DH suddenly wants lots of sex after being almost celibate for a few years

[mindsetchange]

DH and I have always had mismatched sex drives. I had a high sex drive. His was low. I’ve spent many nights in bed looking at his back, yearning for sex. Fast forward to now, I’ve lost weight, had a face lift, I actually look amazing and he wants to jump my bones every 5 minutes. On the one hand that’s nice, but on the other, I feel like it’s too little too late. We had a few days of non stop sex, which was nice, but now I’m getting a bit bored of it. I’m 54, I just feel like he missed the boat so badly. I was desperate for sex in my 40s but he didn’t take it and now it’s just a bit too late or presumptuous to think he can just pick me up now like a toy that hasn’t been played with in years. I’m so shocked at my reaction to this. I thought if he had a turn around I’d jump on it, but now it’s happened I’m a bit Meh. And when I say he won’t leave me alone, I mean he follows me about, trying to snog me and grind on me , and I feel like screaming you’re 10 years too late to the party !

OP my husband takes these tablets too. I have put on weight and am a peri mess and he is always in the mood!! Like always!! He seems to think I am some sort of Goddess 🤣🤣So I wonder if it is that….if not I would have the ick too!

What did you do about this? Did you manage to find a happy medium?

He’s a fool. Can I ask about the facelift? How sore/long was recovery? Worth it?

@mindsetchange no we didn't find a happy medium, I'd say we've reached an impasse. He has stopped overdosing (imo) on sex-promoting meds and has since become quite unwell with Parkinson's so, for reasons related to that we live in relative harmony but sex-free. I'd gone along with what he wanted for years and eventually spoke up and said I would no longer do it, especially with his falsely created desire but was making me very unhappy.

Did you have an affair during that time he wasn't interested in sex ? And it's sad how it's worked out for you right now

At 64 I’ve got a good sex drive and my husbands is very attentive we cuddle a lot, that leads to sex once sometimes twice a week, at my age being physically attractive to my husband has got to be good.

Yes, more information about the face-lift please 😊

If he's following you around all the time snogging and grinding then this is not normal. My late OH was a bit like this but it was due to medication for neuro-degenerative disease - it drove me completely nuts - I felt as though I was under siege.

What you need is some happy medium; but sadly he has now induced the ick.

This is the problem with Viagra. It doesn't just solve a physical problem, it makes men horny. They like how that feels so they take more and keep taking it. Next thing you know, you are indeed being followed around and being presented with erections at all times all over the place.
My DH was originally like this due to Parkinson's medication, at the Dr's appointments it was mostly passed over with a nudge nudge wink wink, although they would openly ask about gambling and overspending which are also side effects of the medication. He then had the urge, but could not perform so was prescribed Viagra, without my knowledge, I found out why I was being pestered even more when he left a packet in his dressing gown pocket. I hate those adverts about erectile dysfunction. Solve the "problem" and everyone is happy, lucky women! Except we may not want sex whenever he feels like it (non stop) and we may not want that type of sex, with little emotion or respect. Rant over!

This is unfair on the partner .. if my DH piled on weight and didn't care for his body then I wouldn't fancy him either . I would still love him as that is completely different.

Sexual attraction is basic. In the beginning you wanted him sexually because his outward appearance attracted you ! If that changes then attraction changes its basic biology.

I say this as a woman in OPs position. I was slim and pretty. I put everything in to kids and ate too much . Not so attractive. Got hold of myself and reversed it . Sex came back .

We are animals with a primeval mating instinct. It can't be faked. He fancies you or he doesn't . (And vice versa - I wouldn't be sexually attracted in the same position) enjoy the fact you have it back and the work has been worth it to both your self esteem and your sex life !

So you never thought to lose weight in your 40s?

You are being a bit harsh op. I went through a patch of 'don't even think about coming near me' when the kids were little then restarted with quite a low drive until I hit 40 then bam! Super high overnight. DH was a bit 🤨🫤 but has adjusted. It wasn't anything to do with him. Just hormones.

Wtf

A friend was in a scenario where her husband was very disinterested in her for two years and then suddenly became interested again once she lost weight. It was devastating for her and something she never moved past. They did divorce. He never knew that for her that was a breaking point.

There are two conversations to be had here. 1) along the lines of 'what has been going on the last few years?' - even the little blue pill doesn't bring the libido back entirely (though additional story below) (2) can he stop acting like a sex starved teenager - it hasn't been how you two interact and you don't want a groin thrust in your back etc.

On the little blue pill, my husband gets ED, so has bought viagra. He has decided not to tell me when he is taking it as he doesn't want to ruin spontaneity. The problem is he takes it then expects his erecti0n to be used such is his delight in finally being solid again, regardless of whether or not I'm in the mood. So a chat is due in this household too.

Men.... such simple creatures

It has been scientifically proven that men are visual creatures. So you were a middle age woman who has presumably shelled out a couple of kids, not many women look their best after going through motherhood.

Now you've had a bit of time, given yourself a bit of TLC and worked on yourself (whether it was for you or for him is irrelevant), and he's noticed how good you look.

Are you telling me that if your DH was a bit porky, wrinkly, balding and generally a bit middle aged and 'meh' and then he joined a gym, got fit and started looking after himself you wouldn't experience an increase in your attraction to him? Of course you would!

The difference being that he;d probably lap it up, happy to get some attention while you seem to be looking for a reason to get at him now he's actually giving you what you admit you've spent a decade yearning for.

It has been scientifically proven that men are visual creatures.

😂 Not this claptrap.

Men are just quite shallow and their attraction to women is often based on desire and appearance. (Namalt obv).

Yes you're absolutely right, men are attracted to women (in large part) based on appearance. You've literally just called my comment claptrap then agreed with me. 😂

You seem to be confused, try to work out where you stand and then come back and try to form some kind of coherent argument instead of contradicting yourself.

Men are just quite shallow and their attraction to women is often based on desire and appearance.

I think women experience physical attraction based on a man's physical attractiveness, too. It's how we initially choose which man to have a sexual/romantic relationship with, most of the time. A bug ugly man can approach us and we won't usually be interested sexually/romantically, quite the opposite.

But that is just an aside really.

I can see why you have some resentment OP x

You’re the one who is confused, there is no scientific evidence that men are more “visual” than women. What does that even mean? One study found that women actually responded more powerfully to sexual visual stimuli than men, and that while men responded to straight sex, gay men responded to gay sex, women responded to all visual stimuli.

So, as I said “visual” and “science” is bollocks. Men are just more shallow.