If there's just a few of you for Xmas how do you make it special?

[DungareesAndTrombones]

Due to loads of horrible stuff going on this year it looks like it will be me, DH and DS13 on our own for Christmas. Anyone else in the same situation what do you do to make it lovely and special? We've always had really big Christmas days in the past and I'm feeling really sad about it, but thinking I need to make an effort or I will spend the whole day crying.

We usually just have me, dh and ds. This means we can do exactly as we like, and ds tells other people about either a) the year we had a meal which was just puddings or b) the several years we have had all day party food.
We have trifle for breakfast, we might go for a cycle or a walk if we feel moved - or we might just wear pyjamas.
Its still a lovely Christmas

When DD was a teen we would spend our “just us Christmas” getting dressed up and go out for dinner on Christmas Eve, it’s was always such a lovely atmosphere and so much cheaper than going out on Christmas Day. Then for the big day we would have a lazy morning, big breakfast, open presents, get dressed and spend the day watching films, playing games and have a buffet. It was lovely and relaxing with just the three of us. Now we have our 4 year old DS and DD is 21, it’s much more chaotic but wouldn’t have it any other way. We alternate seeing my in laws/big Christmas gatherings, and quiet family ones. This year it’s just the four of us, and I cannot wait.

This is us most years. Its lovely. We get up when we're ready. Spend the morning opening presents and eating nice things in our pjs with Christmas telly on. Cook the big dinner when we're ready to. Walk the dog. Play with the new toys. Enjoy the lights. Eat a lot of chocolate. Basically just enjoy being just us, all together. On a day with no expectations or anything to get done.

We have the extended family thing on Christmas Eve and sometimes Boxing Day. But also, its rare we are just the three of us with nothing to do.

Sorry to hear that this year is going to be difficult for you OP, so big hug to you.

It's just me and DH and 3 DC on Xmas day, so not at all like the Christmas Days I grew up with (all the extended family grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins), and sometimes it does make me a bit sad.

What we do is, get up in the morning - the DC open their presents and we put Christmas music on really loud. DH and I can't really afford presents for each other so its just the 3 DC. Then I make a special breakfast like waffles or pancakes and I always have a Bucks Fizz. I get dressed up and put make up on. Then I go in the kitchen and leisurely make the Christmas dinner. The turkey will have been brining for 3 days before. I always have Christmas music on. I try to appreciate the not racing around on Christmas Day to see everyone, we used to have to travel to 4 different houses on Christmas Day, and it was exhausting.

I'll have a glass or 2 of wine or prosecco whilst I make dinner, we have dinner and then we sit at the table for a while and play games or just talk. Movies later on in the day, sometimes a walk out. DC will play with their toys or videogames. Some more nibbles and wine. I just try and appreciate my little family, grateful that we are all happy and healthy and as corny as it sounds the reason for the season and I will say a little prayer. No stress or family arguments. We just try to really relax and be present in the moment.

I truly hope you and your family have a blessed Christmas.

We’re going to have a quiet Christmas too - can’t travel to see family like we usually do because of school holiday dates, and the first Christmas without MIL who died in February. Plus the DC are teens so probably won’t even get out of bed until the afternoon 🤣 and I don’t drink so can’t even booze my way through the day!

so I get the feeling of still wanting to make it special in a more low-key way. Our plans:

• lazy breakfast whatever time we get up - listen to the radio / watch Christmas TV
• open presents when the DC emerge - whatever time that is. They’ve already had their big presents so this will just be stockings and a couple of bits.
• get outside for a walk in the afternoon to see the local Christmas lights
• Christmas dinner probably early evening- again we don’t need to stick to a timetable
• watch Doctor Who
• a board game or two in the evening with DC if they fancy it, or just me and DH
• eat chocolate (me) / drink beer (DH)

Boxing Day we’ll leave the kids in bed and go for a long walk in the countryside, weather permitting

Twixmas we’ll go for walks, go for a swim, have lie ins etc.

basically trying to embrace the low-keyness and enjoy not having any of the drama that other MNers with big families will be posting about!!

i wish you a lovely and peaceful Christmas, OP 🎄

Oh and Christmas Eve we’ll go to a cathedral carol Service. Not religious in the slightest but it really does make you feel warm and festive.

