Work Christmas do's

bjjgirl · 2023-11-30T16:06:26+00:00

AIBU to not go on work Christmas do's in the city where I work (45 mins away from Where I live) in my own time? If I am on my day off or my shift has ended why should I feel pressured to go and socialise with colleagues when I am With them all day ? It seems to offend people when I don't go- I just like to keep work separate from play iyswim. I really like them, I value my team and promote wellbeing but I don't want to see everyone get drunk and eat crap.plus time off is so valuable I'd rather not waste it. Happy for everyone to go without me or have a festive Buffett in the office in work time. I'd rather be with my family. Am I a misery? I have so many friend events / sport socials and family events I just don't want to be busy every weekend God I feel old

NotFastButFurious · 30/11/2023 16:09

YANBU
I've not been to mine for the last couple of years cos I'm just a bit done with having to be overly nice to drunk people I'd rather not spend my Friday evening with!

Dogcatmousecat · 30/11/2023 16:14

It just depends on individuals . My two closest friends and all my other good friends ,were all friends I have picked up over the last 40 years who I met at work in different places .
Am sure we first got to really know each other over a few drinks ,out of work hours !

CatamaranViper · 30/11/2023 16:16

I love a bit of socialising with colleagues, I find it a great way to get to know them better. But, I don't think anyone should feel pressured to go to anything they don't want to. You should absolutely be able to refuse an invite without there being negative repercussions

Original poster

bjjgirl · 30/11/2023 16:21

I just can't be bothered to spend my time off with them - it's the faff of travelling, being cold and generally the effort, to watch them get drunk (as I would be driving)) and pay too much for a crap roast dinner

I'm all for let's do a nice Buffett in works time

OP posts:

Original poster

bjjgirl · 30/11/2023 16:22

I just can't be bothered to spend my time off with them - it's the faff of travelling, being cold and generally the effort, to watch them get drunk (as I would be driving)) and pay too much for a crap roast dinner

I'm all for let's do a nice Buffett in works time

OP posts:

NotFastButFurious · 30/11/2023 16:27

I don't even have to pay for mine and it's easy to get to, I just don't want to go! Crap mass produced food and a drunken disco isn't my idea of a fun friday night and I have nothing to wear so would have had to go shopping and that's also up there in my idea of hell! A few of us are going out for a proper catch up and nice meal instead.

Dontcallmescarface · 30/11/2023 16:31

YNBU. In all my 40 years of working I have been to 2. None have ever been during work hours and driving back through cold, dark, country lanes afterwards (no buses and taxis are, and always were, very expensive), is a good enough reason not to bother IMO.

Tiree1965 · 30/11/2023 16:33

I guess a lot depends on what the ‘Christmas do’ is. We usually go for an activity late afternoon and those who want to keep drinking can and those who don’t head home. This year it’s bowling and games but we’ve also done cocktail making, ghost tours and a visit to the zoo.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/11/2023 16:35

bjjgirl · 30/11/2023 16:22

I just can't be bothered to spend my time off with them - it's the faff of travelling, being cold and generally the effort, to watch them get drunk (as I would be driving)) and pay too much for a crap roast dinner

I'm all for let's do a nice Buffett in works time

YANBU. Please don't bow to any pressure - if you don't want to go, don't.

TerrysNeapolitan · 30/11/2023 16:39

Not at all been there feel the same OP - different when I was young!

wiseoldcat · 30/11/2023 16:42

I have felt differently about work Christmas celebrations throughout my career - mostly depending on whether or not I like my colleagues at the time!

In my current job, my colleagues are lovely and I am really looking forward to the Christmas do. But a few years ago in my previous job, I'd have done anything to get out of it.

No one should be forced or feel obliged to go to a work do in their own time.

I also genuinely can't understand why anyone would be offended that a colleague chose not to go to the Christmas do - it's just not everyone's thing and that's fine.

TheresaCrowd · 30/11/2023 16:43

Are you sure it offends them?

I only ask because someone I work with bangs on and on about how she can't go/doesn't want to go/has a family and a second job and no-one understands etc.

Yet genuinely no-one gives it a second thought, because if you can't or don't want to go, it's fair enough and we all understand that.

topnoddy · 30/11/2023 16:56

I've never been to any works do ever .

I want to spend time off doing what i want to do not being with people I have to put up with at work all week

greencheetah · 30/11/2023 16:58

YANBU but I agree with PP I doubt anyone is remotely offended.

I really like my work colleagues so going out with them is a pleasure. In the past I have turned down such events and not thought twice about it.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 30/11/2023 17:01

I’ve been to some absolutely amazing Xmas do’s. A few absolutely awful ones. And a bunch of average ones. For me they are part of the whole festive period and I don’t think I’ve ever missed one. But each to their own. If you don’t fancy it, don’t go.

DerekFaker · 30/11/2023 17:05

Tiree1965 · 30/11/2023 16:33

I guess a lot depends on what the ‘Christmas do’ is. We usually go for an activity late afternoon and those who want to keep drinking can and those who don’t head home. This year it’s bowling and games but we’ve also done cocktail making, ghost tours and a visit to the zoo.

Aww I would love to do those things rather than the usual meal and drinks!

YANBU OP. Having to do it in your own time is crap, imo.

Sworntofun · 30/11/2023 17:08

YANBU. Not going in mine. Same situation. I live a long way from work and am not on shift on the day they are going out.
Lots of people don’t bother. Usually it’s a case of an over priced average meal and sitting next to someone you don’t know or like. Stop worrying, you’re overthinking it. Enjoy time with your family.

RampantIvy · 30/11/2023 17:13

bjjgirl · 30/11/2023 16:21

I just can't be bothered to spend my time off with them - it's the faff of travelling, being cold and generally the effort, to watch them get drunk (as I would be driving)) and pay too much for a crap roast dinner

I'm all for let's do a nice Buffett in works time

The do does sound rather joyless. We aren't having a do, just a fuddle at work. Just give your apologies.

Zanatdy · 30/11/2023 17:16

I think it’s fine to go or not go, just don’t agree then bail on the day

TheresaCrowd · 30/11/2023 17:29

RampantIvy · 30/11/2023 17:13

The do does sound rather joyless. We aren't having a do, just a fuddle at work. Just give your apologies.

Show quote history

Loving the use of the word 'fuddle' here. I haven't heard it for ages and it's so fitting! 🤣🤣🍷🍷

Newestname002 · 30/11/2023 17:42

I tended to give these a swerve as it was expensive to get/from the venues booked and I disliked having to socialise when I preferred curling up on the sofa with a 🍷 and a good movie, knowing I had just a few steps till I got to bed. Frankly I'd have much preferred the time off or a good gift voucher... 🌹

Hbh17 · 30/11/2023 17:44

Work Christmas dos are the seventh circle of hell and definitely to be avoided. One of the best things about going freelance was to escape all that utter nonsense, quite honestly.
OP, just don't go....

Verv · 30/11/2023 18:15

I like my work Christmas do's, but we're a small team of 10 who get on and there's no real hierarchy.
Our boss (company owner) takes us out for food and drinks/clubs etc.
It's usually a fun night with a stinky hangover.

Prior to working where I do now I hated them and rarely went.

teenagetantrums · 30/11/2023 18:20

I'm skipping mine, new work place everyone so much younger than me. I cant be bothered , l have made suitable excuse l don't think they will care if l go or not. I'm still having to do the bloody secret Santa though.

Notmetoo · 30/11/2023 18:24

You are not being unreasonable at all. Just say no