now to an extent, she offered me a safety net if ever needed.

As I got older I still trust her opinion and know she has my best interests at heart. We talk on the phone everyday and meet up once a week for coffee or shopping. I hope I give her back even half of the feeling of support and well-being that she gives me.

I absolutely believe that you can have a great grown up relationship with your girls.

Honestly, I think my relationship with my wonderful Mum is what drove my strong desire for a daughter. I know it's not guaranteed but the thought of that close, special relationship disappearing when my mum dies is horrible. She's truly amazing and I love her dearly. I have been blessed with both daughters and sons and hope to have similar relationships to them all when they're adults.

I’d love for my mum to want to spend time with me or even want to have a conversation with me sadly when we sue used to speak it was all about her informing me of things and arranging what she wanted

My mum was a total powerhouse, hilarious, selfless, fun, loyal. I lost her nearly 4 years ago at 27 when I was 35 weeks pregnant with my first child. I will never not be heartbroken I lost her too early and she didn't get to enjoy retirement and she never met my children, tears are streaming as I type this it is still so raw and I will never not miss her this much.
I will move heaven and earth to ensure me and my girls have the same relationship and they know I'll always be there for them and have their backs.