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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At my wits end with my amateur chef OH

124 replies

justasking111 · 01/12/2023 17:09

He watches Rick stein and James Martin every day. We're supposed to alternate cooking dinner. Three times this week he's fucked up. I buy good ingredients tell him what's for dinner. He muscles in hours before me to prep.

This week he's overdone it. Partridge with vegetables he tipped in crabapple jelly. Was so sweet I couldn't eat it.

Chicken curry half a large carton of creme freiche and god knows what herbs.

Today I was doing shin of beef with vegetables in the slow cooker. He insisted on taking over. I said no potatoes because I was doing dumplings. He said I don't want dumplings.
I've just tasted it. I don't know if he's put in lots of pepper, mustard, cloves or all three. It tastes weird. OH and he's done a pan of potatoes.

He won't follow a recipe because he's learnt it all on the television.

So am I being unreasonable expecting food that I can eat? Or am I just ungrateful?

OP posts:
Original poster
justasking111 · 01/12/2023 21:54

I like herbs and spices but in moderation, you don't have to use the entire contents of a pot of cream, or can of coconut milk. You don't need to use a whole can of beer in a beef stew. I think there's an element of not liking waste. But when you're cooking for two people rather than a large family you need to scale down IMO.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 01/12/2023 22:01

I certainly would put a can of beer in a stew and a can of coconut milk in a curry. Dont you ever have left overs?

What are you going to do with half a can of beer or half a can of coconut milk anyway? (actually you can freeze the coconut milk in tubs0

MrsDoylesTeacup · 01/12/2023 22:10

Yanbu my DH put black pudding which I can't stand in a Spag Bol and it fucking ruined it, ahhh stop fucking about trying to play Masterchef!

Original poster
justasking111 · 01/12/2023 22:20

MrsDoylesTeacup · 01/12/2023 22:10

Yanbu my DH put black pudding which I can't stand in a Spag Bol and it fucking ruined it, ahhh stop fucking about trying to play Masterchef!

Ah the black pudding, never had it Bolognese. But had it in chicken breasts wrapped in bacon which is nice if done in moderation.

OP posts:
organicbox · 01/12/2023 22:25

I'm a single mum who works a lot. If you ever get divorced, send him my way...

Seriously though. If he doesn't want to waste - do double and freeze it. Much more economical for a small household.

flowerchild2000 · 01/12/2023 22:27

Is he learning from his mistakes though? It really depends on his attitude. Are you giving constructive criticism or just being pissy about it? When my DD was learning to cook (she uses Youtube and sometimes meal delivery kits) it was so awful and I'd be scared to eat because of possible food poisoning. There's was always an element of the dish that was burned, and an element raw, in the same dish 😂 I gently gave her tips and never showed how nauseous I was, and now some months later she can really full on cook a wonderful meal. She's only 13 and ASD/ADHD but has a good attitude. (Definitely more mature than most grown men though). So I think anyone who's really trying should be given a chance. If they're stubborn/won't listen maybe not so much.

purplehue · 02/12/2023 00:10

Haha I once recreated a recipe by Rick stein that I had watched on tv but didn't write it down. It was from memory. Well as you can guess it was a disaster.

From that day I used recipes and followed them to a T. Most were ok.

After a while you learn what herbs and spices to use for each nationality for food.

You could try one of the meal boxes that get sent to the door. Everything is weighed and measured and you just follow the instructions. This could be for your husbands nights. As long as he doesn't add extra ingredients then it should be ok 😬

Screamingabdabz · 02/12/2023 00:24

It’s a man thing thinking that bunging any and all spices and herbs into a dish is ‘cooking’. It’s foul. I never eat my DH’s cooking because of this.

But sorry - why are you mending his trousers? I know it’s off thread but is this the 1950s?

Original poster
justasking111 · 02/12/2023 00:40

Screamingabdabz · 02/12/2023 00:24

It’s a man thing thinking that bunging any and all spices and herbs into a dish is ‘cooking’. It’s foul. I never eat my DH’s cooking because of this.

But sorry - why are you mending his trousers? I know it’s off thread but is this the 1950s?

He tore them chasing the puppy up on the hillside. He does the early morning walks which are cold and wet the moment. While I get to enjoy a cup of tea and read the paper in the warm. I'd rather sew than do those walks 😊

OP posts:
billyt · 02/12/2023 08:51

@justasking111

I'd get your OH to watch The Menu.

Maybe he won't be such a know it all afterwards Grin

Tiredbehyondbelief · 02/12/2023 09:00

organicbox · 01/12/2023 22:25

I'm a single mum who works a lot. If you ever get divorced, send him my way...

Seriously though. If he doesn't want to waste - do double and freeze it. Much more economical for a small household.

Can I please be the 2nd in a queue?

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 02/12/2023 09:09

therealcookiemonster · 01/12/2023 18:14

Stein really can't cook. most of his recipes fail (the older ones are better) and his restaurant in cornwall is pretty awful. James Martin just chucks butter at everything as if that solves all problems. maybe buy your husband some good cookbooks? nadiya and nigella both have good recipes, nigel slater and hairy bikers also good. Delia has effective recipes but a bit old fashioned now

Show quote history

My understanding is he has nothing to do with that restaurant, his ex wife owns it. I went and it was mediocre, had better fish at Nathan Outlaw's.

