Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog ownership - responsibility not a right

80 replies

Baffledandalarmed · 30/11/2023 09:27

My friend is considering getting a Golden.

I have one, and he is everything a Golden should be. He’s high energy (2+hrs a day off the lead which is 8-10 miles at my walking speed) and still ready for more, high mental stimulation needs, expensive to insure and feed, boisterous and quite needy. He’ll grow out of the last two as he’s still young, but he’ll always be high energy and need lots of mental stimulation. I knew this when I decided to get him. I also have another high energy dog. The Golden is everything his breed should be in much the same way a Jack Russel is instinctively going to be a destructive (including digging holes) if it’s also not exercised given its instincts.

IMO she is in no way capable of giving a Golden the exercise or stimulation it needs.

I have always viewed dog ownership as ‘A responsibility not a right.’ I would never get a dog breed that I wasn’t capable of meeting the needs of (I.e I’d love a collie but outside of the v. select few families who do have the right lifestyle, they are not appropriate family pets for the majority).

So, wise people on mumsnet - tell me;

YABU - everyone has a right to a dog of any breed, regardless of whether having a dog fits with their lifestyle choices. You should beak out.

YANBU - It is a responsibility to own a dog and people should get breeds that fit their lifestyle. You should be a good friend and explain the risk she is running if she gets a high energy/high stimulation dog like a Golden and gentle steer her away to something less energetic like a Chinese crested or even a guinea pig.

OP posts:
Catleveltired · 30/11/2023 09:29

Neither. You don't sound like her friend.

SoddingWeddings · 30/11/2023 09:32

2hrs a day is a LOT for any dog. Most owners cannot provide that - we certainly don't and mine has husky, malamute, greyhound and collie in her. She has brain games, slow speed high sniff walks and off lead runs to attend to different parts of her personality and DNA, but not 8-10miles a day. That's wholly unnecessary.

Your mate may not be able to do 8-10miles each day, but that's normal, not neglectful. Watch out for arthritis in your dog and ailments associated with over exercising them.

greencheetah · 30/11/2023 09:35

You don’t like this woman at all do you?

Why are you saying she can’t meet the dogs needs? She hasn’t even got it yet!

Original poster
Baffledandalarmed · 30/11/2023 09:36

greencheetah · 30/11/2023 09:35

You don’t like this woman at all do you?

Why are you saying she can’t meet the dogs needs? She hasn’t even got it yet!

She isn't home at all during the day during the week. She's out from 8 - 6. That is not someone who should own a dog (let alone a Golden!).

She can be my friend and I can still think she's being naive about what a dog is like.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 30/11/2023 09:38

2 hours of off lead walks every day is bonkers and completely unobtainable to most dog owners. It also sets the dog up to think they need that level of exercise, what's wrong with mental brain games and sniffy walks?

Although as others have said you obviously don't really like this women however from what you've said it doesn't actually sound like she's an unsuitable dog owner.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 30/11/2023 09:39

I can't vote. I don't think everyone should have a right to a dog but I don't think it's your place, responsibility or job to infantilise your friend and lecture her on dog ownership. You are making too many assumptions e.g. that she hasn't done her own research or spoken to a breeder or trainer, and you're treating her like a naughty child not like your friend.

AdultLounge · 30/11/2023 09:41

Blimey I'm shocked that people think 2 hours a day is too much! Genuinely shocked!

It's not much! An hour in the morning and an hour in the evening.

I can see why there are so many probs with dogs in the UK now! Too busy taking them to local cafe instead of walk g them!!

It just goes to show how many owners are truly ignorant of a dog's needs.

caramac04 · 30/11/2023 09:44

YANBU. Irresponsible dog owners are complained about almost daily on Mumsnet.

Stephisaur · 30/11/2023 09:44

YANBU in that dog ownership IS a responsibility.

I would love a dog, but DH doesn't want to take on the responsibilty at this stage in our lives, so we won't get one.

However, just because your friend isn't home during the day in the week doesn't necessarily mean that the dog will be neglected. We have a multitude of "doggy day cares" in my area, which plenty of people use. My parents sent their dog to one for a short while, and she received far more stimulation than she would have done at home with them (and they're really hands on with her!)

Have you raised your concerns with your friend?

Daffodildilys · 30/11/2023 09:45

We have a small terrier mixed breed dog (from a rescue). He will happily be off lead for 2 hours a day - possibly more if he can get it.
Yanbu. Poor dog cooped up all day.

YourNameGoesHere · 30/11/2023 09:45

AdultLounge · 30/11/2023 09:41

Blimey I'm shocked that people think 2 hours a day is too much! Genuinely shocked!

It's not much! An hour in the morning and an hour in the evening.

I can see why there are so many probs with dogs in the UK now! Too busy taking them to local cafe instead of walk g them!!

It just goes to show how many owners are truly ignorant of a dog's needs.

Why are you shocked 2 + hours of being off lead basically running a marathon everyday is too much! Running off lead for hours every day is not the only or best way to exercise a dog.

