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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my husband's prepping?

129 replies

Laura199 · 02/12/2023 20:04

My DH is a prepper. He has tins of food stockpiled in our pantry to last for years. He knows I'm not really on board with it, but each to their own and I'm fine with jt as long as it doesn't impact on our household finances/ life/ space.

I also think we should be rotating his "stockpile" and not leaving things there for years. He says all of his tins are fine for 30 years.

He buys things we don't eat like tinned chicken??? And army ration packs (we have a full suitcase of this).

He's just had a delivery this evening of another 100 tins of food. We have no space for this and I'm at the end of my tether. Aibu??

OP posts:
garlictwist · 03/12/2023 07:47

This is weird. We have a joke emergency value rice pudding that my DH brought with us from our old flat when we moved and is now nearing 10 years old but given we didn't even crack it open in the pandemic I think that we never will. Your DH needs help.

Kittylala · 03/12/2023 07:48

Gift him a canning machine and veggie seeds - should keep him busy outside at least!

smilesup · 03/12/2023 07:59

PencilsInSpace · 03/12/2023 02:34

In early 2020 the world was going mad and I was sitting down enjoying my stocks (and quite a few cat naps 😃)

As others have said though, OP, your DH is doing it wrong.

Show quote history

In 2020 I went to the shops and bought a big bag of rice, lentils and some loo roll on top of a normal shop. It wasn't as if we had seconds to grab stuff.
At no point did we run out of anything. Any preppers must have really been a bit disappointed.

ironixallyenough · 03/12/2023 08:06

I'm not a prepper but I do have a good supply of tinned goods and other staples tucked away. I reckon there's a couple of months' worth so I'm now just rotating and not adding anything further to it.

Many of us live week by week when it comes to food and I think lockdown showed us how unstable our food supply can be. I don't think it's a bad principle to have extra BUT, in your DH's case it sounds as though it's anxiety related. Is he part of a 'prepping community' (online) which might somehow be fuelling his feelings?

HamsterBanana · 03/12/2023 08:08

You should still rotate it. I have about a months worth in my cupboard (after lockdown and the shop's literally having no food sometimes you just need a reassurance!) but I always rotate it.

Sounds like he has a bit of a problem and could do with a therapist,

IcedCoffeeLoverh3 · 03/12/2023 08:23

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/12/2023 20:17

Er, he sounds unwell. Does he have any other mental health issues?

Have you confronted him about the fact this is very abnormal?

Saying he is unwell is a bit of a stretch. Have you been watching the news? Have you seen what's going on in other countries?

He sounds frightened, not unwell

I know people who have been putting food away for a catastrophe and although I havnt ( I'm poor 😂 ) I can see why people would want to prepare, just in case

thankyouforthedayz · 03/12/2023 08:31

I was a bit depressed a few years ago and did a bit of prepping. I only bought foods that we eat so we could rotate. There was more choice than I expected - we like tinned fish, corned beef and fruit as well as tomato, beans etc. We like M&S tinned ready meals for camping and youth hosteling. Would he compromise and only buy foods you will eat under normal circumstances?

Nonplusultra · 03/12/2023 08:39

It’s meeting a need for him, and if you can figure that out you might be able to find some leverage.

Anxiety is an obvious reason - we’re living in a time of unprecedented change. Prepping gives a sense of control. You might be able to redirect the buying into different types of prepping. Nothing wrong with increasing your sustainability by gardening, adding solar panels.

He’s probably in some online groups and getting a hefty dose of community, validation and encouragement. We all need those things - what are his rl social circles like? Getting an allotment might help ease him back into the real world if that’s a problem.

I would encourage him onto MN prep board - maybe ask his opinion on a post or thread. It helps hugely to speak out loud to another person in real life - things that seem completely rational in your head or online can crumble when you’re speaking to an actual human in front of you. I’m not suggesting you attack his ideas - but an occasional puzzled question will help. The MN board is sensible and lightweight compared to prepping elsewhere - and while there are a few serious preppers, a lot of people are just keeping a couple of months supplies in, buying ahead of price hikes and keeping abreast of the weather. It’s real world stuff.

I’d definitely open a few of the cans - maybe suggest you do a weekend trial run only eating that food and see how well he tolerates it. Keep bringing it back to reality.

