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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work Christmas do's

60 replies

bjjgirl · 30/11/2023 16:06

AIBU to not go on work Christmas do's in the city where I work (45 mins away from
Where I live) in my own time?

If I am on my day off or my shift has ended why should I feel pressured to go and socialise with colleagues when I am
With them all day ?

It seems to offend people when I don't go- I just like to keep work separate from play iyswim.

I really like them, I value my team and promote wellbeing but I don't want to see everyone get drunk and eat crap.plus time off is so valuable I'd rather not waste it.

Happy for everyone to go without me or have a festive Buffett in the office in work time.

I'd rather be with my family. Am I a misery?

I have so many friend events / sport socials and family events I just don't want to be busy every weekend

God I feel old

OP posts:

Hijohn · 04/12/2023 07:37

I hate them and our managers won’t stop going on like we’re bloody children. Countdown to Christmas. Like we are fucking 5 years old.

cuthbertthecat · 04/12/2023 08:41

I like my colleagues very much in the whole but I hate Xmas parties.

In my first job it was a small privately owned family business with a young workforce and it was great. I made an epic mistake I'm still married to 25 years later.

Subsequent ones have just got worse. Bigger more corporate employers, less fun. As I've got older the logistics have put me off a lot. Food is invariably rubbish and transport is a nightmare. I have been to 2 in 7 years and been home by 10.30.

Small team events, lunches, even a much more chilled summer party yep, can do that. It's just Christmas parties leave me cold.

ICanSeeARainbow · 04/12/2023 11:40

Absolutely YANBU, I never go to do's at my work after watching the single men drool over women including those who are married and have no intention of falling for their "drunken charm". One girl embarked on an affair with one colleague and she was forever convincing people to go out with them so she had a cover story. The worst one I went to was the 40th of someone who I consider a friend, and a guy who thought he was the bees knees spent all night trying to find out where I live (I too am not local to work) and convince me to go home with him 'because we'd have fun'. No thanks!!!! Never been out with them since and never will again!!! I spend time out of work with the few who I am 'friendly' with and keep the rest at arms length!!!!! I'd rather be at home with my family, or out out with my actual real life friends!!

AelinGalathynius · 04/12/2023 12:42

Our Christmas do is always a huge thing in a hired venue, drinking and dancing and everyone gets shitfaced. Maybe I’m a misery too but it’s just not my idea of fun. I really do like my colleagues, honestly, just not been into partying for a good few years now! I’d actually be more likely to go if it was just an overpriced roast dinner and home after 😂

RampantIvy · 04/12/2023 13:13

That kind of do isn't my idea of fun either @AelinGalathynius. I much prefer a nice meal out with my immediate team.

Headband · 04/12/2023 13:19

I used to love a Christmas party but I'm much older now and the excitement has worn off. I am going to this year's though as felt pressured to attend- it's a bloody 3 hour drive away and I'm dreading it.

Pugdogmom · 04/12/2023 13:34

My work is a 45 minute drive too. It either involves me staying in a hotel or driving. I really can't be bothered anymore, so I just don't go.
I'm fine with team lunches and stuff, but I'm not prepared to give up my free time to spend with people I've worked all week with.

SerenChocolateMuncher · 04/12/2023 16:38

We have team Christmas lunches when different teams take it in turns during December to take an extended lunch break and go to a local restaurant for a festive meal. I'm happy to go to this kind of Christmas do and usually enjoy it. As we return to work afterwards, no one drinks too much and it's more civilised.

However, in addition to that we usually have a big do the whole department is invited to. It's held on a Friday or Saturday night, usually in one of the big hotels in town. At least 80 of the 120 staff usually go. I hate it and always find an excuse not to go.

I like my work colleagues well enough, but don't want to socialise with them in my own time. I want to spend that time with my husband and family.

Also, I always feel uncomfortable and embarrassed when I see people I want to respect professionally (especially senior managers) in a drunken state. It's bad enough on the following Monday morning when everyone is laughing about "John's" and "Karen's" "hilarious" drunken antics on the dance floor. I don't want to witness it in real time.

BigDahliaFan · 04/12/2023 16:45

Depends where I've worked really.

One place, we are still going out for a Christmas do together 20 years later even though only 1 of us still works for that company. I really enjoy it...even though now it's a lunch and we are usually all home and tucked it up in front of the telly by 7 pm.

We used to be out till all hours, shots, dancing the lot - it's how I got together with my husband.

Current place...we have a nice buffet in the office and anyone who wants to slopes off to the pub after. We've a couple of non drinkers, people with young kids who want to get home, there's only a few of us and it just works.

Don't go if you don't want to.

Wolfpa · 06/12/2023 12:26

Do what you want to do just don’t get upset if plans move forwards without you and you stop getting invited to places.

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