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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh asked if we could swap pyjama tops

102 replies

Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 20:40

Bought Dh, myself and Dd matching Christmas pjs (I know, I know)
All went to get dressed in them and get all cosy after work. DD’s age 5, mine a large and Dh XL-he’s an average sized guy, but quite tall and I thought baggy. I’m size 16 now and need to get some weight off.
Mine fitted ok, Dh came downstairs and says his top was a bit small (it wasn’t really) and could he swap with mine? I said why mine as mines a large and his is extra large? He said mine looked bigger and the womens tops are usually larger.
Aibu to feel a weird kind of offended by this or just being super sensitive because I hate mr weight and I’m tired of being fat?

OP posts:
FractiousPangolin · 05/12/2023 22:12

I'm with everyone who opened this thread thinking it was about a lacy cami...

girlswillbegirls · 05/12/2023 22:18

lesdeluges · 05/12/2023 20:47

I thought for a moment that he wanted to cross dress.

😂

pontipinemum · 05/12/2023 22:20

Have you asked him what he thought?

My guess would be that yours looked baggy and that he thought it was bigger than his because of that. That you would fit what he thought to be the smaller one.

@Punkkitty 😂I'm having flash backs of being at the end of pregnancy and attempting to go sideways to get back into the car in a tight car park. DH just looked at me and said' if you don't fit walking forward you won't fit sideways!!!' My bump went out a LOT. He pulled out the car

Nanaof1 · 05/12/2023 22:24

Notimeforaname · 05/12/2023 20:47

There would be no point swapping and seeing as mine was a large his an extra large, his was bigger

I would anyway. Just to laugh at him.

I'd swap and when he found out that his was bigger, I would be like, "You're right dear. This one (his top) feels much nicer. Thanks for swapping with me!"

Boomboom22 · 05/12/2023 22:28

Def make him try it on so he realises how slim you are compared to him. Knob.

Badgrief · 05/12/2023 22:28

Wherewithout · 05/12/2023 22:00

I would take it as a compliment - he is offering you what he believes to be the smaller of the two tops! Perhaps he thought yours was bigger because it is baggy on you?

Absolutely this. He didn't know what sizes you ordered. He thought yours looked too big for you and his too small so he suggested swapping

steff13 · 05/12/2023 22:30

Badgrief · 05/12/2023 22:28

Absolutely this. He didn't know what sizes you ordered. He thought yours looked too big for you and his too small so he suggested swapping

Show quote history

Exactly. The other way around doesn't make any sense.

Boomboom22 · 05/12/2023 22:30

Badgrief · 05/12/2023 22:28

Absolutely this. He didn't know what sizes you ordered. He thought yours looked too big for you and his too small so he suggested swapping

Show quote history

So you both think it's fine for him to believe they are the same size when she is quite a bit smaller than him?

wanttokickoffbutcant · 05/12/2023 22:30

Are these M&S pj's? The sizing is off the wall with them - last year I bought Percy Pig PJ's in 12-13 y range and myself (a 50 y/o size 10/12) size 15/16 in the kids range and they were baggy.

KirstenBlest · 05/12/2023 22:36

M&S Girls Pyjamas & Dressing Gowns
Age (years)15-16
Height64½-64½ Chest 36-37½ Waist 28-29 Hip 37¾-39½

IntoAThousandPieces · 05/12/2023 22:42

Are these M&S pj's? The sizing is off the wall with them - last year I bought Percy Pig PJ's in 12-13 y range and myself (a 50 y/o size 10/12) size 15/16 in the kids range and they were baggy.

Adults telling us they wear kids clothing, it’s always a thing on these threads. 🤣 Maybe you’re shorter than the 5 feet 5 child they’re meant for?

KirstenBlest · 05/12/2023 22:47

I'm shorter than 5'5" and have things from M&S and other kids' ranges.
This is MN where size 16 is not fat even if you're short. I'd be fat at size 12.

autienotnaughty · 05/12/2023 22:50

I would take this as his didn't fit and he assumed you need a larger size than him so yours would be bigger and would fit him better.

So yes I would be offended.

