Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work Christmas do's

60 replies

bjjgirl · 30/11/2023 16:06

AIBU to not go on work Christmas do's in the city where I work (45 mins away from
Where I live) in my own time?

If I am on my day off or my shift has ended why should I feel pressured to go and socialise with colleagues when I am
With them all day ?

It seems to offend people when I don't go- I just like to keep work separate from play iyswim.

I really like them, I value my team and promote wellbeing but I don't want to see everyone get drunk and eat crap.plus time off is so valuable I'd rather not waste it.

Happy for everyone to go without me or have a festive Buffett in the office in work time.

I'd rather be with my family. Am I a misery?

I have so many friend events / sport socials and family events I just don't want to be busy every weekend

God I feel old

OP posts:
5128gap · 30/11/2023 18:33

I have a lovely colleague, who everytime something social comes up just smiles and says 'Ah, no, it's not for me thank you' if people try to persuade she says 'no, really, I don't want to go, but thank you'. People sometimes speculate about it, but no one gets offended or thinks less of her. She's a good colleague every day of the year and that's more important than whether she turns up on the odd night out or not and it's her day to day behaviour people judge her on.

doitwithlove · 30/11/2023 18:45

I am not going to my works doo, I enjoy working with my colleagues but make no effort to socialise with them.

DixonD · 30/11/2023 18:46

Of course not. I’ve not been to mine for years (at least 5).

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 30/11/2023 18:55

i'm part time and while i don't particularly enjoy christmas dos i swap working days if necessary to attend. well i go to any foof offered and the pub, but if any 'sport' (drts, table tennis and putting have been recent ones) has been arranged i opt out of that and watch as i'm ancient and useless. it's good for team work and bonding. but if it was on a friday night i might think again, there are limits to my endurance, though work has never organised evenings out on Fridays thank goodness.

Benibidibici · 30/11/2023 19:00

Doesn't anyone have real friends at work? I get on really well with my team, im happy to socialise with them outside office hours just as I'm happy to go for drinks with my other friends.

Im really looking forward to our Christmas do. The summer drinks were really fun.

AhBiscuits · 30/11/2023 19:03

Yanbu to not go if you don't want to.

My colleagues are lovely and fun people, it's a pleasure to spend time with them. Our job is frantic and high pressure. It's nice to see them and be able to chat about something other than closures and revenue targets.
Ours is black tie and I'm looking forward to a rare opportunity to get glammed up.

maddiemookins16mum · 30/11/2023 19:04

I often wonder if my fellow Mumsnetters are the worst colleagues ever. Many of you seem to really dislike the thought of spending any time (even a few hours at Christmas) with people you work with.

I’m guessing it’s just me that has always found really good friends through my workplaces, some I’m still close friends with 35 years later.

We have our ‘do’ two weeks tonight, I’m really looking forward to a great evening with people I like very much and care about.

Am I in the minority?

Judijudi · 30/11/2023 19:05

I’ve got to the stage in my life where I won’t do anything I don’t want to or spend time with people I don’t want. Work people are just that I really don’t want to see them any other time. I like most of them but not enough to spend an evening with them. I don’t even make excuses any more I just say no I’m not going.

PullTheStringsAndAddSomeRings · 30/11/2023 19:16

I detest Christmas and do everything I can to avoid any of the ‘festivities’ so you’ve got my permission to swerve!

RampantIvy · 30/11/2023 21:23

maddiemookins16mum · 30/11/2023 19:04

I often wonder if my fellow Mumsnetters are the worst colleagues ever. Many of you seem to really dislike the thought of spending any time (even a few hours at Christmas) with people you work with.

I’m guessing it’s just me that has always found really good friends through my workplaces, some I’m still close friends with 35 years later.

We have our ‘do’ two weeks tonight, I’m really looking forward to a great evening with people I like very much and care about.

Am I in the minority?

I agree. Most mumsnetters seem to be introverts who hate their work colleagues and think that work Christmas dos are the work of the devil.

My reality is that I have a job I love with people I genuinely like and want to socialise with outside of work hours. I am still close friends with someone I used to work with nearly 40 years ago. Are workplaces more toxic now or are people more unsociable now? Or do the sociable people who get on with their workmates not post on mumsnet?

CoffeeCantata · 30/11/2023 22:44

I agree OP. I've never met anyone who likes these things. Nothing personal to colleagues - as you say, just stop work for a couple of hours and have a nice buffet lunch or afternoon tea and a jolly good laugh.

But having to travel in the evening and go to some fancy venue, dress up and pay good money to spend time with embarrassing drunks on a cold, dark, winter evening...no thanks.

alwaystroubleonmn · 01/12/2023 10:54

We try to choose a nice restaurant to eat in, depending on numbers - everything's paid for, it starts early. If someone doesn't want to go that's fair enough.

