If social contact results in higher longevity, what about introverts?

[malificent7]

Or those with toxic family?
Watching the blue zones with interest.
I am in awe of those people in the med socialising with generations of family.

I am in introvert with. difficult family. Luckily I have a lovely dh and I do have great colleagues atm. I love me time though.
Am i going to live a shorter life if I don't want to socialise as much and prefer distance from family?
In the past I had toxic friends, does socialising with them shorten life!?

It's part of it, not the be all and end all.

There are many other factors that dictate how long you live for.

Good question OP. I have few friends and only a small family. I don't make friends easily and I am not sociable, especially after giving up alcohol. God, I sound a laugh don't I 😂

It's not necessarily the family you were born in to. And I think feeling connected to society also helps. Having something to care for (even a plants). Feeling that you are still a worthwhile, valuable member of the community, even if that community is just one person and a clowder of cats!

Don't believe everything you read, OP. It probably depends more on how happy you are. If quieter pursuits and your own company make you happy, that's all you need, surely?

A great uncle of mine is 89 years old now. Never married, lives alone, doesn't socialise just does things on his own mostly apart from visiting us now and then. Likes his garden, reading, music, TV, a quiet life. Everyone is different. He is hale and hearty and goes sea swimming at 6 am alone every morning at his age, fantastic!

Everyone is different, and I often feel that the pressure to "conform" to what is seen as a so called "normal" lifestyle of socialising and all that, actually makes some people ill and uncomfortable, as it is not in their make up at all.

Uncle Joe is a testament to doing your own thing and F the begrudgers. He's a nice kind man too, but very quiet and shy. Just thought I'd throw that in.

An introvert can still enjoy social contact and get all the benefits she needs from it - but social contact on the level that is satisfying for her.

Social contact does not have to be raucous fun and massive chitchat. Even sitting in contented, companionable silence is social contact.

I recently read a study that showed that a visit/ outing with friends or family once a month showed improved longevity. More contact didn’t add to that even though it might well have made them happier or been enjoyable.

So it’s not necessary to be out and about being a social butterfly. You have human contact. Real social isolation is very harmful indeed.

I’m an introvert. I retired 5 years ago
i make a big effort to join things around hobbies and keeping fit. That gets me out the house and socialising at least 2 times per week, and in some weeks it is 4 times a week. Most sesssions last 2-3 hours
form that I’ve expanded my social circle so now have a good group of friends and we go out or pop round each others.
i also moved closer to family and have that family popping over for a cuppa or to have tea (dinner) with me
I interact in much more meaningful ways then I did when I was working. Yes, it was hard forcing myself to mix, but I’m not going out to parties, meeting lots of new people at once, so I can cope with it fine
the rest of my time I spend on my hobbies and set meaningful goals of what I’m going to do going forward so I’m busy and feel like I’m achieving something

I also absolutely ensure that I keep a good sleep habit - even though I mostly only manage 4 hours at a stretch, I make sure I read a bit or listen to radio after my part 1 sleep, and then go back to sleep again after an hours interlude . Being retired means I can do that and not get up at crack of dawn.

moving is the hardest thing I find. I do go for walks, but always found exercise boring. So that’s the bit I struggle most with.

but no, as an introvert you’re not going to die younger, you just need to adapt how you interest with others. You do not need to force yourself into things you hate, start small with just one activivty and build up. Friendships tend to come naturally out of that, and introverts do best with a few close relationships rather than lots and lots of casual friends.

That’s interesting. I definitely am an introvert but prefer to have lots of casual friends, I find close friendships stifling.

It's hard to put a pin in contentment. I don't think a great social life is it, more about genuine connections. Introverts can have those. Sharing, emotional connection and of course being happy in yourself. Being lonely, being insecure and unhappy are negative, impacting on health be that mental and or physical but introverts aren't necessarily those things.

The issue is what people think are introverts. An introvert can enjoy social contact they just need large amounts of time to recharge their batteries. I am most definitely in this camp I don’t want to be alone I just need that quiet time after interacting.

It's one of several factors in a broader mix, not binary. And it doesn't require your social contact to be with your birth, nuclear or extended family and certainly doesn't require you to put up with toxic relatives.

