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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at people who cannot control their kids on public transport (and transport staff!)

73 replies

ValerieVomit · 01/12/2023 09:37

Yesterday evening, in a Midlands city, on a tram.

Mother (35-ish) gets on with three kids, a girl about three, an older boy and girl, probably 10 and 11/12.

Smallest child has a tablet out with VERY LOUD tinny kiddy music (think Baby Shark annoying levels). At least she just sat and watched her video the whole journey though.

Other two spend the journey racing about, using the tram as monkey bars, having a fight, using their jackets as capes and making a racket.

Meanwhile Mum sits happily vaping. Never once told them to pack it in. I actually don't think she thought it was even a problem, like it was normal behaviour.

I called the conductor. He looked aghast at me, and said who is he to be able to tell people how to look after their kids? I told him who he was to ensure passenger safety. The kids could have had a massive accident and whose fault would it be then? Not Puffing Polly who didn't give a toss, but she would be blaming NET when Little Johnny came a cropper doing his Max Whitlock impression on the tram.

The transport staff do absolutely nothing, and my rant isn't really at them, because it appears their hands are tied. This guy said that once they stopped a tram to get some drunken guys to get off, but they were bollocked and told that they couldn't kick people off for causing trouble.

Meanwhile, Mini Max Whitlock, Mini Beth Tweddle and Little Sally Square Eyes will grow up with zero boundaries, think this is how you behave in public and have kids who perpetuate it.

Allowing for ADHD and the like AIBU to be absolutely pissed off at this? And how does it stop? Will it ever stop?

OP posts:
GettinChillyHereFFS · 01/12/2023 09:46

Yambu. I wouldn't even allow for adhd etc, they are in public and should behave appropriately.

ns87 · 01/12/2023 09:47

Some parents just don't want to parent, so they make the rest of us have to put up with their children's bad behaviour.

AutumnComfort · 01/12/2023 09:49

Even people with ADHD need to learn how to conduct themselves.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/12/2023 09:49

Vaping isn’t allowed on trams? Did the conductor say nothing about that?

recyclemeagain · 01/12/2023 09:49

My kids are both autistic so before anyone jumps on to say you're being intolerant, no you're not! Neurodivergence is not an excuse for ignoring bad behaviour and vaping on public transport is surely not ok? You're definitely not being unreasonable.

sollenwir · 01/12/2023 09:49

I said YABU because while the mother should have taken control of the kids, the on board staff don't get paid enough to tackle this sort of thing!

ChocHotolate · 01/12/2023 09:50

I'm sure the mother would have reacted politely and calmly when the conductor passed on your message. Or if not, I'm sure the conductor would have relished possibly being sworn at or threatened.

Original poster
ValerieVomit · 01/12/2023 09:51

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/12/2023 09:49

Vaping isn’t allowed on trams? Did the conductor say nothing about that?

No. He just held out his hands in that way that seems to say they don't understand.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 01/12/2023 09:53

Net trams are Nottingham trams aren't they? They don't have Conductors?? They have ticket inspectors occasionally and he was right it wasn't his responsibility to tell her how to parent. Why not just move to the other end of the tram?

Whatsasname · 01/12/2023 09:54

Yeah nice one. Way to start a thread to slag off parents and kids. We haven't had one of those for a while. You could have called it something like " people who think rules don't apply to them" since not only was she letting her kids do whatever, she was also vaping on public transport which is clearly not allowed. But no you'd rather start a goady thread that will clearly descend into the kids/ parents today have no respect type.

GrandHighPoohbah · 01/12/2023 09:56

If she's vaping, she is breaking the safety rules and can surely be removed? Otherwise what's the point of having the rules if people can just do what they like?

CatSighs · 01/12/2023 09:57

I seem to be swimming against the tide here, but...I think the two older children just sounded excited rather than badly behaved. Was the tram busy? If not, then I don't think a bit of high spirits (practicing their gymnastics moves rather than being aggressive to other passengers) is too bad, really.

The loud volume of the toddler's tablet and the mum's vaping would have annoyed me though.

FarEast · 01/12/2023 10:05

Meanwhile Mum sits happily vaping

Vaping?! That shouldn't be allowed on public transport in the UK and the conductor should have stopped her, or asked her to get off the tram.

But parents allowing this sort of behaviour is why people roll their eyes about badly-behaved children in shared public spaces.

YANBU and those children are being very very badly served by their parents.

Maxus · 01/12/2023 10:09

CatSighs · 01/12/2023 09:57

I seem to be swimming against the tide here, but...I think the two older children just sounded excited rather than badly behaved. Was the tram busy? If not, then I don't think a bit of high spirits (practicing their gymnastics moves rather than being aggressive to other passengers) is too bad, really.