Lex345 · 03/12/2023 08:42

ironixallyenough · 03/12/2023 08:06

I'm not a prepper but I do have a good supply of tinned goods and other staples tucked away. I reckon there's a couple of months' worth so I'm now just rotating and not adding anything further to it.

Many of us live week by week when it comes to food and I think lockdown showed us how unstable our food supply can be. I don't think it's a bad principle to have extra BUT, in your DH's case it sounds as though it's anxiety related. Is he part of a 'prepping community' (online) which might somehow be fuelling his feelings?

Yes us too! I wouldn't describe myself as a proper prepper, but we do have a good stock of long life foods that we would use anyway I constantly rotate in/out. For me, its more about expected events, like heavy snow/illness/big necessary purchases reducing food budget/short term shortages/price bumps in the things I buy a lot of.

If you don't use the items he is stock piling OP its actually pretty wasteful of him-would he be open to donating some of his stash to a food bank and then starting afresh gradually with things you can actually rotate? I'm assuming he is prepping for some kind of doomsday type scenario because of what you said he is hoarding-which of course is possible, but not very likely.

I think I would be focusing on why he feels the need to do this in such volume all of a sudden, because it does sound like it is spiralling a bit.

Oblomov23 · 03/12/2023 08:52

It's always a good idea to check all your food, perishables and non-perishables, tins in the cupboard. Rotate them use them up, things in the freezer. Check the dates use them eat them. This is all sensible. Your husband is being ridiculous.

Snowdogsmitten · 03/12/2023 09:00

A relatively small supply of the canned food that lasts 30 years costs upwards of £2,000. I hope to fuck he hasn’t spent that. Family money being spanked on his desperate anxiety is a pretty awful situation.

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/12/2023 09:01

Am I the only person to be a bit disturbed by the way people are talking about prepping as if it was absolutely normal and healthy?

I've just read dozens of people talk about hoarding tins to protect themselves from a nuclear holocaust. It's not rational. If there's a nuclear holocaust, having 500 mouldy tins of baked beans ain't going to help you.

Why are people indulging this? It's a form of mental illness, not something to be honed and optimised.

startquitting · 03/12/2023 09:07

He is doing it wrong not rotating it.

Where I live our Government have sent out brochures for many years with prepping lists of things we are expected to have at home at all times. We are not only responsible for ourselves, but also for neighbours and friends. It’s quite s lot of food and water. Very sensible actually.

kneehightoacat · 03/12/2023 09:21

Sounds a bit obsessive

Tukmgru · 03/12/2023 09:29

So prepping is often linked to mental health issues, sorry to say. It can be low level anxiety or paranoia but the prepping itself can lead to it spiralling. This isn’t everyone, and some preppers are genuine don’t get me wrong…but to ask some questions that should be obvious to anyone serious about planning for crises/the end of the world as we know it:

  • Have you got cold weather, wet weather and hot weather gear? Have you got multiples of these?
  • Where is your emergency car? Do you regularly get it serviced?
  • Have you got your pilot’s license yet? Have you moved close to / own an airfield?
  • Do you do drills, and if not why not?
  • What about nutrition beyond canned meat. Vitamin supplements? Last thing you want is to divide the apocalypse and then die of scurvy.
  • are you stockpiling tin openers, alongside the tins…?
Thepeopleversuswork · 03/12/2023 09:46

@IcedCoffeeLoverh3

Saying he is unwell is a bit of a stretch. Have you been watching the news? Have you seen what's going on in other countries?

I do watch the news. Why is what's happening now any worse than it has been at any point in the last 100 years? There are frightening things happening in the world for sure and have been since the dawn of time.

But the idea that a bloke hoarding tinned beef in the UK will have an impact on war in the Middle East or Ukraine is frankly quite bonkers. With great kindness, anyone who thinks they can control frightening world incidents by buying lots of tinned food is not behaving rationally.

Preppers usually turn out to be suffering from anxiety. It's not a healthy way to live at all. The OP should be encourage to get her husband to get some professional help, rather than being given sell-by dates for tins.

Snowdogsmitten · 03/12/2023 09:50

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/12/2023 09:01

Am I the only person to be a bit disturbed by the way people are talking about prepping as if it was absolutely normal and healthy?

