To get down because other DC's are so high achieving.

[Greyskyrain]

Just that really. My DC is doing GCSES this year and will achieve mediocre results at best.
Everyone seems to have such high achieving children, both in real life and on mumsnet. Mums boasting about their genius DC has become the norm where I live.

Does anyone else feel this way?

There's a lot more 'all 9s' children about if you listen to gossip than there are in real life, less than 2000 children got all 9s last year, so about 1 in every second school.

so you have a child who is doing average in their GCSEs and that is getting you down? Seriously, you need help.

Mine has severe learning difficulties and will need lifelong 24/7 care so my view might be clouded. But it is hard to get my head around with what other parents find disappointing! I hope your child has at least some other redeeming qualities (kind, caring funny etc). I don't understand why you would reduce your child to an academic achievement? bonkers, your poor DC :(

I'm going through that too. My ds didn't even sit his GCSE's because of anxiety.

Count your blessings op.
An average, healthy kid who will get GCSE grades isn't something to feel aggrieved about. Quite the opposite.

I think that some parents are trying to live their lives through their kid's. They push their kids into certain courses because they did not go to university themselves. Then they boast that their child got X GCSE, got so many a levels and are on y course.
Unless their children are naturally good in school, work hard and stay on top of the work load in university they won't get through university exams. I currently know 2 bright kids on hard university course and they said their work load is high and they can't afford to get lazy or leave things to do at the last minute otherwise they won't pass assignments or exams.

The parents that are telling you now about the great results may not be doing the same in the next few years. When you hear the bragging now just ask them after the A levels how their child did or ask what university they are going to.

A lot of parents will keep quite about their child if they are not good in school. You won't here either if they are the class clown or the school bully. Ask kids in their class and you find out what the child is really like.

I have also known several kids that would not have looked great on paper or have been regarded as average and yet they have ended up as very successful adults.
I know one lady who now has a degree and master's and a very senior role where she works.
She has done better than her friends who had better a level results and marks when they all started out. She was always good with people but she worked hard. She took on extra training and courses and was recognised for all the work she put in.

I think that some parents are trying to live their lives through their kid's. They push their kids into certain courses because they did not go to university themselves. Then they boast that their child got X GCSE, got so many a levels and are on y course.
Unless their children are naturally good in school, work hard and stay on top of the work load in university they won't get through university exams. I currently know 2 bright kids on hard university course and they said their work load is high and they can't afford to get lazy or leave things to do at the last minute otherwise they won't pass assignments or exams.

The parents that are telling you now about the great results may not be doing the same in the next few years. When you hear the bragging now just ask them after the A levels how their child did or ask what university they are going to.

A lot of parents will keep quite about their child if they are not good in school. You won't here either if they are the class clown or the school bully. Ask kids in their class and you find out what the child is really like.

I have also known several kids that would not have looked great on paper or have been regarded as average and yet they have ended up as very successful adults.
I know one lady who now has a degree and master's and a very senior role where she works.
She has done better than her friends who had better a level results and marks when they all started out. She was always good with people but she worked hard. She took on extra training and courses and was recognised for all the work she put in.

I think its more the worry that they will be competing for jobs with this plethora of apparently 'genius' kids who get 9's across the board, when we are then told that unless they are getting 7-9 in GCSE they will struggle with A Levels and not get into University. I know that is not true but it is still a worry if you have a child who is not getting 9's and is going to get average GCSES. I know of young people who got excellent GCSE grades ( one all 9's who then had a breakdown) but dropped out of university or A Levels and changed direction. Its not the be all and end all, but it does seem sometimes that because the people who boast are the only ones who publicise their DC's 9's across the board that your kid is going to be the only one not, when obviously that is not true.

As someone who works in third level education, long term, the students that do best are often the solid, conscientious hard working ones, who are often average at secondary school but come into their own when they study at third level, at depth.

Even where students don't go to university, the attributes about working meaningfully & in a measured way will serve them well in work and life.

Many (of course not all) high-flyers struggle when they meet an unexpected obstacle in further studies or work.

Your DS is doing great - and will be fine!

Be sure to drive home to your kids that being successful in life doesn’t necessarily follow high exam grades, being top dog at something or earning gazillions.

Tell them that success is about personal contentment. Everyone struggles with something at sometime.

I think it’s also important to try and be happy for the all ‘A’ grade kids - because, like others have said, there is often an anxiety pay off to it. Come off social media, op, if it’s making you feel inadequate.

I bet your kids are average and wonderful.

My cousins are 10 years younger than me and were very academically gifted at school.
My aunt would brag about this to anyone and everyone however they are now in their early 20s and neither of them have a permanent job. They cannot hold anything down and their social skills are zero.
I honestly believe my aunt put so much focus on their academics that now they are out of that part of life, they just cannot cope with the real world.

