My life has fallen apart

[Cliffedged]

My life has fallen apart. Business has failed. (Killed by covid and never recovered) now In debt. Close to being homeless. Don’t own any assets except a car. Almost 50. I need to hear stories of hope, is it too late or is my life now fucked. Has anyone lost everything at this age and ended up ok, able to build a new life.

In 2019 my then husband announced he wanted different things ... we all know what that means. I had a grown up child with sen, not been able to work full time consequently.

Ok we had significant equity which helped, but I did start again, met someone else who didn't mind me bringing my dd, moved, changed jobs and beating expectations and several false starts later dd is graduating this summer and also living alone!

We can reinvent ourselves older, I've retrained, but also realised I don't need stuff, I need happiness

You absolutely can OP, when things are really crap I always imagine it as being about chapter 7 in a novel - when it all appears to be going to shit, before it takes a turn for the better.

Please see stepchange to get debts frozen, and citizens advice if you need help with landlords. Get yourself on the list of housing associations (it’ll take forever but get on the list now.)

From experience the PP’s suggestion of a live in companion job can be a good one if you have to give up your home. However, they are dead end jobs so only use it to retrain and sort yourself out.

i've slept on the streets and had years of moving from unstable living situation to unstable living situation. i finally got a council home and i am hopefully getting into some kind of employment in the next year so i can start saving for a pension. i honestly believe if you have a roof over your head and access to the internet, you can do anything these days.
whatever your business was, you'll have a accrued a huge wide range of skills and experience, which you can put onto a cv for a new career.

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this shit situation OP, it must be hard to keep a lid on panic

As @DiscoStusMoonboots says
All it takes is one little glimmer of light, however small. Take each day at a time and take every opportunity and offer that comes your way. You will overcome this challenge.

I've picked myself up a few times. Met lovely DH#2 when I was in my 50s. Make considerably more £££ freelancing now (in my 60s) than I could have dreamed of in my 40s.

Try to focus clearly on where you want to live and what you enjoy doing. If you're in the right place, things will feel better on a day-to-day basis. If you had your own business, that means you're good at something. Have confidence in your abilities. You'd be surprised how rare it is to be really skilled and how much people are prepared to pay for someone who really knows what they're doing. Try to re-imagine a future where you don't undersell yourself. Who would be interested in what you do, and have the proper budget for it? Think think think 😊

Try to think in terms of "In 6 months' time, I'll review the situation and make another plan if necessary."

Be kind to yourself. Become your best friend and supporter. Every night when you go to bed, plan a little treat for yourself the next morning, even if it's just a breakfast you enjoy. Plan something for yourself later in the day, such as an online yoga/Pilates class. Take pride in the tiny incremental changes, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, that will add up to something really amazing over time.

Also I just want to say a big "bless you" to all the inspirational stories on here 💗

What was your business? If irs anything where you can take existing hard earned skills and apply them to something new, do that

Such inspiring stories.

Things are sliding off the table at my end. I just want to thank everyone for sharing their stories. It can feel as if you're the only one whose life is evaporating around them. Thank you.

Aaaaaaagggghhhhh I forgot to say the one thing I meant to say!

Which is, that there is one advantage of being in the shit, and that is that you have nothing to lose.

If you have the 5-bedroom semi and 3 children in leafy Surrey, no way can you risk trying something new. Too much is hanging on your shoulders.

If you can, use whatever freedoms are available to you, to explore what feels like a promising direction. It might take a while to locate. Follow your instinct for what makes you feel in control and confident, vs things that you're supposed to do that make you feel nervous and ungrounded.

Keep us updated op
X

"I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."
J.K. Rowling, Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination

I had a break down 6 years ago and was suicidal. I worked in social services, my mum and grandad were both dying and o was caring for them both and my son wo in the process of being diagnosed with asd and developmental delays. I couldn't cope.

I hit rock bottom then I got up. Got a fuckton of therapy, took up yoga and mindfulness and learnt to cope, quit my job, buried my mum and grandad and found a better job.

Life's not easy but it's better