To be annoyed that my friend ( a teacher) may be disciplined for telling parents one of her pupils took a pregnancy test?

[NiceTry]

The girl had confided in her and the test was arranged, via school nurse but my colleague decided that the girl's parents should be informed and may now face disciplinary procedures because the girl had not consented to this (the test was negative by the way). Obviously the girl (and parents) are very upset. But did she do the right thing?

YABU

she was wrong.

totally, completely and utterly wrong.

poor, poor girl who trusted her

the teacher has done something totally inexcusable - she will be the most hated figure in the school now : it's a secret, so naturally everyone knows.

as far as i'm concerned, as soon as a 'girl' of 14 has sexual intercourse (or thinks they might have) they are an individual and deserve to be treated as a woman.

there is no excuses... i would be pleased if my children could find a teacher to talk to, even if they don't tell me. they are individuals at 14, not a possession of their parents!!!

hopefully, i would have done my job before then to ensure they follow the non-pregnant path, by then.

I have to say that whilst I would not have told the parents, I would have cautioned the pupil that I couldn't keep this confidential, and would have then seen the HoY, or the child protection teacher as IMO this is a child protection issue, and teachers HAVE to cover their own arses unfortunately. It is not about the 'rights' of the 14 yo to privacy but about the law and teachers are judged and disciplined by how we act in accordance with the law.

On the other hand, I have bought a pregnancy testing kit for one of my year 13s and kept quiet about it, but she knew what she was doing, as she was 18. I still gave her a chat about using contraception, STDs and why 28 condoms are always better than 1.

This also highlights why there should be teachers or personnel in schools who deal solely with pastoral issues, and receive the appropriate training to do so. I always felt very uncomfortable dealing with issues like this, as we don't receive proper training in these areas; we are TEACHERS, not social or youth workers. I can deal with most things that the pastoral role throws up, but things like this where it is pretty clearly defined what your legal obligations are, have the potential to develop into a minefield as is so clearly displayed here.

YANBU to be indignant that your friend is being disciplined, but YABU to think that she was right to tell the parents..she should have gone to the child protection member of staff, or the HoY, and should NOT have promised confidentiality.

This is why, schools should take up the offer for family planning out reach workers and school nurses with FP training and 7C training to come in to the school and help with sex ed. But schools never do, the headteachers mostly seem to wimp out.

I think the opinions on this thread highlight why there has been a massive increase in teenage pregnancy. No-one appeared shocked that a 14 year old was having unprotected sex but everyone was shocked that a teacher informed her parents. We almost codone our children to have sex and dress it up as their right to confidential contraceptive advice, pregnancy testing etc when the fact remains that a child having sex needs protection even from themselves and the best person to do this is a parent. They are commiting an offence and putting themselves at risk of unwanted pregnany, AIDs, numerous STDs.

Message withdrawn

Oh and my colleague never promised confidentiality.

Message withdrawn

But the issue here wasn't about unprotected sex, was it?

It was about a breach of confidentuality, therefore we focused our opinions on that fact.

And we are probably not shocked that a 14 yr old was having sex, because it isn't so rare these days, is it?

You're doing it again - you didn't ask our views on whether this girl should be having sex or not. You asked our views on breaching her confidence.

I know you feel the Family Is Best, NiceTry - god knows you've tried to make me, and other women who use paid childcare, feel guilty as hell but really, don't dish it out if you can't take it.

lack of sex ed. is the reason for teenage pregnancies and also the need to be loved.

coupled with societies fixation with sex and image.

very sad.

still doesn't change the fact that the teacher was in the wrong. glad your not a GP!!

I had great sex at 14

I can take anything you care to throw at me MI. I have not tried to make anyone feel guilty - if you do that's your problem.

Message withdrawn

Utterly unreasonable. It was not only a breach of confidence, but unprofessional of a teacher to use her own beliefs to make decisions contravening school policy. And therefore quite right that she should be disciplined.

it is not shocking that a 14 year old is having unprotected sex. twas ever thus

Agree entirely with scaryteacher.

As a secondary school teacher, I was in the situation once of listening to a 13 yr old tell me she was worried she might be pregnant. She had tried to make an appointment with her GPs surgery to get the MAP but typically had not wanted to tell the receptionist why she was making an appointment of her accord, and was rebuffed dangerously close to the outer limit for taking it (had had unprotected sex on the Sat afternoon, was now Monday late morning). I rang her surgery and made an appointment for her. I also very seriously counselled her to tell her parents what had happened. Ultimately though I believe that a sex life is a private thing. This girl did not feel she could tell her parents she had had sex, and although she was young, she was moderately mature enough to try to do something about it. I did not feel at any time that it would have been appropriate to tell her parents for her.

She was traumatised and shocked enough about what had happened (even it was not really agaisnt her will), and it had I think been a major wake up call to her. This was not a CP issue to my mind as the boy involved was also 13. She was simply catapulted rather quickly into adulthood on this issue.

I do think that teenagers are having sex at alarmingly early ages, and this was almost certainly not ready for it. She was not even in the kind of situation you might typically expect her to end up having sex (ie not out late at night or given inappropriate freedoms). She came from a very supportive, normal, loving family.

Bottom line is that at the time I was woefully unprepared to deal with a situation like this, I reacted with my gut and mother's instinct about what to do about it, and ultimately I think the whole situation was resolved the best it could be. She was not pregnant luckily. It was not my job to go blabbing a person's private life to anybody else. And even young teenagers are people.

Monkeybird, if you feel it is a child protection issue you can 'breach confidentiality' the problem is my colleague feels unlawful sexual intercourse is a child protection issue and the school does not.

If this were my dd I would be furious that the teacher told me if my dd had gone to her in confidence

(would be upset that she hadnt felt she could tell me herself but that wouldn't stop me being cross wtih teacher)

Oh, I should say that I nearly got into trouble with senior staff over making the appointment. I could so easily have been disciplined for nebulous reason even though there was no school nurse who could have referred her.

Perhaps your 'colleague' would be better off working in another area?

is your colleague not bound by the school's protocol, rather than the ones she would prefer the school to follow?

she took it upon herslef to open a can of worms by telling the parents, she has to live with the consequences. whether it was the right thing or not

As she clearly doesn't appear able to stick to the rules of the job she's in?