I hear you OP. I got pissed off at people agonizing about their kids only getting a 6 or 7 instead of 9s whilst my son was going to be lucky to get a four. He got 7 fours and a six and is now at college doing an entry level city and guilds in engineering and couldn't be happier or more motivated (unlike when he was at school). And with a real career path. And A Levels? The school offered him Music and IT A Levels only... Well that would have been a fairly useless mix for him as he had no interest in either and he didn't want to spend another day there anyway.

They'll be ok OP. But yes it's pissing annoying x

DD’s best friend is very academic and has worked hard and does well in life. She was a positive influence on dd who worked hard too to try and keep up. Dd could never have had a similar career to bf but was encouraged by bf to study what she is good at.
Bf’s dm did and still does boast about her dd, however she’s a lovely person on the whole. And she’s always been lovely to and about dd.

Whilst academic dc still have to study they are very fortunate to have a gift which is a pure accident of birth.
My db is very highly intelligent and a scientist who has presented papers at conferences. However his emotional intelligence is low and his ex wife bullied him throughout their marriage. He rarely rings or visits our elderly parents and seems to struggle with relationships.
I’d much sooner be me.

Cheered me up this thread as remembered I didn’t do that well at school. I failed a couple of o levels and had to resit. Found what I was good at it in life and it worked out.

My child is average but it genuinely never fazes me I only think of it when I see people mention it mainly on forums

They are a good person and that really is enough for me

Hypocrite. A post shaming those who boast but doing exactly that!

I have (now adults) at both ends of the academic spectrum.
Eldest... 'high flyer' top grades at GCSE and A level.. off to med school etc. Yes very bright, but along with it came anxiety, absolute perfectionism, and anorexia. We didn't put any pressure on her.. she is just that personality.

Youngest.. no gcses whatsoever, special school. Has held a full time job for 7 years since leaving school and has more savings that I ever will I do feel sad that he's unlikely to ever marry or leave home, but I am incredibly proud of what he has achieved, as is his high flying sister!

DS1 was very average at school..scraped through. Yet he's living a great life in |Australia! Grades are not everything!!

@Greyskyrain

The older I get, the less I think it’s about academics and joining the rat race. It’s more to do with happiness and making a positive contribution. My brother was a very high achiever. I rarely see him now, but when I do he seems constantly stressed, overweight, medical issues.

I think it’s about seeking the positive experiences and joy out of life. Which are more important than a high earning, stressful life - which might give you a big house and lots of material wealth : but are you ultimately happy?

Look I worked in a shop where every single shop assistant had at least one degree. The shop was owned by someone without GCSE's. He had started with a market stall, now a millionaire. Academic success is only really important if you want to work as an academic.

I know someone who was He ad Boy but flunked his A Levels because of it[and girlfriend].
I could tell you other stories as well.

So yes, count your blessings.

People can go far[if that is what you are most concerned about] if they are reliable, punctual and all those other things.

One of my DC is very academic and the other has dyslexia and found school a struggle.

They have both done well in different fields. I think soft skills and the ability to work with others are far more important in the world of work.

No one will care about their GCSE results a few years down the line.

I loathe the comparing , I had it all my childhood from my mother.
I never, ever did it with my DCs, so long as they did their best that was all that mattered. They are both doing very well as adults and are lovely people too which is what really matters.

I've got one son who's very bright and could coast academic subjects - but finds it hard to apply himself. Another one who isn't so bright but does okay. The latter one is doing really well at work because he applies himself and never upsets anyone. The other one is still at uni but I think he might find the working environment harder as he's a bit of a free spirit.

No point in boasting about them. I'm proud of both of them but nothing to do with academic work, much more that they're decent human beings.

The point is that academic success isn't the key to a happy life necessarily. I'm one of those that was bright at school (ended up flunking but that's a long story!) and have had a pretty mediocre work life, although pretty happy now with what I'm doing. Being personable is far more important in a work context.

Also those parents that live through their children's achievements can see it backfire if they end up dropping out because of the pressure or resenting them for pushing them through it.

There's more to life than exam results. Not all kids are academic. Not all adults will go on to have dazzling careers. I certainly didn't but have still created a lovely life for myself and have had success in other ways.

As long as your child does THEIR best that's really what matters. Encourage them, support them, celebrate THEIR victories, and prepare them to be decent, caring and well rounded humans. Exam results do matter for some careers, undeniably, but there's loads of folk with mediocre results who just did their best to find a job/career that suits them and who are no less happy than the school 'high achievers'.

Just remember school isn't always the best place to bring out learning. I know that my daughter who goes to a mixed comp is endlessly distracted by the incessant bickering of her friendship group and other pupils who are a handful. I do worry this is a distraction that will affect her results.
There's always college and other pathways to good careers/jobs and a decent income.