to ask how hugging friends works and why I don't get hugs

[touchscreen]

How do you choose who to hug?

I'm not a massive hugger, and I don't really understand the protocol.

If you are a hugger, and you meet a group of friends and hug some but not others what are you communicating? Is it like a ranking, you hug the friends you value most?

If I'm with a group of friends I'll often find them greeting each other with hugs but not me. I'm not sure if this is because they actually don't like me, or if they can tell I find the whole thing awkward.

It's not like just one group in which this happens. People from different groups seem to be able to identify me as a non-hugger but I don't know what it is about me that makes this so clear.

I'm don't think I'm particularly smelly, or look like i have infectious diseases. I probably don't radiate confidence but not aware of being especially needy seeming. Any guesses what's going on here?

Have you ever initiated a hug? If not then they will assume you don’t want one.

I'm watching this with interest as it is all a mystery to me.

I'm a hugger but I'm very conscious that a lot of people don't like it so if I'm not sure I don't hug unless they initiate. It's nothing to do with ranking of friends it's to do with me not wanting to make someone feel uncomfortable.

I am quite fat and round faced and get hugged even when I am not really keen. Don't mind it from most people though. Not sure if this information helps, are you also "cuddly" looking?

I am a non hugger (apart from v close friends) and mostly people don’t attempt to hug me, it’s a body language thing I guess

I never used to get hugged and then I started initiating it with different friends, so then those friends knew I was now a hugger and thus did it going forward.

I'd rather not hug any of my friends. I try to avoid hugging where possible. I think that comes across to my friends.

I’m not a hugger so much so that I feel tense and dread when it comes to that time that pontential hugs may occur 🤣

Some people only hug who hugs them first so It could be that, maybe they’ve just gotten used to you not offering a hug.

My stiffness when hugged might be a giveaway.

I think eye contact plays a part in working out who is open to being hugged tbh. Meet eyes, give a hello and go in for a hug.

I don't usually do it if there's a big group as it's a bit impractical and I don't really do it based on a ranking of who I like most (which is interesting now I think about it). Try initiating it with the person you are most comfortable with in the group if it bothers you not to be included, then people will know you are a hugger. I wouldn't overthink it too much though, happy hugging!!

I don't hug anyone if I think they'll be uncomfortable with it.

I have resting murder face. Which is why I suspect I’m a hug free zone outside nearest and dearest.

Not bovvered though. Are you actually bothered, OP?

Resting murder face 😂😂😂😂

I'm a hugger. you definitely get a vibe from people as to whether they want to be hugged or not. You kinda get to know who to hug and who not to! Fine by me either way.

I hug people if they have hugged me before. I would not want to offer an intrusive hug! It's not that we don't like you we are just trying to be respectful :D

I'd imagine you give off, "don't touch me" vibes, so people don't hug you. I don't think it is a reflection on you as a person at all.

I don't enjoy people in my personal space unless we're particularly close and they get a bear hug

Not a big hugger with people I’m not very close with but sometimes if someone looks like The’d appreciate one I do ask if they’d like a hug and it’s never been refused.

With closer friends we approach enthusiastically with arms open so there’s no confusion as to intention.

Now cuddles are a different matter. I’m all
about the cuddles!

I'm a hugger but since Covid, I tend to check before hugging, and overall do it less.

If you don't typically hug people, but would like to, you can test the waters by being more tactile, a hand on someone's arm, standing a bit closer; it should be easier to gauge whether it's that kind of situation then.

Perhaps they think that you do not want a hug?

Try to make it clear that you would like a hug! How is your posture/body language? Do you look open to a hug?
Maybe (if you feel comfortable) ask if you can have a hug, too!
Or ask them - Can I hug you?
And respect the answers, of course.

Good luck!

I'm not a hugger. People that know me know that and I am not offended in the slightest if everyone else in a group hugs and I just say hello/goodbye. Now in my 50s I've had to hug more as others who like to hug have faced illnesses and loss of loved ones. I think they mean more if dished out sparingly. Don't want to acquire the French air kissing charade.

I’m a non hugger and there are only a small number of friends/family that I will hug.

Most of my friends know and therefore don’t attempt a hug 🤣

I have friends I always hug, and friends I never do.

I hate hugging, please don't touch me, friends do not hug me, I don't touch them. However I know when clients (carer for o!see adults and adults with a learning disabled ability) want a hug.

I'm a hugger so find I get hugged more as I look like I'm waiting for a hug 😆

I wouldn't hug someone I didn't know liked hugs, I'd either wait for them to initiate or look for subtle body language that they were anticipating/looking forward to being hugged. If someone was looking everywhere but me and had more closed body language I'd definitely assume they didn't want to be touched. If I was unsure I also wouldn't hug someone and hope if they wanted a hug they would come to hug me since I'm an established hugger.

Any slightly intimate bodily contact with someone, even if seemingly benign to you personally, you should always look for enthusiastic consent. _ x