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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this mad behaviour on a train?

304 replies

capermum · 05/12/2023 20:38

So today I have a meeting the other side of the country today and I get an early train, guy in my seat when I arrive but shifts over for me (it’s a table of 4)
I’m window forward facing
he’s aisle forward facing

But THEN! The guy reaches down into a carrier bag on the floor and pulls out a large bowl which he places on top of his laptop, then reaches down again and retrieves a box of cornflakes that he tips into said massive bowl and then pulls out a big bottle of milk, pours it on the flakes and proceeds to munch away while watching iplayer though headphones like munch munch munch right in my effing ear, it’s not first class or anything so the seats are very close to each other.

I wouldn’t even sit next to my DH to eat cereal that close let alone a stranger!!!

After about 2 mins of this I interrupted his viewing and say “You have to let me out! I have to move while you eat, this is so antisocial and I can’t bear it”
“But I’m nearly finished” he says agog
“But I can’t bear to listen to another mouthful!”

So i do indeed leave while he finished and read my book further down the train where I can, in fact, still bloody hear him munch-munching away…

Then when it’s safe I return to my seat and get back to work

Oh yeah and when I’d arrived I get out my laptop and set it up to work, he reaches right across me an plugs into the socket that would have been closest to me, before I have a chance to, the passenger across from me notes this and offers me his socket with a knowing look, so is this further proof he’s a without doubt a total psycho?

I think in the end I made him as uncomfortable as he made me by calling him out, so I guess we are quits (for now)

It’s quite out of character for me to confront anyone ever, so tell me, is this totally antisocial or am I being over sensitive? and if I’m you think I’m being too soft then, please tell me what’s the worst outrageous antisocial behaviour you’ve witnessed on a train?

My colleague just told me she watched someone clipping their toenails once with those clippers that fling the nails every which way. So that’s probably worse

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 07/12/2023 12:22

A few people I've chatted with lately have said that they think the social contract has broken down since the pandemic, and we are all much more self-centred and entitled now.

I wonder if the general laissez-faire attitude here towards Cornflake Commuter is evidence of this?

About six or seven years ago I asked mumsnet AIBU because someone had a massive go at me for having the temerity to hold a phone conversation on the bus. I didn't swear or shout, just chatted with my grandma. MN's verdict back then was that I was extremely unreasonable to talk for more than a few minutes on public transport.

It does seem our expectations of decorous public standards have slipped.

Original poster
capermum · 07/12/2023 12:29

pontipinemum · 05/12/2023 21:46

@TicTacNicNak I didn't know this had a name. ugh the sound of people eating can be horrendous. My first memory of it bothering me was my brother chewing his cornflakes (coincidence) really really loudly. I was about 4 I told him to be quiet, he got louder, I threw up 😳

@capermum it is weird I wouldn't call it anti social but, not on really. Surely he could have a quiet breakfast option if he wanted to make the most of his commute time. Next time I wouldn't say anything apart from excuse me, leave for a few minutes, then come back. No explanation needed.
Where I trained one of the partners was a terrible person to eat near, when he came in I would always quietly leave putting my phone to my ear or something

This is sound advice I was obviously having a day of it ! It was really out of character to actually vocalise my internal monologue!

OP posts:
SkySecret · 07/12/2023 12:38

@FarEast that could be argued too, but it certainly isn’t irony.

fishfingersandchipsagain · 07/12/2023 12:40

ManateeFair · 07/12/2023 10:09

It's no more antisocial than eating anything else on a train. It's not his fault you have a particular aversion to hearing people eat. You're a lot weirder than him.

If you're really looking for tales of the worst antisocial behaviour people have witnessed on a train, then I'll be delighted to tell you about the time I witnessed a man beat the shit out of another man by repeatedly smacking him the face with a unopened beer can, or the time my friend and I were sitting opposite a man who got his dick out and started having a wank.

That’s a tumultuous race to the bottom.

We should all simple be grateful that fellow commuters are not commuting assault or sexual offences?

I like to think maybe we could raise the bar a little on our standards.

Allfur · 07/12/2023 12:42

My general rule is to try and go about my business without affecting others negatively, that would most definitely include not eating cornflakes on a busy train

AyrshireTryer · 07/12/2023 12:46

Could have been worse, he could have had Rice Krispies.

Brefugee · 07/12/2023 12:47

i would have asked him to go away with his cornflakes.

For the socket - he was in the aisle seat, there's no socket. You don't get to claim it just because you're sitting next to it, and the other socket was available so where's the issue there?

cardibach · 07/12/2023 13:43

capermum · 05/12/2023 23:05

I don’t disagree with you eating on trains is a necessity of life
I guess this wasn’t really a commuter train though: 8:40 leaving london so not super full either and I got up just before 7 and had time for a shower breakfast with the family and an hour across town to make the train. I bet it’s tougher on a commute when you leave at a really early hour and there’s no chance of breakfast before hitting your desk

Show quote history

You’re aware that not everyone on a train leaving London is from London? He may have come from anywhere on an earlier train. Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary to eat on trains. It’s a bit irrelevant whether you think it’s necessary though. It’s allowed - they even sell food on trains (and in stations packaged to take on the train) so people are completely free to do it if they want to.

