My life has fallen apart

[Cliffedged]

My life has fallen apart. Business has failed. (Killed by covid and never recovered) now In debt. Close to being homeless. Don’t own any assets except a car. Almost 50. I need to hear stories of hope, is it too late or is my life now fucked. Has anyone lost everything at this age and ended up ok, able to build a new life.

What people class as 'everything' is relative. Houses are just bricks, and stuff is, well, just stuff.

It's the family and animals in your life that is everything.

So, I say, sell everything you can and buy a campervan.

Try to see it as an opportunity for a new direction and take the ride, see where it takes you. The unknown is a scary place but take a breath, wrap up warm and take a walk then make a new plan. Wishing you lots of happiness in your future op.

You are starting a new life, and in that sense you’re exactly the same as lots of school/uni-levers and people in their early 20s - are they fucked or without hope? No!!

You actually have an advantage in that you’ll have more knowledge and experience.

Yes, ideally you’d be more settled by now, but there is absolutely no reason to think that your life is fucked. You are a spring chicken and there’s plenty of time to find your footing again.

Houses are just bricks, and stuff is, well, just stuff.

Exactly. I lost ALL my possessions once, in a storage unit I couldn't afford to pay for.

It didn't matter. I still had my husband and children. Stuff is nothing in comparison with human beings.

I understand that Winston Churchill was a failure at pretty much everything until he reached 60. (Obviously he learned a great deal from 60 years of messing-up and was able to step in to a national mess at the right moment.)

I lost my job in my 50's due to having a breakdown, I thought I would never work again but my nurse suggested using what I had been through to work in mental health as a support worker. Best job I ever had and I stayed in it until i retired. Not the best paid, but oh the feeling when you have helped someone. I met some truly amazing people and learnt so much. You have many years ahead of you, wishing you success and happiness. It does feel scary at the moment but look what you have survived, you will find a way forward

Inspirational reading all these stories.

The closest I've come is losing several £100,000 a few times but it always spurred me on to better (different) things.

Good luck @Cliffedged stuff and money are only stuff and money if you have you health that's the most important thing for new starts.

Do a new course. Join a church. if you have a hobby you really love (learn more) and monetize it! Relax. you are still young!

What is your business about? Can you sell the left stock in etsy/ebay/vinted etc?

@Cliffedged I'm sorry you're facing an up hill challenge and going through the turmoil of emotions it brings. 💕

I agree with @Feelingslightlyuneasy attitude is what drives us through the shit that happens in life, which creates the open door for you to walk through. My shit fest was being widowed with 2 young kids that I had to get to school yet still get into the office by 9am at multiple locations.

Anyways, I have just landed a dream job outside of my profession, yet I've got an income almost equivalent to my self-employed income where I worked as a day rate business consultant. My director said I landed the job because of the passion I showed during my interview. Obvs I also had to answer the Qs too but there are loads of videos on you tube about interview skills, so watch a few.

My advice is to

• Update your CV. Major on your business experience, leadership, governance, administration, and management.
• Apply for every job that takes your fancy

-Temp to earn some money quickly, if you can or need to

• Go land that amazing job that's waiting for you x

I agree with Mistress of the dark side

I live in Glastonbury OP. It's a wonderful place for new beginnings. I came here after my life ended and the love of my life for 20 years just dumped me and ran off with another woman. I work in the NzhS here. They are desperate for staff in every department. If you need a friend or advice when you get here please PM me.

Oh, please, don't go comparing AH with the OP! AH was surrounded by wealth and privilege and people who supported her from an early age: Bernard Levin, anyone? Even if her life ever fell apart it wouldn't have left her facing homelessness, alone and owning nothing but a car.

OP, I'm not in your position but I've known various people who have been. And they've all come up with creative solutions and led interesting lives. I've shed 'stuff' as I've got older and nothing makes me happier than knowing that if I needed to, I could load everything I really need in my car and drive away and start up somewhere new. I wish you joy in this new stage of your life. I think too many of us get too comfortably stuck and only much, much later wish we'd had the spark to move on. Good luck.

Just wanted to send some positive vibes to you and i sincerely hope you get back up on your feet soon . Bear in mind that they can come after you for money but ultimately they can't have what you haven't got . One door will shut and another will open . Good luck OP .

What a lovely lovely offer, wouldn't it be serendipitous if something came of this? Mnet at its kindest xx

@Feelingslightlyuneasy

Wonderful, positive message, thankyou for sharing and your encouragement for the OP.

Business people often go bust a couple of times before they have a successful business. In my experience, if you have the creativity and impetus to create a business, that is part of your make-up, and that drive will come back given the right conditions. It means you are inventive, thoughtful, courageous and flexible, and those qualities don't vanish just because a business didn't make it.

You need to take stock of your current situation, understand that you are able to put up with a lot more than you imagine, take it a day at a time, and put one foot in front of the other.

It's not even that you need encouragement, tbh. It's more that you need to take the time and space to recover, and then your inner resources will revive, it's in the nature of things.

@MistressoftheDarkSide
what a lovely post

And also: Never miss the opportunity in a crisis/Never let a crisis go to waste.

OP, I've been thinking of two of the women I know who were in similar situations to you and they both, for the first year or two while they got themselves sorted out, worked as live-in carers. It meant they had a room over their heads, some money and often a bit of space to get their heads together.

