to ask if anyone EVER says 'How do you do?' in this day and age?

[FestiveFruitloop]

Just curious as I've spotted a few people elsewhere on the web recently - all from outside the UK as far as I can tell - confidently asserting that in Britain we say 'How do you do?' when we meet a new person and that the correct response is to parrot 'How do you do?' back at them.

I'm in my mid-fifties and the words 'How do you do?' have never once crossed my lips (unless followed by something like 'long division' or 'without chocolate', that is.) I find it bemusing that people still think this is a British 'thing', but am I missing something (perhaps due to my class background)? Do people actually still say 'How do you do?' in some circles?

YABU = I've said it
YANBU = I've never said it

@jemenfous37
"CurlewKate why is it insane to observe good manners and etiquette? Just because you don't want to subscribe to this approach doesn't mean those who do are insane. Each to his own"

It's insane that we still live in a society where some people judge others by a completely non intuitive code. I know that the "proper" way to respond to "how do you do" is to say "how do you do". This does not make me better or more polite than someone who says "lovely to meet you" or "very well, thank you". It just makes me someone who has been taught that particular code.

It's not something I say unprompted, but yes, people do say it to me on a semi-regular basis, and I respond appropriately.

Other Irish people on the thread, is it said in Ireland by Irish people? I lived for a long time in the UK, and am trying to think if I've had it said to me in Ireland, by other Irish people. The only times I can think of they were elderly and Anglo-Irish, so not typical.

For once, French doesn't have class-marker greetings in the same way. The standard first greeting on an initial introduction is enchanté(e). It's moderately formal, but very widely used and not indicative of class (except when some underprivileged, generally young, people might want to deliberately subvert mainstream culture, but it's not that they don't know the convention). There are ways to really insist on the point in super-formal settings (e.g. ravi(e) de faire votre connaissance), but they're still not class markers. English will have to go looking for support elsewhere on this one, French isn't going to help out.

Who cares about etiquette though? I mean it’s the 21st century.

All my life l have deliberately chosen not to say. It’s just dated and too formal. Life isn’t like that anymore. It belongs to a time when people wore hats outdoors and gloves in summer.

Language DOES evolve because it reflects society. And we don’t really live in a formal society anymore.

Other Irish people on the thread, is it said in Ireland by Irish people?

No, it's not used here in my experience @KitchenAngst.
I've never said it nor heard it said.

I actually said it yesterday, when I was introduced to someone at a Christmas celebration.

You'd get laughed at for saying that where I live. No-one has ever said it to me.
Does it actually make grammatical sense?

I'd say, "Hello, how are you?" instead.

Yes use it when meeting a new person not just because I’m shaking hands. Husband and I shook the plumbers hand when he left after redoing the bathroom but obviously didn’t say how do you do.

It's not necessarily about snobbery, but I do worry that people who are snobs (again I don't mean you) will inevitably use this kind of detail to help them establish someone's class background/education and might treat them differently as a result, in the same way some people react to certain regional accents in a snobbish manner. I think that does constitute an argument for these conventions ceasing to matter so much tbh. I'm state-educated, from a working-class background and have a northern accent, and have in the past been treated like I kept coal in the bath by some people for these reasons, regardless of my being intelligent, well educated and articulate - I've reached a time in life where I don't particularly care about that, but it's easy for me to imagine that people who discriminate in this way might also discriminate against someone for not knowing 'how do you do' (with or without question mark) is regarded as the correct form of address. So it does somewhat concern me from an equality perspective tbh.

@mrlistersgelfbride Of course it makes grammatical sense!

I think I'd be tempted to reply, "How do I do WHAT?" Then eyeball them and walk off muttering loudly about perverts everywhere.

😄😄😄

I don't think I've ever said it. 55, lower middle class background, southerner living in the midlands.

For me, the more formal alternative would be - "How are you?" Less formal - "You all right?"

There is no single "correct" way to introduce yourself in 2020s Britain. "How do you do" was very much of product of "knowing the proper etiquette" i.e. entirely arbitrary and class-defined.

No, it's a polite, formal form of greeting.

I do remember one occasion which was so batshit (long story, but unpleasant situation blew up at an extremely UC christening) that when some red-trousered Tory peer approached and said 'How do you do?' while I was still registering what had just happened, I said 'How indeed!' and scarpered.

I'm 56 and remember older adults saying 'how do you do?' when I was a child. Kids my age said 'bout ye?'🤣🤣🤣 Norn Iron ...

Pretty bog standard still in business environment / professional services - law, accounting, financial services - when meeting new people to accompany introductory handshake.

That genuinely surprises me. (I'm in a creative and somewhat less formal profession, which probably explains it. 😁)

Where I live people say 'Owdya do' or 'Ow do'. But I don't think that's what they're thinking of when they tell people it's said here!

I say "How do you do?" when meeting new people in business, formal and semi-formal situations. My background is professional career, independent education, etc. It probably is a code thing but I don't pay too much attention to it personally.

It is very context specific-
when introduced to someone for the first time.

It follows:
‘Pickle, I’d like you to meet Mr Smith, he is interested in your experience in teaching.’
’How do you do.’
’How do you do, call me John. Bill says you taught Latin.’
It’s lovely to meet you John, yes, along with classics and French.’

…. and you’re off.

It’s part of a formal hosting process that made being at parties easy. You’d then use the same technique to palm John off on Fred, leaving you free to find Bill and complain!

It sounds stiff, starchy and old-fashioned, like from a 70s middle-class sitcom where everyone is called John, Bill and Fred and studies Latin and classics.

It is, but it’s quite a handy little dance. To be honest I think these rituals were supposed to smooth out interactions rather than highlight who did and didn’t know them.

Everyone did, that was the point. You didn’t need to be a sparkling conversationalist, you had a few pat phrases that smoothed things along.

Saying 'how do you do' as oppose to 'hello' adds nothing to the process though. You don't need to include that specific greeting to introduce people and pass them on. Its the process/technique that helps the hosting not the words.

Yes, I think we still have those phrases but they but they change over time.

For a lot of people "How do you do" has morphed into "How you doing?", "How's it going?" or "You all right?" and also "Nice to meet you", "Good to see you" etc.