To get down because other DC's are so high achieving.

[Greyskyrain]

Just that really. My DC is doing GCSES this year and will achieve mediocre results at best.
Everyone seems to have such high achieving children, both in real life and on mumsnet. Mums boasting about their genius DC has become the norm where I live.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Yes totally. My DS works harder now than 6 months ago and just got mostly 4s in his mocks. I’ve said to him that all I want is for him to try his best. He’s a lovely lad, responsible and thoughtful. Hard not to get caught up in the academics. I’m trying to encourage more of a work ethic than focusing on results. Hard though when everyone seems to be achieving 7+s.

I think the reality is, it's usually the ones that are high achieving that we hear about.
From personal experience, a relative was bursting at the beams when their dc1 got all 9s (excellent achievement- hard working student), but when it came to dc2 who achieved 'average' (don't want to dismiss the hard work and the results achieved), mum didn't say much- no social media post, nothing.

I have seen this and it’s awful.

Also sets a terribly unhealthy atmosphere of jealousy/superiority between the children.

No because DD is genuinely very academic, went to a very good school and worked very hard. But its not something that I broadcast, and I actually think her non-acadrmic friend who was horribly, horribly bullied throughout secondary, achieved more by getting good enough results to to get into her prefered university. Ignore the braggers and be happy with what your own children achieves. Academic brilliance isn't the be all and end all, and school is not kind to square pegs.

Trouble is you see the posts where someone tells an op that their dc shouldn't even contemplate A-Levels as their results are unlikely to be "stellar". You read on and that dc is on for 7s. Which is an A (roughly) in old money. What a ridiculous state of affairs.

So much store is set by these GCSE results, when they do not necessarily measure the qualities that future employers value, nor those that might lead to a child becoming a happy and socially aware adult. I told mine that they needed to try and do their best for their own satisfaction but that the results were not about their worth, but about how good they are at doing exams, which is not necessarily the most important thing about them.

Its not real life though. As another poster said, its the parents of the high achievers that boast. So that what you hear about.
Most of my friends have kids that are what I'd call low to middling. There's the odd high achiever. By that I mean 9s across the board. I have a low to middling and a moderately high achiever. I am not disheartened by the achievements of other peoples kids, because mine are doing bloody well by their own standards.

It is really frustrating because I have found it isn't really an indicator of 'being the best at life'. DS1 is exceptional at music (has a sponsorship to a music university) but has terrible mental health issues, they are the biggest battle in his life. DD is absolutely brilliant at a particular sport and quite academic but is really struggling hormonally with puberty. DS2 is probably the brightest of them all but doesn't apply it, he is doing his GCSE's this year and will be 'lucky' to get into 6th form but he is generally happy with his lot and honestly, I think that will be the case throughout his life. I'd rather have all three like DS2 if I am honest. What you achieve at school shouldn't be the indicator or measure of a good life lived or define you. I feel your sadness OP.

I hear you. My DS did his GCSEs last year and came out with 5s and 4s. There was talk of 3s and 6s but in the end he just passed everything with not much to spare.
He is doing BTECs as planned and no one is talking any more about GCSEs as those with good results are now doing tricky A Levels and everyone else is doing apprenticeships/college.
Record numbers failed maths and English last year. There were times when I thought he would be among them but he's not - and it shows that there are many mediocre kids out there that we are not hearing about.
So you are not alone, and at some point, it will not be so important. Sadly though, with the way education is set up here, it will be important for a while longer.

Just remember being academic isn't the most important thing by any stretch. I say that as the mother of an exceptionally academic child who is utterly delightful but who constantly has his head in the clouds and who needs supervision/assistance over simple things. I'm honestly wondering if he'll be able to get a job and then if he'd be and to hold it down. He's not at GCSEs yet but he'll get top marks I've no doubt, but whether it'll get him anywhere who knows 🤷

School life is such an incredibly small part of our overall life try not to worry too much about how he does. As long as he is happy you and he are doing well.

No matter how proud any parent can be when their children achieve those glittering qualifications, they will never be as happy as me when my son, finally and hopefully, masters his anxiety sufficiently to leave the house and work for a day.

DD did her GCSE'S last year, a lot of her friends didn't share their results. Which I found odd as we did at school. I think some where ashamed even if they received 6's (technically B's). Which is ridiculous DD is very much good at some things and not others so she got mixed results, average 6.8 yet college has still let her do 4 A-level's. I know she'll do it as unlike her younger brother she works really hard.

I don't think it's always about the end result but the amount of effort they put in. She's happy and very determined and that's what counts more.

I think it is the parents of 'high achievers' boasting. My DS is also working his socks off for his GCSE's but he is going to have to work really hard to get the grades for 6th form. He is also lovely, is interested in lots of things, is a good speaker and is very polite and sociable. It is frustrating that all those other qualities don't seem to matter when it comes to the GCSE's. I don't care if he gets 7's. I just want him to do his best and hopefully it will be enough for him not to have to do maths again and to get into another course. I agree it is really disheartening when people say 7's are too low to do A Levels, when a 7 is an old A. They don't know what they are talking about to a large extent. Once kids get over the hump of GCSE's which are awful and an exercise in memory retrieval in a lot of cases, no one really cares about anything apart from over grade 4 in English and maths. Once they do higher level qualifications English and Maths are the only ones that count. Kids mature, they change their minds about what they want to do, they thrive doing subjects they enjoy rather than struggling on with subjects they aren't interested in. All sorts of things happen after GCSES.