Trinity Care and Elder are two of the agency names I can remember. I don't know if it would be up your street. Obviously some clients and some jobs are better than others, but it's been part of a portfolio of work that has helped my friends get back on their feet again. And it's work you can feel good about.

Just a thought.

No direct experience but a couple of friends had to start over and went for supermarket and driving jobs, if that's an option.

Lots of advice here but just to add, there's free training out there

A poster here recently said she's on a government bootcamp for cybersecurity, free of charge

Lots of info here
https://skillsforlife.campaign.gov.uk/?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=PPC&utm_campaign=AdultSkills23_202307_0_All&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4KDv3aLxggMV1uDtCh1mYg6vEAAYAiAAEgLX-fD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Also, there's Google garage and lots of free training via LinkedIn.

I'd focus on getting whatever work you can first, to get sone cashflow.

I wish you all the best.

I'm so sorry to read this. But the first thing you need to know is that there IS ALWAYS hope. I've also been through the grinder, and came out the other end. I'm 51 now but in 2017, I had a mental and physical breakdown due to an awful relationship and nasty employer. I left my ex, I became homeless and without a support network around me (I'd moved to be with him but I had failed to make new friends despite trying hard). I was very unwell but at the time had no idea what was happening to me.I spent my savings on an Airbnb then crappy room in someone's tiny house.Depsite being unwell I had to find a new job - ended up working for more tyrants. A year later my health was a lot worse - I think I had another breakdown and possibly PTSD. But I was lucky to be helped with a mortgage by family so at least I had my own home and could find some stability.However, I then had to join a union to battle with my nasty employers who treated me like dirt and tried to fire me illegally knowing about my health issues and having a new mortgage. I fought back and left with a financial settlement.But I couldn't afford to take a break so I went freelance and have never stopped working, although I desperately needed to rest and recover. In early 2019 I was diagnosed with ME/CFS - a chronic autoimmune condition. But still, I couldn't afford to stop working. I was just getting things sorted when Covid hit. I lost my income, didn't qualify for any of the grants and so I prepared to sell my home. I managed to somehow save it. I managed to get in a few bits of work in late 2020 which helped pay for a functional medicine doctor who helped me sort out some of my health issues. She also told me I'd already gone through the menopause at 48 years old. I ended up changing my work through an unexpected opportunity that popped up in 2020 and now run a part-time consultancy in more rewarding work. And I have two part-time employed roles. Financially, I'm still struggling as I'm single and live alone. I have been to some very dark places and considered taking my own life. The NHS mental health support was beyond useless. So I've always had to find money for private therapy. I have to say that alhtough I'm often skint, the therapy has got me through some horrible times.I won't life: my life is nowhere near perfect and it is still tough due to the cost of living. I've developed ways to cope with my health issues, live on a single income and plan for my future. I have a basic social life again - I only worked and slept for 3 years. I see myself as being lucky. I'm also spiritual which helps me keep things into perspective, reminds me to be grateful for everything I've endured and focus on my goals.My advice is to look for as much help and support as you can get. You need a team around you - counsellor, citizen's advice, friends, family. Tell them what you're going through. Please don't keep things to yourself. You don't want to end up like me - I'm convinced that if I'd had a friendship circle around me when I had my breakdown, I would be a lot healthier and able to earn more money as a result. Also, 50 is a new chapter, and absolutely not the end of anything. If you make some good decisions now, your next decade could be your best years yet. And the crap you're going through now will make you a hell of a lot wiser and confident. I'm so much more confident in myself now, knowing I've gone through hell and found my way back.Good luck, OP. Stay strong. You've got this.

When you turn 50, you qualify for a residency visa to live on Bali.
Just sayin'!!

Sending you a virtual hug OP.

I have had a lot to deal with recently: health issues, hating my job, recovering from abuse, losing most of my 'friends' and having to start again in a completely new town last year where I knew no one. The only small house I could afford is ancient and constantly needs (costly) repairs. I am 53 today and spent my birthday alone today looking at my radiator valve leak...

And yet I am still here and fighting because I am not giving up and not giving life, or anyone, the satisfaction to beat me down. I got myself a cake and spent my day doing something I love: drawing and listening to soothing music.

I have more and more days where I am actually starting to feel happy again and take pleasure in various activities and I am even making plans for the future. Something I could not imagine three months ago when I was at my lowest and made plans to end it all. My complete breakdown was actually an opportunity to finally ask for help from professionals and realise that I was autistic. A light bulb moment for me as I always thought I was a constant failure and different from most people as I struggle with the basics in life that people seem to achieve so easily (relationship, friends, jobs)...

I know it is hard but you will get new opportunities even in hardship and meet new people in your life. It is never too late to start again and you will get there!

Some of these stories are absolutely inspirational
Years ago, I separated from my partner and had to leave my home in another country. I came back to the UK homeless and with no support network. I don’t really have any supportive family and my friends had all moved on.
i ended up getting a job with accommodation and slowly building myself up from there. There have been many knocks between now and then but I am resilient and strong. I often look back at that version of myself with compassion and pride and wish I could reassure myself that everything will work out.
Good luck, OP. I’m sure that there are good things waiting for you. Sometimes the opportunity is around the corner you can’t yet see around