Pinky2023 · 03/12/2023 18:42

If you don’t want to go then don’t , especially if you’re splitting the bill and can’t drink as you’re driving !

LemonLight · 03/12/2023 19:07

YANBU, my work is doing a Christmas lunch AND and Christmas evening after work. Lunch is enough for me 😂

MumblesParty · 03/12/2023 19:08

RampantIvy · 30/11/2023 21:23

I agree. Most mumsnetters seem to be introverts who hate their work colleagues and think that work Christmas dos are the work of the devil.

My reality is that I have a job I love with people I genuinely like and want to socialise with outside of work hours. I am still close friends with someone I used to work with nearly 40 years ago. Are workplaces more toxic now or are people more unsociable now? Or do the sociable people who get on with their workmates not post on mumsnet?

Show quote history

I’ve been working for 32 years and of course I’ve met many people at my various jobs who have become good friends. But I think it’s quite unusual to be friends with all your current work colleagues.

I loved Christmas parties in my 20s - big carefree nights out with other 20-somethings, with none of us having any responsibilities or worries about wiping out the next day. But these days I’m much more selective who I spend time with. Life is busy and time is precious, and whilst I get on fine with my work colleagues, and would happily go out with one or two of them, spending a loud drunken evening with all of them is just not my thing.

CKL987 · 03/12/2023 19:57

I have never worked anywhere that anyone gives a flying fuck if someone doesn't attend the Christmas party. I've seen this kind of question a couple of times and don't understand how people feel pressure to go.

RampantIvy · 03/12/2023 20:08

But I think it’s quite unusual to be friends with all your current work colleagues.

It is. We have a very tight and loyal team. I have never worked with so many people I genuinely like before. The boss calls it the dream team because she realises that the fact that we all get on wth each other with no big egos is unusual.

It probably helps that most of us are older and at a similar stage in life with older or grown up DC, and are happy and comfortable and don't feel the need to prove ourselves.

Our Christmas dos are a meal out and a few drinks, not a loud drunken evening.

We sound so boring, don't we Grin

poppy1973 · 03/12/2023 20:17

Having to turn out on a cold evening. Not being any to get a lift off anyone and then not being included in the bottles of wine that they were buying - was so depressing. I just can’t be bothered anymore and won’t be bothering again!!

Bonbon249 · 03/12/2023 20:55

This - I have felt very differently about colleagues from different places - some I didn't care for at all and they made it clear it was mutual but they were surprised I wouldn't go on nights out - one even went as to assure me that they knew how to use cutlery properly! Whereas my last lot of colleagues were great and we went out and had a good time without getting too drunk.

LlynTegid · 03/12/2023 20:57

If you decline in good time, it's their issue if they don't like it. Letting down last minute is not reasonable, but plenty of notice is.

NoThanksymm · 04/12/2023 01:30

I think you can leave work. Do some close by Christmas shopping, make an appearance and have a cup of tea or something and then skip out before the ‘crap roast’.

it’s a Christmas party. Once a year. You can take a half hour of time.

allhailthebrain · 04/12/2023 02:49

I had this in a job once - I was commuting best part of an hour, and I was working slightly different hours to the rest (10-6 instead of 9-5) because I had small children - they did not, apart from the boss.
When I had my 3 month review, he said he was keeping me on probation because I wasn't integrating with the rest of the team socially.

The nights out were generally at about 7.30 and near work. I had kids that were barely seeing me for an hour before bedtime as it was!

I didn't work there much longer. It was the first warning sign, put it that way! Being judged on what I do with my time outside of work, in very clear different circumstances to the others, was a real shock.

Baba197 · 04/12/2023 06:44

YANBU I feel the same and hate the feeling of pressure to go

Nofilteritwonthelp · 04/12/2023 06:46

I think that's quite pathetic tbh to not be able to go to your one Christmas function, it's once a year. I'd hate having someone in my team who made zero effort

Nofilteritwonthelp · 04/12/2023 06:51

maddiemookins16mum · 30/11/2023 19:04

I often wonder if my fellow Mumsnetters are the worst colleagues ever. Many of you seem to really dislike the thought of spending any time (even a few hours at Christmas) with people you work with.

I’m guessing it’s just me that has always found really good friends through my workplaces, some I’m still close friends with 35 years later.

We have our ‘do’ two weeks tonight, I’m really looking forward to a great evening with people I like very much and care about.

Am I in the minority?

I'm with you. I've only had one workplace where I haven't liked anyone enough to feel like that. I've always had several good friends in every place I've worked, some more than 20 years. I met my DH at work! I've always really looked forward to my Xmas party