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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH suddenly wants lots of sex after being almost celibate for a few years

70 replies

mindsetchange · 04/12/2023 20:11

DH and I have always had mismatched sex drives. I had a high sex drive. His was low. I’ve spent many nights in bed looking at his back, yearning for sex. Fast forward to now, I’ve lost weight, had a face lift, I actually look amazing and he wants to jump my bones every 5 minutes. On the one hand that’s nice, but on the other, I feel like it’s too little too late. We had a few days of non stop sex, which was nice, but now I’m getting a bit bored of it. I’m 54, I just feel like he missed the boat so badly. I was desperate for sex in my 40s but he didn’t take it and now it’s just a bit too late or presumptuous to think he can just pick me up now like a toy that hasn’t been played with in years. I’m so shocked at my reaction to this. I thought if he had a turn around I’d jump on it, but now it’s happened I’m a bit Meh. And when I say he won’t leave me alone, I mean he follows me about, trying to snog me and grind on me , and I feel like screaming you’re 10 years too late to the party !

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 04/12/2023 20:16

So tell him. Don't stew in silence.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 04/12/2023 20:17

And he's clearly as shallow as a dish.

QWE96 · 04/12/2023 20:18

CalistoNoSolo · 04/12/2023 20:16

So tell him. Don't stew in silence.

This. Communicate with him - tell him how it makes you feel.

itsmyp4rty · 04/12/2023 20:19

So he supposedly had a low sex drive until you had a face lift and lost weight. Miraculously his sex drive then suddenly went through the roof?
I'm not surprised you've got the ick.

zeibesaffron · 04/12/2023 20:22

I am with you on this one - how shallow is he!! I would have to say something to him and then re evaluate my needs/ next steps as this behaviour would really turn me off!!

theduchessofspork · 04/12/2023 20:24

I’m not surprised, I would need to have this out with him

Melodysmum12 · 04/12/2023 20:25

He clearly didn’t fancy you and now he does.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 04/12/2023 20:26

What made you stay with him during "the drought years"?

Hankunamatata · 04/12/2023 20:26

Has he had any changes such as new medication? diet? exercise? or is the only change that you have lost weight and had a face lift?

Olika · 04/12/2023 20:27

itsmyp4rty · 04/12/2023 20:19

So he supposedly had a low sex drive until you had a face lift and lost weight. Miraculously his sex drive then suddenly went through the roof?
I'm not surprised you've got the ick.

Agree this would turn me off too

userxx · 04/12/2023 20:30

Eeeew. I’d be telling him to fuck right off.

whatausername · 04/12/2023 20:31

Gross. So shallow and the pawing at you?! He really does think you're a toy.

mindsetchange · 04/12/2023 20:35

he started pills to boost his libido. But that was way before and they seem to have kicked in coincided with my makeover. Seems convenient. There is a part of me that just doesn’t want to let myself be picked up now like a neglected toy. I spent at least a decade being ignored in the bedroom

OP posts:
mindsetchange · 04/12/2023 20:38

I should say though, that this issue aside he is a good husband. Supportive, caring, you name it. This seems shallow though. I only made these changes for me. I did not see this coming.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 04/12/2023 20:58

I would imagine it’s the medication he’s on rather than the fact you’ve had a face lift?

A man groping you and continually demanding sex is always a turn off. It’s massively disrespectful. So tell him.

His medication needs to be lowered if he’s walking round with a permanent hard on. 😬

WhatFreshHell · 04/12/2023 21:20

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SmileyClare · 04/12/2023 21:28

What’s he taking? Testosterone? It needs lowering. He also needs to change his attitude and practice some self control.

There’s no excuse for following you around and grinding against you without consent.

He’s acting like a sex pest .

Of course you don’t want non stop sex for days on end.

NotEvenThought · 04/12/2023 21:35

itsmyp4rty · 04/12/2023 20:19

So he supposedly had a low sex drive until you had a face lift and lost weight. Miraculously his sex drive then suddenly went through the roof?
I'm not surprised you've got the ick.

To be fair to the DH it might be more to do with the OP now feeling happier and more confident in her looks rather than her actual looks.

OutlandInland · 04/12/2023 21:36

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Lovely comment 🙄

VeronicaSawyer89 · 04/12/2023 21:39

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Maybe to you. Other not-so shallow people don't have that problem.

Quitelikeit · 04/12/2023 21:40

Why look back and focus on that?

You’ve had an up do, look amazing and have stirred something in your husband

Yes you resented those years and you should make your feelings known on that matter then move forward or just stay in the past being miserable!

BalletBob · 04/12/2023 21:41

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Ah yes. It's a well known fact that no fat people are in happy, successful romantic relationships, what with being undesirable trolls and all 🙄

EtiennePalmiere · 04/12/2023 21:43

I can see why you would be upset, I would feel like just an object and like he didn't love me for me.

Outliers · 04/12/2023 21:46

Men are physical/visual. It sounds like you've made a greater investment into your appearance and this is the dividends.

I don't see the big deal.

jeaux90 · 04/12/2023 21:53

In fairness OP I am on testosterone as part of my HRT and my sex drive at 52 has had a resurgence. I'm now hoping my partner isn't irritated by it Confused