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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At my wits end with my amateur chef OH

124 replies

justasking111 · 01/12/2023 17:09

He watches Rick stein and James Martin every day. We're supposed to alternate cooking dinner. Three times this week he's fucked up. I buy good ingredients tell him what's for dinner. He muscles in hours before me to prep.

This week he's overdone it. Partridge with vegetables he tipped in crabapple jelly. Was so sweet I couldn't eat it.

Chicken curry half a large carton of creme freiche and god knows what herbs.

Today I was doing shin of beef with vegetables in the slow cooker. He insisted on taking over. I said no potatoes because I was doing dumplings. He said I don't want dumplings.
I've just tasted it. I don't know if he's put in lots of pepper, mustard, cloves or all three. It tastes weird. OH and he's done a pan of potatoes.

He won't follow a recipe because he's learnt it all on the television.

So am I being unreasonable expecting food that I can eat? Or am I just ungrateful?

OP posts:
Whattodowithit88 · 01/12/2023 17:11

No advice, I’m just here with the popcorn 😃

Couldyounot · 01/12/2023 17:12

There is being an amateur chef, and there is being someone who fucks about in a kitchen thinking that they could teach the folks with Michelin stars a thing or two. Only one of these will produce decent meals.

WitcheryDivine · 01/12/2023 17:12

You're not ungrateful and he certainly shouldn't be taking over on "your" nights, but shouldn't he get to choose, shop and cook on his nights?

I do sympathise, mine likes to include incredibly spicy and/or rich ingredients in every dish, even when I've told him before that I can't eat like that at the moment (pregnant, nauseous) and tbh would rather not have rich food half the week anyway for weight reasons. No mate not everything is improved with half a block of butter and three chillies. Really.

TheTecknician · 01/12/2023 17:13

Put a lock on the kitchen door and keep hold of the key. He's disrespectful to your cooking and wasting ingredients and money!

OnlyCorrect · 01/12/2023 17:15

Not being unreasonable, why on earth should you be 'grateful' he's fucking up dinner half the week? Food is important to me, I would genuinely LTB over this.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 01/12/2023 17:15

I love watching cooking shows but it sounds like he does not take anything on board.

You can learn a lot from James and Rick but chucking loads of ingredients in and not tasting as you go is not James's or Rick's style.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 01/12/2023 17:18

Maybe he needs to learn that 'less is more'? Are there any chefs who plead that mindset that you could maybe buy him some cookbooks from for him to work his way through?

I feel for you, I've got a friend who likes to 'invent' recipes, which basically means taking some supermarket basic and then adding a bit of everything he's got in the cupboard - then asking me if I can taste the fenugreek, or the saffron or whatever. I usually can't pick out any individual flavours because it just tastes 'sweet' or 'curry' or whatever, because he's slung in so much stuff.

Clarinet1 · 01/12/2023 17:23

Perhaps point him towards Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers?

SgtJuneAckland · 01/12/2023 17:25

He sounds like a nightmare, but your meal plan sounds delicious

FictionalCharacter · 01/12/2023 17:28

Does he actually like the stuff he cooks? Or does he realise it’s not right, but doesn’t want to admit it? It sounds like he has a very unrefined palate if he thinks an excessively sweetened savoury dish is ok.

Whatever he does on “his” days, keep him out of the kitchen on “your” days. You have an arrangement, make him stick to it and not interfere when you’re cooking.

He should be doing the shopping when he cooks too. It isn’t fair that you have to buy the food and watch him ruin it.

Personally I’d put an end to the alternate days. I couldn’t be doing with inedible meals half the week, I’d cook for myself and let him eat his own terrible creations.

Therealjudgejudy · 01/12/2023 17:28

Cook for yourselves. He sounds pretty ridiculous

therealcookiemonster · 01/12/2023 17:46

Therealjudgejudy · 01/12/2023 17:28

Cook for yourselves. He sounds pretty ridiculous

tbh I think this is the only solution. let him eat what he makes, you sort yourself out. and tell him he has to finish every morsel of what he cooks. no throwing it away, no eating anything else.

