To be pissed off at people who cannot control their kids on public transport (and transport staff!)

[ValerieVomit]

Yesterday evening, in a Midlands city, on a tram.

Mother (35-ish) gets on with three kids, a girl about three, an older boy and girl, probably 10 and 11/12.

Smallest child has a tablet out with VERY LOUD tinny kiddy music (think Baby Shark annoying levels). At least she just sat and watched her video the whole journey though.

Other two spend the journey racing about, using the tram as monkey bars, having a fight, using their jackets as capes and making a racket.

Meanwhile Mum sits happily vaping. Never once told them to pack it in. I actually don't think she thought it was even a problem, like it was normal behaviour.

I called the conductor. He looked aghast at me, and said who is he to be able to tell people how to look after their kids? I told him who he was to ensure passenger safety. The kids could have had a massive accident and whose fault would it be then? Not Puffing Polly who didn't give a toss, but she would be blaming NET when Little Johnny came a cropper doing his Max Whitlock impression on the tram.

The transport staff do absolutely nothing, and my rant isn't really at them, because it appears their hands are tied. This guy said that once they stopped a tram to get some drunken guys to get off, but they were bollocked and told that they couldn't kick people off for causing trouble.

Meanwhile, Mini Max Whitlock, Mini Beth Tweddle and Little Sally Square Eyes will grow up with zero boundaries, think this is how you behave in public and have kids who perpetuate it.

Allowing for ADHD and the like AIBU to be absolutely pissed off at this? And how does it stop? Will it ever stop?

@BobLemon Got it in one yes.

Nailed it 😅

I do agree with you, people should control their children in public but it's not always so straightforward.
I hate to be that person, but are you a parent?
Not being a dick, but the kids could be ND, have SEN or the mum could have been up all night with them and exhausted. I'm not saying it excuses how they were behaving, but it could help explain it.
I'm more shocked that vaping is allowed on public transport, you'd be kicked off for that round here.

No I'm not a parent, but I still expect a decent public transport experience.

I did mention something about ND in my OP

Agree with you, unfortunately.

Well there’s no punishment now - even the police can’t do much as kids under age,nor can the courts.
This is the downside of cctv -in the old days you could clip their ear. Off to jail for gbh now.

BTP text message applies to trams? Assuming it is more than a few minutes journey.

Of course if we had a working courts system and a reasonable level of policing, things might be different.

Really hate it when people suggest the children could have SEN.

More like the parents can't be bothered, and I'm saying that from a family with children with autism. They don't climb on bars because going out in public is a sensory struggle - they are more likely to sit dead still taking in surroundings, and then endlessly chat about it later.

Lack of parental involvement has far more to answer for than potential SEN

I hate to be that person, but are you a parent?

You are a dick to ask that @mrlistersgelfbride . Why don't you ask it of ALL the posters who are agreeing with @ValerieVomit ?

You don't have to be a parent to understand that there may be reasons for badly-behaved children. And even if you are a parent, you can still be annoyed by badly-behaved children, and criticise the parents.

So what if the kids were excited
its fucking public transport not a playground

"Meanwhile, Mini Max Whitlock, Mini Beth Tweddle and Little Sally Square Eyes will grow up with zero boundaries"...

Scathing and not necessary.

The 'public' part, in public transport... at least half the time, that really spoils it suiting the individual, doesn't it?
Autistic children and adults often feel just as inconvenienced by the crowds, loudness, lack of respect, and lack of control over the space in enclosed areas like this too.

YABU why should the conductor have to say anything to her? If it bothered you so much why didn't YOU say something.

This was my first thought too! Vaping is horrible, I wouldn’t want to sit in someone else’s strawberry cloud of puff!

Because traditionally it's the railway employees who have authority over passengers. Fellow passengers are paying, in part, for a safe and orderly environment during their journey. They shouldn't have to manage disputes with other travellers.

I feel like this. Selfish behaviour in all kinds of settings.

Not really the point. Even if @ValerieVomit had moved, the vaping and lack of parenting out of consideration for other passengers would have continued. Or isn’t anyone allowed to comment on bad behaviour these days?

Had that comment been made about other nationalities, say further east, I can guarantee hackles would be up in the stratosphere. As an English woman can I feel offended or is there a reason I can't?

Well of course it wouldn't stop the behaviour but the trams are long enough that by moving she wouldn't have been disturbed by it any more so given she wasn't going to bring up the women's behaviour with her then moving makes the most logical sense.

Well I agree with you in part because down in London quite often I see Oscar and Tallullah hanging on the holding bars on Tubes whilst their parents are glued to their phones. These parents will be the first to complain if the train had to come to an emergency stop resulting in Oscar and Tallulah getting very badly hurt indeed.

I'm a tube station supervisor. The fare evaders are my top peeve, closely followed by inattentive parents, then the drunks/living dead. Some parents take great offence at being advised not to allow this behaviour, to the point of verbal violence. Their beautiful angels can do no wrong.

I understand where your conductor is coming from. He's tied by what his bosses tell him to do. He has no powers like a police officer. He's not a Health and Safety Inspector. He's not even a parenting guru. He will not be defended by his manager.

I see parents carry their kids on their shoulders down escalators. I could stop the escalator to teach them a lesson but that would be unprofessional. I can't tell them not to do it, however, or I get attitude. Or worse.

This is a society problem.

This. And it annoys me SO much.🤬

But why aren’t we allowed to ‘bash’ parents and kids if they are behaving badly? Let’s call a spade a spade, the mother was being shit here and should be called out on it.

you are making so many assumptions here. Do you only know perfect children who sit and chat in low voices? Are you ‘switched on’ in every scenario? Because there’ll be times my children look like the perfect children and times I Look like I’m not even bothered because I’m so tired and I don’t want everyone to listen to me constantly nagging and calling. Maybe she sat down and just saw they were all safe (vaping wasn’t great I’ll admit) and checked out. Yes not great but people saying she’s obviously a crap parent isn’t fair

I understand where the conductor was coming from as have had similar situations at work, with feral children/neglectful parents whose behaviour ruins the space foe everyone else. I do always speak to the parents, who usually shrug their shoulders and say either 'but he's 5!' ie. that's how all 5 year olds behave and I'm being unreasonable to suggest otherwise, or they yell at their child 'THIS LADY WANTS TO TALL TO YOU.' Then turn to me: 'go on, tell him off.'