If there's just a few of you for Xmas how do you make it special?

[DungareesAndTrombones]

Due to loads of horrible stuff going on this year it looks like it will be me, DH and DS13 on our own for Christmas. Anyone else in the same situation what do you do to make it lovely and special? We've always had really big Christmas days in the past and I'm feeling really sad about it, but thinking I need to make an effort or I will spend the whole day crying.

Why do you need to make it special. Its Just Christmas day it will come and go.

Aren't your primary family enough. We've spent many, many years just us due to us living in another country from family and I've never felt less than or lacking anything? It really is the best feeling waking up in your own home, doing all your own traditions in your own way and time and having a relaxed day.

@girlfriend44 aren't you being awfully helpful

When it's just my small family we had a gingerbread house decorating contest. We played board games and family video games. Watched Christmas movies. We had such a lovely, relaxed day that was so much fun

It's just me and DP for Christmas. We cook a Christmas lunch that we actually enjoy (roast chicken and the trimmings), go for a morning walk if the weather isn't foul, get some good cheese and sweet treats that we enjoy and that's it really.

Try to focus on stuff that the three of you actually enjoy, and ditch any clichéd Christmas stuff that you have no interest in. Don't put yourself under a load of pressure to make it a 'magical' day or whatever, keep expectations realistic. There's no reason you can't have a nice time even if you don't have a house full of people. Personally I can't think of anything worse!

I think you just need to make sure you have a plan so you aren't sat thinking about the things that will make you cry. Do what you all want to do and decide together. Plan what you would like to eat, maybe you all have a favourite meal that's too much faff to have on a normal day? Me and my mum once had fajitas, which we often had, but we had all sorts of extras we didn't normally get and it was great!

Make some special Christmassy foods (or non Christmassy if you want to ignore it) together, go for a nice walk, if your DH & son are into it you could take a football and have a kick about. Just make sure it's all nice stuff to do together.

That's not really very helpful, now is it? The OP feels, rightly, that she will feel better for making an effort.

OP, I think you should do whatever makes the day best and most enjoyable for the three of you. If it would make you feel glum to cook for just three of you, how about booking a really lovely meal at a hotel or restaurant? I love cooking, but not everyone does so if you don't, that would take a lot of the stress away. Another option might be to go away somewhere, although I realise that it's quite short notice. It sounds boring, but I love love love watching films on Christmas: my whole Christmas season is basically a film -a-thon with a few meals slotted in. I can give recommendations if that is something that you would be interested in. Depending on where you live, a really long brisk walk before lunch or dinner can be great, I always get a walk in on Christmas day and it wouldn't be the same without one. Cocktails are always good, as well. Get yourself glammed up, make sure the house is looking nice, and enjoy the day!!

Do you get on with DH and DS? If you're generally a happy family, Christmas is like any other day but with presents, good food, nostalgic telly, and maybe a walk if the weather is lovely and crisp. Why would you cry about it?

Don't waste the day crying about the people that aren't there.

That's all very well. I'm like you, I don't like the idea of a big Christmas with a gazillion people, and my small family Christmas with just a few people to keep happy is my idea of a good one. That's us, though. Clearly, the OP is different and needs some suggestions for what to do to keep her spirits up.

Lots of treats, favourite foods, and do not compare it to past christmases. Make it how you want it to be.

We have Xmas day just the four of us by choice. I absolutely love it.

We do stockings and have a big breakfast.
Then under the tree presents.

Kids play with presents whilst I cook.

Take the dog for a walk whilst the meat is in the oven. Play card games and have silly balloon games between courses so everyone stays at the table longer without the pressure of conversation. Everyone takes it in turns to choose a song they like on Spotify - you get one veto.

Make sure we have crackers and proper table decorations and that we all get dressed up for each other.

After dinner slump under a blanket to watch some Xmas shows on the telly with snacks for those who can eat it. Partner and I potter about tidying up once kids are settled.

Then we have some disco lights so have a kitchen disco with a festive playlist and all dance.

Supper of bacon barms or similar.

Board games if kids are not too exhausted then bed.

The good bit is you don't need to run to a set timetable. The first time we were in our own (family of 4) dcs were around 5 and 7. They had Christmas dinner in their PJs which they though was great. Afterwards we were lucky enough to have had snow so had a walk in the snow and they made snow angels. It was very different to a busy Christmas where because people were travelling the meal had to be ready at a certain time and everyone got dressed up. It was just really relaxed. Now dc are older we tend to always have Christmas on our own. We have a leisurely breakfast with champagne. The meal is eaten when it is ready and we all help with prep. We play the 'bad santa' game before pudding. It's just fun and relaxed.

Lunch out Christmas Eve. Movie and treats in the evening.

The three of you buy surprise presents for one another and open during Christmas morning. A ‘nice’ breakfast - pancakes, freshly made scones, smoked salmon - whatever you’d like. A late lunch - table nicely set, dress as if going out for dinner. Board games. A walk.

Or if it’s not too late now, book somewhere really nice for Christmas lunch/dinner. Or book a two night stay somewhere. Plan something for Boxing Day too.

We start our Christmas at the beginning of December and treat ourselves to nice food and drink and watching films throughout the whole month. Add in writing cards and wrapping presents, communicating with people we've not seen all year by whatsapp, etc. I find it takes the pressure off the actual day itself as you have a gentle warm-up beforehand. So far this month we've started on mulled wine, Kirsberry and stollen but there's lots of goodies to go. Without sounding preachy and prissy we also try and focus on our blessings and what we have, rather than what we haven't. Likewise who we can get to see rather than those we can't.