If you're already feeling sad, then the first thing I'd do if I were you is accept that you're sad and it won't be the same whatever you do. This is not negativity, it's managing your own expectations. The less you expect from the day, the less chance of a flat disappointed feeling that could bring down the mood of the others.
Next I'd ask them what they would like to have as part of the day. Bring your own suggestions to the table (there are some lovely ones on here) but incorporate theirs too.
It will be different of course, but you're spending it with the two people who matters the most and that's worth so much in itself.

What do your usual Christmas look like ? What's changed this year ? ( I had one like this last year where I almost ended up completely alone)

Focus on what you DO have, not what you don't. What you CAN do rather than what you can't.
You can still have fun and be happy with just the three of you.
There is less 'magic' with a 13yo than with a 3yo, but that just means things are less manic. Calm and leisurely is how we like it.
I always toast to 'absent friends', sadly there are too many of these.
You will make your new normal.
Things will be different, but still ok.

Christmas day with just 3 of you, especially if it's not by choice and it doesn't involve a young kid, can be very hard. People describing their own little immediate family Christmases are totally missing the point, three people only is very different.
We've done it a lot and just have to accept that Christmas Day itself is not the point, we try very hard to enjoy the rest of Christmas time. We would love a proper Christmas Day but for various reasons we don't get to have one.

I’ve never liked those huge Christmas celebrations with extended family. Much prefer seeing them individually over the break

Xmas Eve is the big celebration day for me.

In the morning we invite our adopted dads over for champagnes brunch of lox and bagels

That night We have great food … nibble style (crab, shrimp, good cheese, nice bread, pickled herring, and oysters are generally the fare) champagne , a goody, after dinner drinks, and coffee. We exchange presents, watch the cats ‘open ‘ their stockings filled with catnip and toys. Listen to good Xmas music. And generally just have a a quiet enjoyable evening. (Honestly I think it would be ruined if anyone else was there!)

Xmas day is a bit of a crapshoot… but generally involves going to the dads to have dinner, but usually a small group and exchange a few presents. Some years I’m by myself if DH is working and the the dads dinner is the next day.

On those years, I plan things for me like a good audiobook, or a knitting project, maybe a movie

Plan for some things that are a bit out of the ordinary and seasonal, play it by ear, ask your son and husband what they think… but most of all take time to celebrate (whatever that looks like)

I'm on my own again this year so I don't bother with decorations. But, I've ordered my lunch to be delivered from a posh restaurant (reheat on the day) and I'll get some nice treats in to eat. I'll chat to my family on the phone at some point and find a box set to binge on.

Have you thought about eating out somewhere on the day op...it's expensive but quite nice to be out somewhere. When we went out on Christmas Day to a restaurant it was full of smaller groups. Or if you can't if you live near a nice pub you could always go there after lunch

Maybe if you ask your DS and DH how they would like Christmas Day to go? If you've had a set plan because of fitting in with others in the past, maybe your husband or son would like to do something a bit different ? Plan your own day between the 3 of you. Are you able to arrange days out or a couple of days away over the extended holiday ?

For me it's all about having lots of Christmassey things to do on the run up

Sunday closest to Dec 1st decorate the tree and living room while watching Christmas movies

Attend multiple Christmas parties

Do a Christmas photo with us and the cats dressed up by the tree as an e-card

Spend an evening doing cards and wrapping presents to send to close family and friends. Again make an evening of it.