BigFatLiar · 01/12/2023 17:52

OH has always been a good cook and also likes the tv chef programmes but his usual comment is either that must cost a fortune or their serving is so small it's not worth dirtying the plates. Fortunately he's not one to waste food and cooks what I like rather than experiments. I'm not as good a cook and I'm quite happy to lob in a jar of cook in sauce, OH is always appreciative of my efforts. Its OK for your DH to make the effort but he needs to work up to gain the experience, these tv chefs may seem to be throwing stuff in but they have years of experience and the backing of a team of home economists.

Tiredbehyondbelief · 01/12/2023 17:54

I would leave him to it. He would either learn from his mistakes and becomes a decent cook. Or this phase will pass. I would treat it as his hobby. BTW once upon a time I couldn't bake. I wasted so much baking ingredients and gas. Then one day I turned the corner. Now everyone admires my baking. So I often give away my cakes and brownies as gifts and I sometimes bake for people on request

DavidChecker · 01/12/2023 17:57

Amateur here. I have a book open at the right page all the time. These TV Chefs
Like Rick have been doing it full time for 20 years and they are perfectionists by personality. (PIA mostly). They like showing it on TV.
Delia has the answer

SkyFullofStars1975 · 01/12/2023 18:00

Time to be blunt, he can cook IF and only if he follows a recipe. Tell him his palate needs improving before going rogue! You're married, be honest.

Original poster
justasking111 · 01/12/2023 18:08

I just made the dumplings lifted the lid of the slow cooker, he's thrown in a layer of sliced potatoes. I'm so annoyed. He must have done it when I was busy repairing some tears in his favourite trousers.

OP posts:
Sugarbeaches · 01/12/2023 18:10

I’m in the “everything is improved with a block of butter and three chillies” camp

Original poster
justasking111 · 01/12/2023 18:10

Wild sea bass he made a tarragon sauce, all I could taste was the herb. I bloody hate Stein.

OP posts:
Original poster
justasking111 · 01/12/2023 18:11

Sugarbeaches · 01/12/2023 18:10

I’m in the “everything is improved with a block of butter and three chillies” camp

Try mashed potatoes with butter, garlic and creme freiche then. You can have mine 🙈

OP posts:
therealcookiemonster · 01/12/2023 18:14

justasking111 · 01/12/2023 18:10

Wild sea bass he made a tarragon sauce, all I could taste was the herb. I bloody hate Stein.

Stein really can't cook. most of his recipes fail (the older ones are better) and his restaurant in cornwall is pretty awful. James Martin just chucks butter at everything as if that solves all problems. maybe buy your husband some good cookbooks? nadiya and nigella both have good recipes, nigel slater and hairy bikers also good. Delia has effective recipes but a bit old fashioned now

DidiAskYouThough · 01/12/2023 18:16

@SkyFullofStars1975 are they married? OP referred to him as ‘other half’ which usually means just a boyfriend. It matters because if they’re married they’re intertwined financially and this man is essentially binning money on shit food.
What are you going to do, OP? Wasting money, food and sabotaging your meals isn’t appealing or sustainable.

bellac11 · 01/12/2023 18:18

I realise this is a bit lighthearted but the actual situation is that you dont like what he cooks, fine. Then dont eat the same food

I havent eaten OH's food for over a decade. He puts together flavours that in my opinion dont go together/dont work.

He feels they do work, he likes them.

examples are, he wont salt food/rice. He mixes indian spices with chinese spices and for me they dont go together. He uses sesame oil to cook things in and for me that ruins the whole dish. There are many more examples....

OK, not everypne likes the same thing.

He wouldnt really eat what I cook, unless its the christmas dinner/roast/particular dishes. He says I use garlic too much, which I probably do. I also like Mediterranean flavours which he is not keen on

ginasevern · 01/12/2023 18:23

Does he actually like the food he has cooked? What does he say when he tastes his own cooking?

CurlewKate · 01/12/2023 18:25

There's being an amateur chef and being a dickhead. He's being a dickhead.