But he did also think his too small one would fit you so it does sound like he at least thinks he's bigger than you.!

IntoAThousandPieces · 05/12/2023 22:53

I'm shorter than 5'5" and have things from M&S and other kids' ranges.
This is MN where size 16 is not fat even if you're short. I'd be fat at size 12.

Mumsnet is also home to the many teeny tinies, that is those that post on threads to tell us their size and that they wear children’s clothing when it’s not relevant. 🤣

SkySecret · 05/12/2023 22:54

“Women’s tops are usually bigger?” What?

How could he even make that comment without knowing what size you’d got? Even if you had the women’s XL of course it would still be smaller than the men’s?

Not sure he was intentionally trying to offend (unless he has form) but he sounds dumb

KirstenBlest · 05/12/2023 22:55

@IntoAThousandPieces , you can just ignore those posts. I found it useful.

IntoAThousandPieces · 05/12/2023 23:02

@KirstenBlest Or I can do what I want and find it funny that the poster, (not you), was desperate to tell us she wears children’s clothes when it has zero relevance to the thread. She didn’t know it was
m and s, OPs top was fine, her husbands was small, so how did her coming on to say she found the kids clothes too baggy help? 🤣 Teeny tinies at Xmas. 🤣🤣🤣

Badgrief · 05/12/2023 23:03

Boomboom22 · 05/12/2023 22:30

So you both think it's fine for him to believe they are the same size when she is quite a bit smaller than him?

Show quote history

He doesn't think they are the same size. He thinks the top which is too small for him will fit her.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 05/12/2023 23:10

Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 20:45

@carddino Thats what I mean, he didn’t know the size of mine-L or his Xl until I said, so did he think mine just must be bigger because I’m a big fatty 🙈

probably more that it looks baggier on you. He thinks you can do a smaller one so would say it’s the opposite of him thinking you are a fatty.

KirstenBlest · 05/12/2023 23:12

The kids clothes aren't teeny tiny though. I fancied some percy pig pyjamas.

I think OP's DH thought OP's too big top was bigger than his too small one or that he was clueless.

I think you read too much into @wanttokickoffbutcant 's post. It was to do with sizing.

Pokinganose · 05/12/2023 23:14

Maybe he just thought yours might be a roomier when accounting for boobilicious space that womens tops have? I wouldn't take it to heart. I think men generally aren't good at judging sizes and maybe its because you're feeling a bit sensitive about your size?

sandyhappypeople · 05/12/2023 23:16

That's really awkward, in all honesty is your size L a little tight? I read into this as his was too baggy for him, and maybe he thinks you may be more comfy in his XL, and he would prefer a less baggy L, so he's suggested the swap in the only way that wouldn't make you feel shamed by pretending his is too big, bit of a weird way to put it but if he thought it would be a good swap there's really no other way he could say it.

I'm not judging BTW, I know exactly how you feel, I'm a 16/18 on top and a women's large/men's medium would be a bit clingy on me for my liking, a mens L would be a good fit and a an XL lovely for sleeping in!

I know it really difficult, but please don't assume he's criticizing you, that's your insecurity talking! He's probably wishing right now he hadn't said anything if he thinks he's hurt your feelings.

My3dahliasarebloominlovely · 05/12/2023 23:16

I'm overweight with a large bust. DH is slightly built all over except he has a very large gut these days. He lives under the illusion that my podgy tummy is bigger than his extremely large gut. Er......no. my waistband sits on my waist, and fits comfortably. He wears a pair of trousers and a belt in only a size larger than he did 20 years ago, granted: the difference is that they are now tightly fastened underneath said gut. I can easily squeeze through small gaps that he has difficulty with. It hasn't clicked with the poor love yet....weird.

Kingsleadhat · 05/12/2023 23:17

lesdeluges · 05/12/2023 20:47

I thought for a moment that he wanted to cross dress.

This was the first thing that popped into my mind!

Headband · 05/12/2023 23:19

AllAroundMyCat · 05/12/2023 20:45

Why wouldn't you just swap and see?
It's not an issue!

Yes , why all the drama ?