Visit atleast a couple of places that have good lights, decorations or things like ginger bread competitions (posh hotels for coffee are good for this)

Go to one Christmas play, concert or panto

Most of you don't seem to know what it can be like, just three of you sitting there looking at eachother. It can feel like just another day and you wonder what is the point of trying to make it special. But we ignore that and do our best and usually have a nice enough day. We plan plenty before and after

IT'll be DH, me, one adult son. We'll do stockings as usual. We also exchange wish lists, so there's lots of pre-Christmas plotting about who's going buy what for who which is all good fun. DS's stocking will be locked in his car boot (to which I have the spare key) as Santa is damned if she's going to wait around till DS has finished his gaming on Christmas Eve and gone to bed. Then on Christmas Day DS will turn up about 11, and it'll all be around moving chairs around, getting table laid until dinner is served. Presents after dinner.Then we'll watch a film from the almost microscopically small overlap between DS's tastes and mine. Decorations everywhere - nowadays it's easy to make it sparkle with strings of cheap LEDs. Dinner table decorated - even just sprigs of greenery with tinsel or red bows or candles lifts it out of the ordinary. All the best china and glass ware. Crackers, of course, and silly hats. Go for either cheap rubbish crackers or for something like the Kuckoo crackers with little Chrismassy lego kits in. "Quality" cracker gifts get left on the table just like the cheap ones do

It'll just be us together for the whole day, so it will feel special.

Just different from the special of having relatives visiting from elsewhere and a house full enough to play games that can't be played with just 2 or 3.

I don't see the issue.
Small family Christmases are so much easier and happier .

It'll just be me partner and DD 6 this year.
Partner has a massive family and we usually have a house full of in laws but this year I'm excited for it just to be us.
Favourite food, favourite TV, no fitting to other people agendas. Might go for a walk and play with DDs toys with her.

Christmas doesn't have to be ground breaking or Instagram worthy. Just have the day you want and enjoy x

Thank you @ManateeFair that's exactly how I feel. Without being too outing some family have decided not to speak to me and some are spending it with other family. It feels like a shit time and I've done nothing wrong.

Thanks to those who totally get it, I really appreciate the kind words. I know how lucky I am but at Christmas it's even harder to brush off the losses I've experienced this year without feeling very sad.

We go out for dinner with dh family on Xmas eve then back for drinks and nibbles and they go home around 7, then it is just the 3 of us for the evening and Xmas day and it is bliss - up for presents, relaxed breakfast and i chill out with ds, his presents and prosecco while dh cooks lunch and then we totally chill out with films etc, it is a really nice day. We go to my family on boxing day and that it busier etc so we get the best of both worlds imo

Make a feature of it being just you three, so DS doesn;t feel he;s missing out. Spend all day in PJs if you like. Have food at times that suit you, switch the menu up so he gets to choose his dream breakfast and snacks. Plan some great films and make sure you have them to hand.

If you can, set up a Zoom with any cousins or relatives he loves seeing usually at Christmas, and maybe suggest having an online silly quiz or game of charades. If that's not possible, because of a fallout, try and plan for him to get together with some friends as close to Christmas as possible and maybe invite some families with similar aged children around for Boxing Day.

Keep all traditions going - stockings, tree presents, beautiful dining table, pull crackers and tell stupid jokes, play monopoly , go for walks etc.

Very, very wise words @5128gap .
It truly is about getting your head in the right place OP and not letting the (unreal) fantasy of "everyone else is having a much better time than us" get the better of you.
I'm widowed (and childless) so am practicing what I preach here - and it does work.
I just need to develop a technique for managing other folk's obvious horror at the thought of me spending Christmas alone (I usually fib and tell everyone I'm staying with someone else!).

Christmas greetings and solidarity to @OldTinHat 😉

we've recently switched from big busy christmasses to just 3.

Find some new traditions. I focus on the fact I'm on annual leave and I love forgetting what day it is.

I recommend (if money allows)

• extra special treats. DC loves Fanta and Pringles - so I've stocked up on these. DH and I love cheese so we've bought a special cheese hamper to enjoy. Nice beers and posh crackers / chutneys

• slob wear or blankets. Be warm and cosy!

• Everyone chooses a film and a film snack

• Everyone chooses an outing

• Everyone chooses a meal and pudding to have during Christmas week (DC chose homemade pizzas and New York cheesecake)

It'll be okay!

Merry Christmas to you three! ❤️