TheCadoganArms · 02/12/2023 09:10

I love cooking, my mother taught myself and my siblings the basics when kids and promptly put us on the household cooking rota when we were competent enough not to poison everyone. Knowing how to cook saved me a fortune at uni and these days I see it as way to relax rather then some functional chore. I have been on loads of cooking courses and like to think I am not bad.

I do have a friend though who thinks he is a TV chef, he is not terrible but certainly not as good as he thinks he is. All very theatrical in the kitchen which would be fine if only he just stuck to his own cooking rather than interfere with other people's when a guest in their homes. He is the sort of person who starts tasting what's being cooked, stiring this, turning the temperature up on that, adding seasoning etc. It really is fucking rude to do that in someone's home. I went mad at him one time when he took it upon himself to start cooking about 30 mins too early some quite expensive tiger prawns that I had bought for a starter. He did not see the problem as he was being 'helpful', he did not get to sit down for dinner that evening as I threw him out the house. Twat.

therealcookiemonster · 02/12/2023 09:12

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese I love outlaws! go there everytime I'm in Cornwall

didn't realise that Stein didn't manage it... although went there around 2008?

pickledandpuzzled · 02/12/2023 09:12

You need a ‘one cook in the kitchen’ rule.

It works well with a ‘Cooke does their own washing up’ rule. As long as you take turns.

That way everyone learns to be a tidy cook, and no one’s food is ruined.

I’m still seething over the day DH added a tin of tomatoes to my cider, sausage and butter bean casserole.

CandyLeBonBon · 02/12/2023 09:12

justasking111 · 01/12/2023 18:10

Wild sea bass he made a tarragon sauce, all I could taste was the herb. I bloody hate Stein.

Tarragon is the work of the devil!

SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 02/12/2023 09:16

Sit down with him and agree which nights he cooks and which nights you cook. Then tell him he is not allowed to cook on your nights and tell him to stop immediately if he attempts to. Be immovable

CandyLeBonBon · 02/12/2023 09:16

But I reckon a chilli mango sorbet might actually work!

FrangipaniBlue · 02/12/2023 09:24

Today I was doing shin of beef with vegetables in the slow cooker. He insisted on taking over.

This would piss me off and he'd probably find himself under the patio.

I don't think his wanting potatoes and putting a pan of them on is so bad if he prefer them to dumplings, but the fact he them put some on top of the stew when he knew you were making dumplings gave me the rage on your behalf!!

That being said, you do sound a bit controlling about telling him what to do, I can see why you might feel you have to but I can also see that from his side he perhaps doesn't always like your cooking either?

I think a compromise would be is that you agree to stay out of each others kitchens. So if it's your turn to cook he stays away and vice versa

LittleMissSleepyUK · 02/12/2023 09:29

Could you send him on a cooking course for his Christmas present? It might help him tone it down

highlandcoos · 02/12/2023 09:44

Mashed spuds with garlic flavoured melted butter and creme fraiche with some of the potato water to balance the richness, is delicious, served with roast chicken/salmon and a green salad. Maybe his proportions were off for the bass sauce? Eg there might have been too much tarragon in the fish sauce.

I love cooking, have taken several classes (French, Indian, Singaporean) and am quite experimental, but some cheffy recipes just don't work. I can now look at a recipe and know if it will work/what ingredients I can subsitute, but sometimes, simple really is best.

OH needs to work on developing his palate (by eating in good restaurants) and I'm afraid you might have to cook your own food atm. Have OH look Cooking for Levi in case he has ideas on cooking "special meals" for DC.

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/cookingforlevi/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==

Grumio · 02/12/2023 09:46

I feel your pain OP. This week he got a whole rabbit from the butcher which was in a clear plastic wrapper in the fridge. Turned my stomach each time I opened the fridge. I also hate rabbit. He made some kind of sausage thing with spinach and the rabbit all wrapped in parma ham, which could have been OK (coz most things are made palatable when wrapped in ham) but he had put the rabbits kidneys in the centre of it. 🤮

mummymeister · 02/12/2023 10:00

It would be the waste rather than the taste for me I am afraid. just cannot see good ingredients wasted. I also cannot abide the smothering of good fresh ingredients like a nice piece of fish in a crappy sauce. also, there are really are some people out there who actually cant cook. they cant balance flavours and have no idea that less is more. he might be one of them. maybe he needs a new hobby?

CurlewKate · 02/12/2023 12:29

Tarragon is a standard herb to serve with fish.

ntmdino · 02/12/2023 12:42

Out of curiosity...is he a smoker? Smoking wreaks havok on the taste buds, which - if he is - would account for why he can't make anything right. It simply tastes different to him.

I was always absolutely terrible at cooking and couldn't make anything that my other half liked when it was my turn, until I stopped smoking. Suddenly it all made sense, and I've spent a fair amount of time making up for the decade or so of naaasty food.