I actually did not boast about DS results, he is the child of a Professor and an academic librarian who we tutored at home to some extent with a bit of a Chinese upbringing as I’m mixed race had the odds stacked in his favour. No tiger parenting but much stricter than his white friends parents.

My parents really tried hard to not compare us. Not sure it entirely worked, but they did try. I'm the eldest, so had set the bar in that sense. I remember calling sis from uni to see how she'd done, and while it wasn't great, as she was, to be fair, a dosser who should really have stayed at school rather than been given the freedom of sixth form college, apparently my gran had ripped shreds off her for her results. So I phoned gran and tore shreds off her too, which sis appreciated. Sis has an MBA now and out earns me, and barely spoke to gran for the last years of her life. Way to ruin relationships .

Stop it.

What is great about your kid? What is their personality like? What's the funniest story about them? What's the kindest thing they've ever done? What makes them laugh?

Kids are just human beings and like the rest of us we are not the sum of our achievements. Even those high achieving kids have more interesting and loveable things about them than the fact they're on the netball team and get straight 9s, zzzzz

No and you shouldn't either. Celebrate your child and help them find the college course that is right for them, or apprenticeship. My DD will be lucky to get 4's and 5's in her GCSE's. She is struggling in English. That also drags down her results in other areas, ie teacher told her she would have got a 6 for her acting but writing drags it down to a 4.

But I don't compare her to others and don't give a shit what others say/think. I don't have time for pushy parents and bragging parents, but luckily I don't know anyone like that.

The school get great results but are only interested in the high achievers.

She will be taking a btech in Acting (has conditional offer dependent on results and audtion). Her skills lie in other areas, which are more creative.

Honestly - I know it’s cliche but please just focus on whether your child is happy.

I was extremely bright - literally got some of the top results in the whole country. Felt I had to pursue a ‘high flying career’ because I was pushed into it by my parents and became a surgeon. I fucking hated it. Hate it hate it hate. Suffered burn out and now on a prolonged career break so basically a SAHM.

my kids are only very young but I know see the value in just having happy healthy children.

I absolutely agree with what you say here. I am much happier that my DC has stable mental health, good friendships and a well balanced attitude to life than if they had been particularly high achieving but weren't the things mentioned above.

I think that MN does tend to attract people who are highly educated themselves and more likely to push their own DC.

Friends' children have been very mixed.

Isn’t the average eg normal grade for gcse a 5? So plenty of kids getting 5,4,3 etc. That makes your kid entirely normal.

The news etc doesn’t help when it’s all ‘record number of A*’

the highest earning people in my family are self made rather than ‘academic’. Everyone has plenty to offer whatever exams they pass.

I have a child who can’t attend school. I have learnt to protect myself by never comparing. Life is a long game!!

Thanks @ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea I honestly think you could have the highest amounts of cash, brains, looks and even luck but none of them are worth anything if you don't have the underpinning mental and physical health and well being. I desperately want that for my DC and it's the worst part of parenting when they don't have it.

have you ever played top trumps?

The person asking the question chooses the point to compare and there are 8 or so categories. So you pick the one at which you think you card is strongest...

So little Timmy...

is exceptionally organised
just got piano grade 6
is now volunteering with a local charity
works as a babysitter saving up money for uni
is predicted an 8 in such and such subject
now has a lovely girlfriend
has such a lot of friends]is learning how to cook
& goes to the gym 3 times a week

blah blah blah whatever - NO

Everybodies little "Timmy" has some things they're doing pretty good at and other areas where they are at least intermittently useless. Parents are picking out the thing that makes their kid seem good.

If you dare to privately admit weakness and you might be pleasantly surprised at how many parents join you sharing their concerns and worries.

There seem to be a few posts on this thread that are basically saying, ‘my child did really well but I don’t boast.’
Surely that’s double boasting, about your high achieving child AND your own lack of boastfulness? 🤔

Here is my opinion on academic capability of kids.

medicore is ideal. Not the best at any subject. It then doesn’t give them a “i’m better than you attitude”. It keeps them vaguely interested in doing ok, but accept that they don’t need to be “the best”. Academic brilliance is a memory game, not a test of how well you’ll survive in the real world.

Parents who boast are unlikeable idiots and trying to make themselves feel better. Ignore such twats. It’s embarrassing for them.

Any kids (now adults) in my class who were the bright sparks have all done very mediocrely average in life, nothing special or exceptional. Me who was perfectly average have far surpassed all expectations and career achievements. It’s fun to catch up sometimes cause honestly jaws have dropped.

Average in school is not a bad thing at all. Ensure you don’t peak too soon and then never meet your own expectations.