A lot of people find prolonged social contact very difficult, which I sympathise with. And tons of "introverts" (most of whom are not actually introverts at all but people with social anxiety) will be along shortly to tell you how much they hate people and that their life is improved by not seeing anyone for months on end.

But I do think that having a well chosen network of some people upon whom you can depend and who you trust, other than your partner and children, is life enhancing, helps with mental health and probably prolongs your healthy life. Everyone needs some degree of social contact sometimes, people need connection and everyone needs an alternative perspective from time to time.

Mn misunderstands introversion as misanthropy. I am quite introverted — I
love socialising, my friendships are longterm and very important to me, and I’m always open to new ones, but I need a lot of solo downtime to recharge.

The Mn idea of extroversion as loud, bubbly talkative types always out on the town with a posse, and introverts as timid, shy, silent types who never leave the house is completely inaccurate. It’s perfectly possible to be an introvert and have good friendships and a social life.

I remember reading in a book that the warmth of relationships is one of the biggest factors in longevity. So not how many friends/family relationships you have or how often you see them, but how loving and caring you are towards each other. I do wonder whether this is a subconscious or conscious thing as there is a big difference between being alone (which many people enjoy, not just introverts) and being lonely (which can happen even if you have a partner and lots of friends)

I’d say isolation is detrimental rather than socialising is healthy.

Some people gradually become isolated and end up with no one to call on in an emergency, no one to say Happy Birthday, no one to tell news to- indeed, no news. That’s unhealthy.

Introverts that have a couple of close friends/relatives or prefer not to go busy places but can discuss the weather with the greengrocer are fine.

My BiL works but has no life beyond work and family (parents, siblings). He’s happy. At some point he’ll stop work, his parents will die, his siblings are equally introverted so he won’t see them much. At that point I think he’s at risk of being isolated. He’s thinking of getting a dog when he retires which would be a good idea, but… he knows nothing about dogs or buying dogs, and is thinking about a German Shepherd. And because he’s insular, there’s no one except me to tell him that’s a bad idea.

I worry about DH and DS1 if I die first. DS2 has been primed.

I think Uncle Joe should write a book. He sounds brilliant, and is living a life a lot of people dream of (me). It would be a bestseller!

I suspect introverts are less affected by the negative effects of isolation. It hits hardest on those that crave company. I think you saw that a lot in lockdown.

Yes.
Living with someone, whatever our relationship, would be the stuff of nightmares for me because they’d be in my home and I couldn’t expect them to leave. I’ve tried it. Never again.

But I love having friends & family round, visiting them or going places together.

Yeah, I'd say it's loneliness that's the issue; lack of social contact as a preference is altogether different.

For introverts, I imagine unwanted social contact is equally damaging. I certainly find it stressful, but we don't hear about that. It comes down to economics, society wants us out there earning and spending. Gremlins like me are no use to the powers that be 😅 Enjoy your nights in OP and don't let anyone tell you what's good for you.

My maternal grandmother spent most of her time on her own. She lost her husband at 65, never remarried and died at 85 due to never recovering after a hip surgery, otherwise I am pretty sure she could have lived longer. The only close relationships she had were with her sisters and my mom. She never enjoyed socialising, having friends or travelling, however she was quite happy.
She was quite health-conscious and she followed a strict diet at doctor's recommendation so perhaps food was also a factor.

We have more time for running and the gym so it all balances out 😁. I hope

Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re a hermit.

I’m an introvert. I have plenty of friends and socialise regularly. I just need to recharge with some alone time.

Yes, this. I spend time with friends and family, but then at some point I need time alone. Sometimes that's a few hours and sometimes a day. Especially if I've been on trips or holidays away, I need a day or two alone afterwards.

I will, partly for this reason, never live with anyone again.

Longevity is enhanced by positive connection but people have different needs of socialisation and differing degrees of comfort in their own space.

The focus on being an introvert and conflating that with aversion to other people is, I suspect, more evident on Mumsnet than in wider life.

The research is pretty clear.

Having said that, introverts can be socially connected too, even if it's with a smaller group.