We've had some difficult stuff this year which is ongoing for now, but a lovely event to look forward to in the spring. I would try to stay calm and lower your expectations, but appreciate you'll be celebrating Christmas with your husband and dear son. Hope you manage to find peace and tranquillity to enjoy your day.

Agree with @Chipsahoyagain Of course it's lovely to be with extended family, but that's not always possible. For the same reasons, DH and DD and I have spent many Christmases together, and it's fine. Get up when you want. Open presents. Have something nice for breakfast. Put on lunch. Shower etc. Christmas lunch. Family movie in the afternoon. Mince pies and hot chocolate. Leftovers for dinner.

It's brilliant because it's a chill day in which everything gets done on your time lines, not everyone else's.

@DungareesAndTrombones I think your sadness is tied up in the horrible things that have happened this year, not necessarily Christmas. That's understandable, but don't give up on your nuclear family's ability to have a wonderful Christmas together. I wish you all the best.

Lucky you! I cant wait to have a smaller, more intimate Christmas but unfortunately I choose to go to my mums as its just me and DS when it is his year with me, or if its his Dad's year, I'm on my own.

Typically my day starts in my own house. DS opens presents and we get breakfast (usually bacon sandwiches) then we get ready to take my extended family to see my mum (I'm designated driver every year).
We spend time at my mums (around 2 hours) then I take sister and niece back home. I usually then take DS to the park and walk the dog before going back to mums for dinner.
Dinner with family, chatter in between.
After dinner, DS opens his presents from grandparents and after this, he goes to spend the night at his dads, so I will drop him off.
I usually then spend Christmas evening, just me and the dog watching films and getting drunk off the xmas wine 😂

Once me and my partner move in, we have agreed we will probably stay at home all day, bar going for a walk with the dog.

It's just the 3 of us for Christmas this year too. I believe my parents will be making a flying visit, but they're visiting DBro also and then having their own Christmas so it really will be fleeting.

I've grown to like a smaller Christmas.

You can get up when you want to, stay in your PJs and do whatever you want! Could you get a board game or something for the 3 of you to play? Maybe have a shuffle around with timings of things like present opening, dinner etc so that there's not too much dead time during the day.

A nice walk is always good on Christmas Day too - clears the cobwebs away.

Oh big off

Bog

Some really lovely suggestions thank you all so much!! And for the lovely Christmas wishes ❣️

People saying ‘we often do that, what’s the problem’ - the OP doesn’t usually do that and is apprehensive about the change.

I echo what others have said OP - have a think about what would make the day really enjoyable and special for you, DH and DS.

Oh that’s a shame you feel like that, we have a small one and I love it.

i wake my family up with lovely Christmas songs on loud, then we all get some champagne to open the pressies with, then I make a lovely breakfast mid morning, smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, pate, croissants, Cinnamon buns, Buck’s Fizz, then we all get ready for the day. When ready we prep the veggies and get stuff ready for dinner, all together, with nice music,

we then sit down when done and havce canopies about 1 pm, all though this year I’m doing melted Bries with cranberry/garlic and crudities and garlic bread, with some more bubbles, we play a game, scrabble etc, then about 5pm its Xmas dinner with wine , then a movie, then dessert, in the living room, watching something else. Maybe a mince pie before bed.

its lovely, we sometimes have big xmas’s but I thoroughly enjoy just the three of us.

Did you miss the part where the OP said that her smaller Christmas this year is 'due to loads of horrible stuff going on this year'? Have a bit of compassion. It doesn't take a genius to guess at some reasons why it might feel difficult or sad to not have someone there at Christmas. If your Christmas is different from usual because of happy/neutral things like, eg, your parents being on a Caribbean cruise holiday of a lifetime or your sister having a baby on Christmas Eve, that's not going to make anyone sad, But if it's different from usual as a consequence of rotten stuff happening, that's a completely different matter and it's totally understandable to feel apprehensive or a bit tearful about it.

A few years ago, my own generally happy family had an odd Christmas 'due to loads of horrible stuff going on' and yes, of course we made the best of it and in the end, most of it was nice. But some of it was really fucking difficult because of the circumstances that led up to it. And no, it wouldn't have been solved by going for a nice crisp walk.

If anyone had been as carelessly dismissive about my concerns that year as you were towards the OP in your post, I'd probably have had to fight the urge to throw a punch at them.

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Usually just the three of us for Christmas. We do smoked salmon (very good smoked salmon) and scrambled egg for breakfast. Lunch with all of the trimmings and we do a long walk as well as having a cheese board and lots of cake/snacks. We message various people around the world (lots of family abroad) and we generally have a nice relaxed day. Does for us I think.

if you can afford it I’d buy some special treats that are affordable for the 3 of you that might have been a stretch for more, such as

Really good chocolates
excellent cheese
luxury crackers

Have a special breakfast
each of you choose a special component of the main meal
Cook the Christmas dinner together.

Have a bit of a plan for the day
Buy a new board game and or jigsaw

Get DS to do a Christmas soundtrack.

I am in a similar position this year on NYE (just me, DH and DS(12) as his older sisters have plans (and rightly so)