My life has fallen apart

Keepingthingsinteresting · 02/12/2023 08:04

So sorry to hear you’re struggling @Cliffedged . It is totally possible to turn things around- it was not be the same life but it can be good.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 02/12/2023 08:13

I just want to reach out and say you're not alone - in the same boat after my DP died unexpectedly in January 2022.

I'm 54. Today is the 7th birthday of the business we started together. I launched my closing down sale yesterday. My rented home is on the market. My life has turned into a complete car crash.

I'm trying to sell everything I can and then I'm moving to Glastonbury which was our long term retirement plan anyway.

When I left my controlling and unpleasant ex husband at 42 I had to start over with nothing 12 years ago. So that's the hope I have to offer you. I've done it once, I'll do it again. While I'm a natural cynic, and toxic positivity makes my teeth itch I take the "survival out of spite" attitude.

I truly thought back then my life was over. Then I met my true soul mate and had a life of love and excitement that I could never have dreamed of. Obviously that's all over now. But I'm trying to think about my new freedom. I have no dependents other than my cat, so sod it, I put on Rage Against the Machine and yell "Fuck you i won't do what you tell me" at the Universe.

I find energy in anger, and if I burn a few bridges to get where I'm going so be it. I've spent years trying to please everyone, nurture everyone and "do the right thing,"
Well its my turn now.

So while I can't offer you much, I offer solidarity and have no doubt that you have reserves of untapped strength and potential that will appear when you least expect it. And I've been drunk and hopeless and wailing on my kitchen floor periodically so don't for one minute think I'm some sort of super human - I'm as flawed as the next person.

Take all the small steps you can - Step Change for unmanageable debt for example. Counselling if you need it ( though that takes a while ). Remember how much you have already survived and owe it to yourself to find anything that keeps you moving forward. Anything that brings you joy and comfort.

I wish you all the best moving forward i truly do. Huge unMumsnetty hugs as well. Take the very best care of yourself - you deserve nothing less.

Livedandlearned · 02/12/2023 08:23

It's not too late to try. I too have been through awful situations and come out the other side.

Get some support from Stepchange and make today the start of a new life.

Livelovebehappy · 02/12/2023 09:16

It’s really not too late OP. Stay strong and positive. I lost my house when 40 due to separation. Had no money. Hated my job. Had two young children. Moved into rented hovel. Now 50’s, and got back on the housing ladder three years ago, and in a job I love. Life is good. Sending positive vibes.

Original poster

Cliffedged · 02/12/2023 09:42

Thank you, I really appreciate your replies. I need to keep going and your words have lifted me out of my panic slightly.. great positive advice thank you.

OP posts:

alwaysmovingforwards · 02/12/2023 10:39

Plenty of people find succeed later in life.

Ray Kroc spent his career as a milkshake-device salesman before buying McDonald's at age 52 in 1954. He grew it into the world's biggest fast-food franchise.

alwaysmovingforwards · 02/12/2023 10:41

Arianna Huffington founded her namesake news publication, The Huffington Post, at age 55. While she worked as a political commentator and writer for her early career, the success of her digital media publication made her a household name. HuffPost later sold to AOL for $315 million.

Eatbetterthisweek · 02/12/2023 10:47

Have you been to University yet? If not you can get student finance and start again.

MinervatheGreat · 02/12/2023 11:02

Back in the days of Maggie Thatcher 🙄 ….
My late husband went into receivership to the tune of £millions. We lost our beautiful home, cars, land, real estate and all the trappings alongside. He had no savings. He was a gambler too and lived for today.

I had a small amount of savings for a really tiny house deposit. From that I took a job and we lived on credit cards until he managed to get a job too.

We came out of it eventually and and he’s passed away but I’m glad to say through hard work and seeking out opportunities, I’m now living a comfortable life.

That unsettled period was character building to say the least. You’ll get thru this. You will. I promise.

Drinkinggreentea · 02/12/2023 11:27

So sorry to hear that. You've still got 16 years until you reach retirement age so there's still plenty of time to get financially stable again. Wishing you all the best.

Original poster

Cliffedged · 02/12/2023 14:03

Eatbetterthisweek · 02/12/2023 10:47

Have you been to University yet? If not you can get student finance and start again.

I am browsing the OU, I can’t physically go to university but I can try and get a degree with the OU. Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

Cliffedged · 02/12/2023 14:04

These replies are so helpful. Thank you. I don’t feel completely hopeless now. Time to dust off and start again.

OP posts:

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 14:08

I'm so sorry for people struggling.

I wish you hope and success.

Feelingslightlyuneasy · 02/12/2023 14:24

Cliffedged · 02/12/2023 07:40

My life has fallen apart. Business has failed. (Killed by covid and never recovered) now In debt. Close to being homeless. Don’t own any assets except a car. Almost 50. I need to hear stories of hope, is it too late or is my life now fucked. Has anyone lost everything at this age and ended up ok, able to build a new life.

I lost nearly everything I had at just over 40. I was in a job I hated, ex husband took the house and furniture I had worked so hard for and I moved back in to my parents.
I felt so hopeless and thought my life was over. I struggled for months in debt and despair at what was left for me.