I've just read dozens of people talk about hoarding tins to protect themselves from a nuclear holocaust. It's not rational. If there's a nuclear holocaust, having 500 mouldy tins of baked beans ain't going to help you.

Why are people indulging this? It's a form of mental illness, not something to be honed and optimised.

Am I the only person to be a bit disturbed by the way people are talking about prepping as if it was absolutely normal and healthy?

No. No you’re not. 😵‍💫 I’m quite shocked.

Ariela · 03/12/2023 09:52

I'd go through it all on the guise of rotating. Anything coming up to within a couple of months of BB date, I would filter out to the foodbank (they won't take past the sell by date). I'd pile up the past sell by date stuff and use anything you can then delegate problem remainder to your DH.

user1471538283 · 03/12/2023 09:56

I do not prep as such but I like to have some stocks in especially when things are on offer. But I have the space and money for these.

It sounds like anxiety which I understand. His prepping gives him a sense of control. But in prepping like this for the future he is ruining living now. Maybe his prepping is making his anxiety worse so he then preps more. How much will be enough?

Maybe this has become an addiction as well. And like all addiction it's making him and his family miserable.

It sounds like he needs help and support to get it under control

Caroparo52 · 03/12/2023 09:59

I volunteer at local foodbank. We have to throw out anything out of date. Great idea to donate anything still on date though.

BrieAndChilli · 03/12/2023 10:14

I opened a ton of potatoes that were about 2 years past thier date. They were a slight blush/green colour. No way would I have eaten them.

greencheetah · 03/12/2023 10:30

I agree with PP. This is a MH issue he needs help with.

If he refuses help then I would probably leave. It’s a depressing way to live, and a dreadful waste of family resources.

itsmyp4rty · 03/12/2023 10:51

Who eats canned meat unless you really really have to? Same for most canned veg with the exception of sweetcorn. Pulses, fine.

Personally if I had to store what I eat and eat what I store - well the freezer would be full and I'd just have some tinned sweetcorn and beans. I like my food fresh!

I wouldn't want to live like that OP, it's obviously a MH issue - like hoarding. It tends to be quite obsessive compulsive and I would anticipate that it's only going to get worse and worse.

I would also worry that he could get very angry if you try to get rid of anything - or he will insist on replacing it all which could get very expensive. He needs to get help, you can't solve this.

Fionaville · 03/12/2023 11:30

chappoi · 03/12/2023 03:19

That's good though being prepared for actual life having a back up of can't get to shops or like Covid happens. This other prepper is spending money and time to plan for a future life that probably won't happen. But ruins their actual life.
To me if a nuclear attack happens however prepared you are the food only lasts a few weeks and it's no life. I'd rather live now happily and die before starving on rations in an apocalypse

Show quote history

I agree. In a nuclear attack I think I'd prefer instant death! But then I did grow up in the 80s watching kids films about nuclear war like 'Where the wind blows'
I think prepping should just be enough to get you through a couple of months of disruption. If the world is ending or going full Mad max/Dawn of the dead, you'd be better off going quick!

Yetmorebeanstocount · 03/12/2023 11:57

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/12/2023 09:01

Am I the only person to be a bit disturbed by the way people are talking about prepping as if it was absolutely normal and healthy?

I've just read dozens of people talk about hoarding tins to protect themselves from a nuclear holocaust. It's not rational. If there's a nuclear holocaust, having 500 mouldy tins of baked beans ain't going to help you.

Why are people indulging this? It's a form of mental illness, not something to be honed and optimised.

I've just read dozens of people talk about hoarding tins to protect themselves from a nuclear holocaust.

Do you mean you have just read that on this thread? Because if so you are exaggerating to the point of absurdity.

Prepping is mostly about normal, every-year emergencies: floods, power cuts, etc. The things that happen to someone in this country every year.

It is also about personal crises - if you lost your job, or your sibling and their family got evicted and came to live with you, it would help if you had a good supply of food in the house.

Plus of course regularly buying in bulk is a way of beating inflation. That jar of peanut butter on your shelf that you bought six months ago on a special offer is cheaper than the jar in the supermarket now.

But as I said before, it doesn't appeal to everyone, and it is not compulsory.