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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell you the spot on thing DH just said

85 replies

Tiamaria86 · 03/12/2023 22:31

My mum wanted me to clear out some of my stuff from her spare room over the weekend. I came across a load of photos from when I was about 18.

I showed DH and said God can you believe I used to worry how I looked back then! I'd kill to look like that now!

He said, but you still worry now even though you look great. You hate getting your picture taken. In another 20 years you'll look back at photos and think the same so why can't you just embrace your looks?

He's right! Why can't I embrace my looks?! I really wish I could but I definitely worry about it more than I should.

OP posts:

JudgeJ · 04/12/2023 12:49

ShirleyPhallus · 03/12/2023 22:59

Christ 🙄

Show quote history

My advice to the poor man would be, in MN terms LTB.

JaxiiTaxii · 04/12/2023 12:50

I've never really understood the camera shy thing.

You show that face to hundreds of people every week, at the shop, at work, school run, on teams calls, walking down the street...

The only people who will look at photos of you (assuming you don't post them on SM) are people who want to recall times spent with you or hear about something you did.

You are who you are. Hiding from a photo changes nothing.

But I do agree - I look at photos of myself from 20 years ago & I was lovely. Turns out my obsession with being fat was never really about my weight. I'm sure I'll be as happy with my photos of my 40's when I'm in my 60's.

Original poster

Tiamaria86 · 04/12/2023 12:51

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/12/2023 12:37

I feel exactly the same OP, I remember years ago at that kind of age getting ready to go out and feeling awful, and nothing but hatred for myself and the way I looked - and now I look back at pictures and wonder what I worried about.

And yes....just like you I am still the same now 😂 I'm mid- late 30's and I think sadly I was brought up at the peak of diet culture and the size zero trend where women were trained to hate their bodies! I'm super conscious of how I talk about myself and my appearance around my young daughter now.

Yes I am definitely the same and I always remember Mum being on a diet as well. Slimfast, weight watchers, the special k diet! Which is crazy because she never needed to diet!

OP posts:

Ulysees · 04/12/2023 12:56

@DoIReallyNeedToDoThis thanks.

A thing I've just remembered. I used to do hair for a couple of models. They convinced me to go for a meeting with the model agency boss. She told me to lose my stomach she could see in a photo.. It was the roll of skin when you lean forward. She showed me umpteen photos of models with no stomach. Thank goodness I had the sense not to listen. No wonder models etc end up anorexic. My mum went mad. I did still get some work but didn't chase it. I had a full time job anyway.

Coyoacan · 04/12/2023 15:16

fairygalaxy · 03/12/2023 22:40

If my husband said that to me I'd think he was being patronising and mansplaining aging to me or something

Whao, husbands can never win

JenniferJuniper80 · 04/12/2023 15:21

There's a saying.

Youth is wasted on the young.

Even at 90+ you'll look back at 70 and say "wow, how young was I then?"

Enjoy what you are.

blobby10 · 04/12/2023 15:37

I realised this about myself a few years ago! In my early 20s I was really slim, fit, active, toned and felt huge because I was 11 stones and my friend who was the same height (5ft 9) was only 9.5 stones. I spent the next 30 years hating my body and face at whatever stage it was at, yet now looking back at photos of even 10 years ago, I wasn't fat in the slightest!! And now I AM fat, and old and not pretty at all, I wish I could have had just a little bit of self confidence in those days.

fairygalaxy · 04/12/2023 17:34

JudgeJ · 04/12/2023 12:49

My advice to the poor man would be, in MN terms LTB.

Show quote history

There are others who agree with me but you've all probably scared them odd posting

Comtesse · 04/12/2023 17:41

These are the good times OP, right here and now! Your DH is quite right!

lljkk · 04/12/2023 20:49

Pfffftt... I've said the equivalent thing to MNers many times, more or less, & still got hollered at. Nothing I do makes my elderly dad hear this wisdom, either. "Stop complaining & instead realise all the good things you have now but might not have in future."

I'm glad you're seeing sense, OP.

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