But soon as I changed my mindset to excitement at what was yet to come, the freedom I had and choices I could make to please me alone, things started to change. I applied for every job that even remotely matched my experience to be able to leave the job I was in. This resulted in a job (and salary) I could only ever have dreamed of - and I put most of that down to my positivity at interview, which I wouldn’t have had prior to that.

I then took what money I had left and bought a very small house. Slowly, things got better, I took myself on holiday on my own and realised I had so much to live for. My mum would always say to me, there will be a brighter day, and although I couldn’t see it at the time- there was.

Acceptance is what changed my mindset. Acceptance that life had changed, things weren’t fair but what had happened has happened. Acceptance that hard work would get me out of this, and rebuild my life - and I only have myself to rely on for that.

it’s given me the strength to make decisions over the last few months that I never would have before.

Be excited OP, you now have so many opportunities ahead of you, with this chapter of your life closing, you turn the page of a book you haven’t finished writing yet.

You are down, but not out - and you’ll get up before the count of 10, I promise you xx

DiscoStusMoonboots · 02/12/2023 14:31

My parents lost everything during the recession in the 90s. House repossessed, businesses closed, dad bankrupt and alcohol dependent at 47. We had to live in a motel for a while whilst we got a plan together (I say we - my parents). Luckily, mum still had her teaching job (albeit a low-paying one).

Dad took on any job he could find - market stalls, delivery jobs, whatever he could find. One day, he ended up delivering a bulk-load of tiles to a tiling company he'd never heard of - his previous career linked to construction. He got talking to the MD and was offered an entry-level pay job, which he took. He thanked his lucky stars for that break until the day he died, and always taught be 'a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush' as a result of this.

18 months later, we moved into a (much smaller, much less desirable) house which they'd managed to scrape a deposit together for. They then saved and saved and saved for 5 years to buy a house which better suited us as a family - not bigger, just better area. My dad died a little while ago, but my mum still lives there and loves it, as do it.

Please don't give up hope that you deserve and are due better times. All it takes is one little glimmer of light, however small. Take each day at a time and take every opportunity and offer that comes your way. You will overcome this challenge.

the80sweregreat · 02/12/2023 14:34

I am sorry this has happened to you :(
Can you claim any benefits or anything to tied you over ?
I hope people have better advice soon , but I wish you luck and I hope you can sort things out

FreshFromTheSinBin · 02/12/2023 14:34

What a fantastic post, @MistressoftheDarkSide

Poppydot3 · 02/12/2023 14:37

I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation currently. Contact Christians Against Poverty (CAP). They will support you above and beyond. They will help you to get your debt sorted. I have known people have their debts written off for good if their income is low. And they can support you practically too. This is a free service and they are very gentle and non Judgemental. Absolutely lovely people and will understand if you’re not interested in their help.

Cumulonimbusincus · 02/12/2023 14:59

Cliffedged · 02/12/2023 14:03

I am browsing the OU, I can’t physically go to university but I can try and get a degree with the OU. Thank you

Show quote history

You don’t just have to do OU, there are many online degrees now.

TheShellBeach · 02/12/2023 15:06

Almost the same thing happened to me at about the same age, OP.

We ended up in a horrid little bedsit.

Gradually things started to improve. Eventually we took the opportunity to get a council house in a remote area in Scotland (because they're not really sought after, so easy to get) and things have blossomed since we got here.

I felt that all was lost back then, but life is great now. I am grateful for small mercies these days but we're not in debt and we've got a lovely little bungalow.

TheMamaYo · 02/12/2023 15:22

What business did you had before? Could you try again, with something else? Is the business closed now?

Ollifer · 02/12/2023 15:29

Oh op. Things will turn around. I lost everything 5 years ago. Literally everything. I'm now doing well. Things are tough financially but I have a mortgage on a nice little house, I'm a single parent and love being alone, I have got through 3 promotions in the past couple of years. You will turn your life round op, with me it took a few years but it won't always be like this.

Stresa22 · 02/12/2023 15:35

I lost everything about a year after my mother died, and I do mean everything. Home, car, pets, mental health, was living in a women’s shelter. You will get through this. Focus on your living situation and then take small steps. The most important thing is to keep putting yourself out there and doing whatever it takes to turn things around. 💐

notfeeblebutPhoebe · 02/12/2023 15:44

This not the same @Cliffedged but similar to us in late 1980s. It might help others reading this.

DHs job failed and his industry shrunk because of new technology coming in. Two kids under 6, we were in our late 40s. Letter from bank 1st level threat. I went to work full time, DH took over the house & kids everything as SAHP, scarcely ironed since.

He worked at part time jobs when he could, door to door collecting for football pools, no holidays, few new clothes, old bangers for transport. Rural, what buses?
We rescued it though. Now comfortable in retirement. DH thinks his biggest achievement is that the kids were always on good terms with him even through teen years.

Kdtym10 · 02/12/2023 15:56

The only time it’s too late is when you’re dead. You’re still relatively young, decades ahead of yourself. Please please be kind to yourself. It might not be the future you imagined, but it rarely is for anyone.

Try and take every opportunity you can from this, move to a new area you’ve always fancied, start something you’ve always put off, a type of job, a course…

The thing about losing all your material things is that you’re no longer imprisoned by them.

uou hsvent lost everything, you still have your character, your experience, your capacity to love. You still have dreams and desires. All the true riches are there.