The loud volume of the toddler's tablet and the mum's vaping would have annoyed me though.

Yes they probably where excited, but they are more than old enough to know you don't practise gymnastics on a tram.

starfishmummy · 01/12/2023 10:13

YourNameGoesHere · 01/12/2023 09:53

Net trams are Nottingham trams aren't they? They don't have Conductors?? They have ticket inspectors occasionally and he was right it wasn't his responsibility to tell her how to parent. Why not just move to the other end of the tram?

Not his or the drivers job to parent, no, but it is their job to ensure the safety of all passengers.

SingingSands · 01/12/2023 10:17

Conductors, guards etc can't do a thing now.

There was an incident last year at, I think, Morecambe or Lancaster station. Young guy pulled a knife on a guard. Another guard tackled the young guy fella to the floor. This guard was then disciplined and faced an assault charge! For protecting his colleague against a knife wielding thug!

I don't know what I'd have done in your situation - possibly given every one of them the death glare and then gotten off early.

YourNameGoesHere · 01/12/2023 10:18

starfishmummy · 01/12/2023 10:13

Not his or the drivers job to parent, no, but it is their job to ensure the safety of all passengers.

Show quote history

It's really not though. The ticket inspectors get on at one stop check a few tickets and get off at the next stop and the driver is driving the tram. Even if the ticket inspectors had said something they wouldn't be able to enforce it once they got off seconds later. Personally I'd have moved to another part of the tram or got off and got the next one. It's honestly not worth all the angst and the melodramatic post.

AmazingSnakeHead · 01/12/2023 10:19

Yeah obviously people should teach their kids to be respectful. I think the general "people don't control their kids" narrative is a bit much though. This is one woman, hardly typical. And kids are human beings, not animals. They're not really to be "controlled " but to be taught.

MsFogi · 01/12/2023 10:20

A significant portion of the English population has pretty much gone feral these days sadly.

Dotjones · 01/12/2023 10:21

YANBU but this is the way of things now. I don't blame the staff because they can't do anything. If they try to intervene it will be them who gets it in the neck, firstly from the disruptive passenger and secondly from their bosses when the passenger complains.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/12/2023 10:22

Whatsasname · 01/12/2023 09:54

Yeah nice one. Way to start a thread to slag off parents and kids. We haven't had one of those for a while. You could have called it something like " people who think rules don't apply to them" since not only was she letting her kids do whatever, she was also vaping on public transport which is clearly not allowed. But no you'd rather start a goady thread that will clearly descend into the kids/ parents today have no respect type.

The thread makes it clear it's parents who don't make their kids that op is moaning about, what's wrong with that? She didn't say no kids ever behave or all parents are shit. If you let your kids run about like this on the bus then you're exactly who she rightly despairs of

FloofCloud · 01/12/2023 10:30

I live in Nottingham and have fortunately not had to use the trams as yet (I loath public transport and even more so now!) but even ADHD or ASD, they can control themselves to not act like that. The mum / parents clearly are crappy TBH ... you see a lot of them, luckily there a lot of more sensible and better parents who don't raise feral crazies

Unabletomitigate · 01/12/2023 10:32

Do you understand how social norms work? You have to object to objectionable behaviour to signal that the behaviour is objectionable.
By sitting there yourself and not saying anything, you are signalling that this behaviour is ok. And you say, ah, but it's not my place to say anything. Ok, then don't say anything, it's all fine.

Whatsasname · 01/12/2023 10:35

@SleepingStandingUp obviously I wouldn't let my kids behave like that on public transport, but then neither would I be vaping. If the parent isn't following the rules themselves then why would you expect their kids to be. My point is the woman was clearly not bothered about other people or acting selfishly, so why the comment about "people controlling their kids" we all know what this thread will descend into. Another parents and kids bashing one.
Just waiting for the "kids today have no respect, in my day we were seen and not heard, parents are too busy looking at their phones" that will be along shortly.

Missingmyusername · 01/12/2023 10:39

MsFogi · 01/12/2023 10:20

A significant portion of the English population has pretty much gone feral these days sadly.

^This.

You seem to be in the minority if you say anything. Just have to sweetly smile and let them get on with it, even it happens in your own home. Actually had a mum who turned up with her child’s sister tell me the younger one is ‘feral’. 90 minutes of solid screaming.
Climbing in the dogs bed. Having to go in every room of our house and cause chaos and of course mum had to follow. Felt like tossing them both over the balcony.