Original poster
capermum · 07/12/2023 15:26

cardibach · 07/12/2023 13:43

You’re aware that not everyone on a train leaving London is from London? He may have come from anywhere on an earlier train. Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary to eat on trains. It’s a bit irrelevant whether you think it’s necessary though. It’s allowed - they even sell food on trains (and in stations packaged to take on the train) so people are completely free to do it if they want to.

Show quote history

Wow no it never had thanks for pointing this out 😁

OP posts:
cardibach · 07/12/2023 15:38

capermum · 07/12/2023 15:26

Wow no it never had thanks for pointing this out 😁

Show quote history

You seemed to be saying due to the time of the train it wasn’t a commuter one therefore everyone should have had plenty of time to have breakfast at home.

keye · 07/12/2023 15:47

I find the idea that a person can only commute at commuter train times absolutely bizarre. Surely we all know people lead different lives? Maybe someone commenting slightly later in the day is doing so because they keep different hours to you and go to bed at 2am, gets up at 8am for his 8:40 train? You only had time for breakfast because you obviously were in bed earlier.

We are not all the same so 'I had time' is irrelevant

Original poster
capermum · 07/12/2023 19:12

Brefugee · 07/12/2023 12:47

i would have asked him to go away with his cornflakes.

For the socket - he was in the aisle seat, there's no socket. You don't get to claim it just because you're sitting next to it, and the other socket was available so where's the issue there?

Totally agree here and I was not denying the socket usage but no conversation took place just a reach across my lap and a plug in

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 07/12/2023 19:35

I was not denying the socket usage but no conversation took place just a reach across my lap and a plug in

He was probably making a point as thought you had been rude

pictoosh · 07/12/2023 19:41

Well wasn't going to make polite conversation with you after you had your wee "I can't bear it!" performance, was he? You went back to sit beside him after that too. YOU are bizarre. I wouldn't have spoken to you either.

littlebopeepp234 · 08/12/2023 02:07

capermum · 07/12/2023 19:12

Totally agree here and I was not denying the socket usage but no conversation took place just a reach across my lap and a plug in

Show quote history

So he wasn’t allowed to eat cereal to appease your silly demands and also wasn’t allowed to use a plug socket that you was sat next to either? You don’t own the train!!!! What a strange person to think you can dictate what other people should do! If you’d treated me like that I would have just told you to F off!!!

FarEast · 08/12/2023 07:38

I doubt the OP is an experienced traveller.

Ann444 · 08/12/2023 13:07

And? What's the issue? He has breakfast. Big deal. Lighten up. As far as the power point connection, you got up and returned, so you missed out. Yes, I think you're being too sensitive.

Ginmonkeyagain · 08/12/2023 13:18

I mean it is a bit odd. There are less ostentatious ways to eat breakfast on the go.

Be thankful it wasn't the woman who sat down opposite me on the 8am train from London to Edinburgh - took off her boots and socks, plonked her bare feet on the seat next to her and opened up a hot takeaway Katsu Curry.

I was not impressed.

BigMarla · 08/12/2023 13:28

What’s the difference between these and a bag of crisps or chips which lots of people eat on trains?

Honestly you sound like a very overdramatic person.

The toenails thing is utterly vile, however.

hydriotaphia · 08/12/2023 13:34

For some reason this guy reminds me of Stephen Mangan as Dirk Gently keeping a whole slice of brie in his jacket pocket and taking a bite out of it thoughtfully whenever he has a moment.

RealDub1916 · 08/12/2023 13:43

Not just unreasonable, but pathetic and puerile, too.

RealDub1916 · 08/12/2023 13:44

100%.

Crafthead · 08/12/2023 14:21

Trains sell food & drink, so it's obviously ok to eat on them. He's a bit tone deaf, perhaps, but not the end of the world. Have you always been so sensitive to noise?

Bonbon249 · 08/12/2023 14:27

I always sit in the aisle seat and try to keep my stuff under control. Did once travel on a bus across the aisle from a guy who'd emptied a packet of KP Skips (snack in the UK) into his crotch area and was eating them from there!

Vonesk · 08/12/2023 14:32

There was a guy on the train yesterday munching crisps out of a packet FOUR SEATS OPPOSITE AWAY and it drove me mad.
Your situation was a bit ridiculous and so entertaining like a comedy sketch!!!!
I don't know how or why you returned to the seat.
He deffo sounds like a PSYCHO.
There was a couple of young girls in the waiting room cackling and giggling yesterday which hugely got to me, the train was delayed and had to suffer this childish interlude , I flashed a few looks.