To ask for advice on how to stop child stealing

[29andLost]

Have posted about my DD stealing before but now the school are aware (she's been caught by teachers twice now)
She's stolen from me before, from makeup to my sweets, to my pens, to money.
The schools response is when my DD is in the cloak room to get her jacket or shoes she will be escorted each and every time and I am completely mortified by this.
I will speak to my DD when I'm home from work but I already know she will shrug or cry and say she doesn't want to speak to me anymore.
But any ideas how to actually get this to stop once and for all? She is 6, 7 in Feb.

She wants what other people have? I honestly don't know

Kleptomania is caused by a lack of serotonin so I'd you've tried all other options then a visit to the GP and a blood test maybe in order. Or look at her diet and any nutrients deficiencies and upping both her time in the sun and time doing exercise and other physical activity

Ooh difficult one that she's started doing at school too.
I wouldn't say to my kids they are stealing from me, if they are just things in the house. I have boundaries about kids not taking things from each others rooms or mine. But, if it became a thing at school I'd be a bit worried too!

What does she when you ask her why she takes things that don't belong to her?

Stealing usually has a motivation.

Try and work out why she is stealing. Are these items she wants? Why is she feeling the need to steal?

You say she's "stolen" pens, makeup, sweets, money from you

Do you mean borrowed pens/makeup without asking? Stolen is a big word for a little girl. Does she feel she can't ask you if she use/try them? That you'll always say no?

When my daughter asks for my makeup, i help her try a little of something old/distract her with play makeup or facepaint.

Money and sweets: are you very restrictive about sweets? We had a child on a play date who kept stealing from my sons birthday sweets. His mother totally restricts sugar at home so he has no idea how to control himself.

Money - at 6, could you give her a little pocket money? Or talk about ways she can get some money, selling an old toy, remind that the toothfairy brings a coin.

I would class it as stealing from me, when she's gone into my room
Or she's purposely searching through high up cupboards (she knows thats where things of mine get stashed)

She knicked heaps of 20ps from the school tuck shop last year.

She will just shrug

It can become a bad habit. Have you sat her down to talk about it?

Can you think of anything at home that she might be unhappy about or struggling with?

It might just be something that she needs to learn the hard way. The consequences for her stealing need to be harsh enough to deter her next time and you need to keep talking about how wrong it is to steal and why.

What kind of punishments have you put in place?

What does she do with the things she steals? Keep do herself? Give to other children to buy their friendship? Or something else?

I would class it as stealing from me, when she's gone into my room

Has she asked and you've said no?

What was she nicking 20ps for? Is there something she wants to buy and doesn't see how else to get money?

Try showing her acceptable ways to get what she wants. People steal when they are desperate.

She will shrug because she is 6, and she's probably embarrassed, ashamed, can't find the words to explain, is worried she'll get in even more trouble if she tells the truth

It could be impulse control issues, especially if she isn't doing anything with the stuff.
Did she try to buy anything with the 20ps for example?

Well it was a permanent marker pen that I had in my cupboard
Only had it out to write on her school jumper, so when my back was turned she went into the cupboard took the pen, drew all over her shoes, her telly and her bed

Sweets, I'm too lax on them tbh but certain ones I'd got for my mum as they were vegan and she took them. She knew they weren't for anyone in the house.

She's taken white board markers from school, lip gloss from school (she did have her own and her own play makeup but she took big gauges out of them) so they obviously got binned
She's taken hair bobbles, we have lots but she doesn't where any
She's taken water bottles, I buy her new ones as soon as she asks

No she hid them under her bed

Agreeing with @Benibidibici here, it's the language around taking or using things that you may or may not want her to use.

Natural curiosity should never be labelled as being a thief or stealing.

Maybe that's what's driving her?

Keeps them for herself
Either in her school bag until I notice or under her bed

No she's never asked
She has drawing pencils, crayons and pens down stairs and has easy reach to them

I don't know about the 20ps, she couldn't explain how she got them
I don't even know how the school didn't notice

Hmm its a bit odd.

Does she have any other odd behaviours? Has she been exposed to any trauma as a younger child? Abuse, separation from parents etc? Sorry to be blunt but is she adopted?

Also - what happens when she does this? What are the consequences? Make sure you don't punish her for admitting to things, praise honesty or it can lead to lying.

Initially i would have said she needs a punishment such as no tv or something else she plays with. But it does seem quite extreme like she can't help herself so I would speak to school and see if there is somewhere they could refer her to for help.

I’d take her to a child psychologist to tease out what’s behind it, if you are able to pay for a few sessions.

I would class it as stealing from me

Sorry, but I think using the word "stealing" is really awful and counterproductive. She's 6, not 16. The language we use in dealing with children is very, very important. Are you actually telling her that she's stealing? Have you called her a thief? It would be much more reasonable to say you don't take things that don't belong to you or you don't take things without permission.

Taking something that doesnt belong to you is stealing and using that word to highlight the seriousness can be useful. Possibly wouldn't start that but after a few times I would say it is stealing.

That sounds like she can't resist taking them at the time rather than she feels she needs/wants them.
It's quite common at year R (I remember one of my friends shamefacedly taking back something and the teacher commenting that they normally have at least one child a year whose parent is bringing back multiply things a week-and those are the ones whose parents realise). But she's getting old enough that should be stopping.

Have you talked to her why she takes them? She may genuinely not know.

Perhaps find a social story of a child who has something taken and is sad about it? Or see if you can role play something being taken, and how sad you/someone feels, and how you now can't buy X because you have to get a replacement?

Is she bored? Is it attention seeking? Does she have a sibling who she's jealous of or feels is favoured?

Where does she get praise, self worth and positive reinforcement from?