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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A Friends request

66 replies

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 05:04

Every year my friend (W) who lives around the corner from me has asked me to feed her animals while she has been away - actually she has asked regularly as they go away alot. I don't mind as its just around the corner and pretty much on my way. Over Christmas they are going away for 6 weeks and initially asked myself and my other friend (B) if we didn't mind feeding the animals while they are away. Between the 2 of us we said that it was fine. This friend said that we should also feel free to make use of the pool and spa. Other friend asked if its just me and her doing this and W said yes. B said good cos she feels a bit awkward coming to use the pool and someone is already there. W said that she would just keep it to me and B. The last week I get a group message with 6 others asking us to fill in a spreadsheet of when we can help feed the animals. I PM her and ask what happened to just me and B helping out. W said " I have had other offers and want to spread the love and the eggs ( she has chickens). I just said ok what ever works for you is fine. I am annoyed because B and I were fine with doing it between the 2 of us and I feel like my offer has been rejected, also I can't be arsed filling in a group spreadsheet of the days I want to help when I offered for the whole 5 weeks and B the times when I can't do it. So I haven't filled in the spreadsheet. She since then messaged and said that she is going to the pub for dinner as a casual last hurrah before they leave and it would be nice if I could join for a drink or two.... I had already told her previously I was out Sat ( although don't expect her to remember) but I am thinking you are going out for dinner but just asking me to join for a drink ( lol) Any way I reminded her I was out and then she followed this up by telling me there are still 2 days available for me to help with the animals and the house!!!! AVAILABLE?? like she is doing me a favour! For me its like Me and B's offer wasn't suitable or she wanted back up who knows but am I being unreasonable thinking this is NOT the way to go about it and she has definately put my back up

OP posts:

mosaicqueen · 06/12/2023 05:10

I think it was considerate of her to take the opportunity to share the load more widely. Six weeks is a long time and a big ask. If it no longer suits you, just say you are no longer available.

I wouldn't sweat the word 'available'. It makes sense in the context.

Silverbirch7 · 06/12/2023 05:11

A teen might find this annoying, I'd be surprised by an adult tbh.

BullAndDoring · 06/12/2023 05:12

She's going away for 6 weeks - that's a big time commitment to ask of 2 people - what if one person becomes poorly and cannot help out? That leaves the other person with much of the burdon. Much better to have a rota among a larger group over such a long period in my opinion.
Her priority is her pets welfare.

tachycardigan · 06/12/2023 05:31

I was thinking yabu until this bit below, she does sound like she’s doing people favours.

Any way I reminded her I was out and then she followed this up by telling me there are still 2 days available for me to help with the animals and the house!!!! AVAILABLE?? like she is doing me a favour!

But given now 8 people are offering to help, she probably thinks the pool and spa are the primary consideration for volunteers. Do people use them a lot, is it a really nice place?

thedamnseason · 06/12/2023 05:38

I think it's a great idea she's got more people helping. Otherwise, if one of the original two gets ill or something else happens it's left to one person to feed the animals for weeks.

I think getting pissed off about it is silly.

TomeTome · 06/12/2023 05:44

She’s found other people to do the bulk of it so needs a favour for two days not 6 weeks. Why is that a problem? If you can’t do the two days just say so.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/12/2023 05:45

Going against the flow, but I'd be annoyed too. She was specifically asked if it was just the two of you because otherwise you'd feel uncomfortable using the pool and spa and she confirmed you were. 'Sharing the love and eggs..."yeah right. It's a recipe for disaster, stay well away. Someone is bound to message others "Oh I can't do today, could someone please take care of it for me?" On repeat!

"Oh don't worry about me. You seem to have plenty of others who are very keen so I'll leave it to them to partake in the love and eggs! Have a great time and I'll see you when you get back."

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/12/2023 05:47

Oh and don't step up in winter when the pool isn't as inviting and the chickens aren't laying eggs, either, so less people wanting to help.

HerbalBovril · 06/12/2023 05:47

I’ve never said this before, but…is this a reverse?!

flowerchild2000 · 06/12/2023 05:49

Rich people problems, lol

Mumdiva99 · 06/12/2023 05:50

I don't think she was trying to be mean. I'm sure lots have offered so they can use the pool and spa over the Xmas period - especially if she is the only one locally with this sort of facility.

I think she invited you for a drink so you can do that before you go on your night out.

I'm not sure why you are offended. She hasn't done anything wrong.

IsItOverYetAndCanIComeOutNow · 06/12/2023 06:09

Massive overreaction from you.

salamirose · 06/12/2023 06:26

I was all nah yabu and then I got to this bit:

Yeah that would annoy me - she only invited you out to try and fill the gaps on her spreadsheet

AnonyLonnymouse · 06/12/2023 06:31

I am not remotely involved in the world of pets but six weeks? She needs to get in a professional pet-sitter.

autienotnaughty · 06/12/2023 06:33

She asked you to help feed animals. She asked other people too so it wasn't too big a ask on one person. She set a rota up so it was organised and efficient . She offered use of her facilities.

I'm really struggling with where she went wrong here.

Do you genuinely feel rejected because someone doesn't need your help as much as you anticipated they would? Are you young? Do you have esteem issues?

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 06/12/2023 06:36

I can see why you are upset but I can also see why she thought spreading it amongst more people might be useful or sensible. What if you got ill etc.

The use of the term “available” does seem a bit off. However….a pool and a spa?! Maybe it is actually a nice thing for the people helping out. I’d happily feed a few animals to borrow a pool and spa for a day over Xmas and would consider that a win for me.

PickledPurplePickle · 06/12/2023 06:36

Is this a reverse?

Most people would be happy that there was more help. What if someone gets sick or has an emergency

6’weeks is a long time

AngelAurora · 06/12/2023 06:38

She is trying to share the load, get over it.

Aliceinnorthernland · 06/12/2023 06:38

I'd say that if she is wealthy enough for a pool and spa and a six week holiday, she can afford a pet sitter.

liveforsummer · 06/12/2023 06:44

I get you OP. You'd sorted the arrangements for her pets, that you always take good care of then she went and made whole other plans then left you with a couple of days which she's presented like some kind of favour to you. I'd do as a pp suggests and decline. Say I see you have it well covered this time so will leave you to it. Tbh it sounds like lots can go wrong with so many people involved (who likely don't give a stuff about the animals - just the pool) so best to stay well out of it

StayingUpSleepingIn · 06/12/2023 06:46

Do the two days, use the pool and spa for 6 weeks with the other person who was originally helping. Seems perfect.

Gringlebat · 06/12/2023 06:51

I would be delighted to get out of doing an extra job in the cold. I would be celebrating. The opposite of offended!

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:05

That was an option but she wanted someone in the house to look after her pets and pay her for the use of the house

OP posts:

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:06

Not doing any, like another girl on the list I’ll be back up as I have already said I’m free on certain days.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:08

Yes she is which is fine and a good idea, I think it more HOW - sending an empty spreadsheet for us to choose which dates … I’m all for sharing the load but I think it’s more the way it’s been done/ communicated.

OP posts:

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