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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh asked if we could swap pyjama tops

102 replies

Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 20:40

Bought Dh, myself and Dd matching Christmas pjs (I know, I know)
All went to get dressed in them and get all cosy after work. DD’s age 5, mine a large and Dh XL-he’s an average sized guy, but quite tall and I thought baggy. I’m size 16 now and need to get some weight off.
Mine fitted ok, Dh came downstairs and says his top was a bit small (it wasn’t really) and could he swap with mine? I said why mine as mines a large and his is extra large? He said mine looked bigger and the womens tops are usually larger.
Aibu to feel a weird kind of offended by this or just being super sensitive because I hate mr weight and I’m tired of being fat?

OP posts:
Original poster
Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 20:53

@lesdeluges 😂

OP posts:
Kittenkitty · 05/12/2023 21:01

Unless he says other things about your size/weight then I’d take this as an innocent comment.

BambiSkate · 05/12/2023 21:06

He absolutely thinks yours would fit because he sees you as fat and him as not. Completely ignoring that he's taller and broader than you so bigger.

ActDottie · 05/12/2023 21:06

I wouldn’t be offended by this but I would question his logic that women’s sizes are bigger??? Women’s sizes also normally nip in at the waist which is why sometimes I buy men’s t shirts (or steal my husbands) if I want something baggy.

Arightoldcarryabag · 05/12/2023 21:10

Swap.
No returns.

Honestly, Men have no idea. If you're going to get offended every time he says something insensitive (but without malice) then you'll spend half your life upset.

Make him eat his words and wear the smaller top, maybe he'll learn.

Original poster
Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 21:13

@BambiSkate Thats what I thought…

OP posts:
User839516 · 05/12/2023 21:18

If you bought him an XL and it is too small for him, he is definitely not an ‘average-sized guy’ 😂

Sunday12 · 05/12/2023 21:22

lesdeluges · 05/12/2023 20:47

I thought for a moment that he wanted to cross dress.

Me too. I suppose he does in a way though

BambiSkate · 05/12/2023 21:24

Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 21:13

@BambiSkate Thats what I thought…

Yep doesn't mean he thinks there's anything wrong with you being fat. But he's not fat you are fat = your clothes must be bigger

LightDrizzle · 05/12/2023 21:27

You’ve presumably got breasts which he’s noticed. He probably thinks that means your clothes are roomier even though your frame is smaller.

I really wouldn’t overthink it.

TheHateIsNotGood · 05/12/2023 21:31

So if his is too small him but fits you that's a result for you OP as you get 2 pyjama tops.

The drama llama stuff goes a bit over my head as I have no idea what reality plane you live on.

InSpainTheRain · 05/12/2023 21:32

I think you are over thinking it! He just doesn't get sizing. Tell him to try it on and it will end the conversation.

Fizzadora · 05/12/2023 21:33

Oh @Furleasenavidad you are determined to think the worst of him aren't you? You have only responded to the handful of posters who have agreed he thinks you're a big fatty and totally ignored the dozens who have said you are overreacting.
Anyway, if the cap fits.......😉

Original poster
Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 21:34

@Fizzadora Oh..nice

OP posts:
Original poster
Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 21:35

@User839516 Where we are XL isn’t actually that big tbf, plus it wasn’t too small, he just wanted a big, baggy one

OP posts:
thirdfiddle · 05/12/2023 21:40

Take it as a compliment - yours looked big on you, i.e. you are slimmer, so he thought it might be bigger than his.

Maybe he thought it was a women's fit even if it was actually unisex. Women's are wider round the chest, men's are longer and wide in the shoulders - I know this as I often find the men's fits me better, but would get XL in either department.

KirstenBlest · 05/12/2023 21:40

Don't worry about it. Some men are clueless. XP thought my jeans would fit him.

He was more than a foot taller than me and wore jeans about 8 inches waist size bigger.

TwilightBee · 05/12/2023 21:41

Sounds to me like he just thought yours was too big for you and wanted to offer you a smaller one? Certainly not an insult when he didn’t know what the sizes were

Superduper02 · 05/12/2023 21:46

OP, how are we meant to know what your DH was thinking. Just ask him? Most logical reason as PP have said is that he thought yours looks baggy so might fit him better.

Punkkitty · 05/12/2023 21:51

Would he possibly be a bit thick?

Original poster
Furleasenavidad · 05/12/2023 21:57

@Punkkitty 😂

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 05/12/2023 21:59

@Punkkitty , XP wasn't particularly thick but thought he was skinny. I used to grab the size S clothes out of his hand in shops and pass him the L one.

Wherewithout · 05/12/2023 22:00

I would take it as a compliment - he is offering you what he believes to be the smaller of the two tops! Perhaps he thought yours was bigger because it is baggy on you?

Punkkitty · 05/12/2023 22:03

@KirstenBlest yeah I’ve met a few people like that.... just delusional regarding the size of their own physical being. Baffles me.

Getthethrowonthesofa · 05/12/2023 22:07

Yeah I’m with you, I’d be a bit offended, the clear meaning is he thinks your top is bigger than his. He’s clearly got some form of body dysmorphia going on,where he thinks he’s smaller than he is, and body dysmorphia by proxy where he thinks you’re bigger than you are.

what a twat,

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