YorkshirePuddingBelongs · 30/11/2023 09:47

I can’t believe people have said YABU. Those poor dogs not having their needs met just because someone wants a cute pet.

Iheartmysmart · 30/11/2023 09:49

I agree with you. Dog ownership is bloody hard work and needs a lot of commitment. Far too many people get dogs without giving any thought as to how they can meet the dogs needs. They don’t bother to look into what the breed was bred to do and if that will fit in with their lifestyle and circumstances. You then get unhappy dogs who will eventually end up in a rescue centre because some idiot didn’t give sufficient thought to what having a dog really entails.

squirrelnutkin10 · 30/11/2023 09:50

AdultLounge · Today 09:41

Blimey I'm shocked that people think 2 hours a day is too much! Genuinely shocked!

It's not much! An hour in the morning and an hour in the evening.

I can see why there are so many probs with dogs in the UK now! Too busy taking them to local cafe instead of walk g them!!

It just goes to show how many owners are truly ignorant of a dog's needs.

This totally ^

Mothership4two · 30/11/2023 09:51

If she has to leave it from 8-6 then she shouldn't get a dog, but isn't she going to get a dog walker? Although that is still unfair in my view - too long alone even with one walk. Our neighbour's bearded collie had a nervous breakdown after being left all day - TBF they never walked it and would come back around 5-6, let it out in the garden, feed it and then go out to the pub leaving it behind and return around 11ish most days of the week. Poor thing. It had to have specialist treatment at a bearded collie rescue centre.

Original poster
Baffledandalarmed · 30/11/2023 09:51

Stephisaur · 30/11/2023 09:44

YANBU in that dog ownership IS a responsibility.

I would love a dog, but DH doesn't want to take on the responsibilty at this stage in our lives, so we won't get one.

However, just because your friend isn't home during the day in the week doesn't necessarily mean that the dog will be neglected. We have a multitude of "doggy day cares" in my area, which plenty of people use. My parents sent their dog to one for a short while, and she received far more stimulation than she would have done at home with them (and they're really hands on with her!)

Have you raised your concerns with your friend?

I don't think she can afford to pay for doggy day care every day or a dog walker every day - and the only 'support' she has nearby is me and I already have two dogs of my own, I can't take on responsibility for hers if she needs support. She often mentions how she can't afford things etc and I know she's not exaggerating.

I'm trying to decide what to do! And if I raise it, how to raise it...

A third option might actually be to have her spend a day with my Golden and actually see what it's really like (as opposed to the crap on YouTube that makes dog ownership seem like a breeze)?

OP posts:
DodoNest · 30/11/2023 09:52

I definitely agree that people should select a breed based on their lifestyle and not based on what they think looks cute. I also don't see why people think 2 hours is a lot of walking. We have a small low energy dog and we do at least an hour so I would assume people with high energy dogs would need to do 2+.

Mothership4two · 30/11/2023 09:52

Agree @squirrelnutkin10 our dog gets an hour and a half to two hours a day and she isn't a high energy dog.

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/11/2023 09:52

i broadly agree with your points, although I think you are a little harsh or rigid in your thinking re your friend. Certainly agree dogs are a responsibility not a right, and it’s frankly insane to get a breed that doesn’t suit your life style - just not fair on the dog, or you. I have three rescue dogs - being rescues they require a lot of support up front, and you inevitably have challenges to deal with due to a troubled past. It’s worth it and I am happy to do it. It’s not for everyone.

Livelovebehappy · 30/11/2023 09:53

Baffledandalarmed · 30/11/2023 09:36

She isn't home at all during the day during the week. She's out from 8 - 6. That is not someone who should own a dog (let alone a Golden!).

She can be my friend and I can still think she's being naive about what a dog is like.

Show quote history

Of course yanbu, but she might get a dog walker? Many do. Guess she didnt realise you were going to tell the story on mn or she may have given you more detail.....

Mothership4two · 30/11/2023 09:58

If she definitely isn't going to get daycare/a dog walker then I would be upfront with her and say that to leave a dog alone for 10 hours a day is actually cruel. Even with a dog walker coming in once a day, I think, is too long on it's own.

Yes you should research breeds before you get one, but the only dog your friend should be getting with her current lifestyle is a cuddly plush one.

Livelovebehappy · 30/11/2023 09:59

YorkshirePuddingBelongs · 30/11/2023 09:47

I can’t believe people have said YABU. Those poor dogs not having their needs met just because someone wants a cute pet.

Maybe people are reacting to the fact that OP actually needs 'wise' mumsnetters to confirm something that is so obvious when you look at how she has worded the 'yabu'..

Missingmyusername · 30/11/2023 09:59

YANBU but I don’t think any pet should be left alone, by itself 8 hours a day.
Even with a dog walker, they’re still on their own too long.

It probably is ok if the dog is older, maybe get a pet sitter to sit with them and give them a walk.

The people saying two hours walk a day is too much hahahahaha! It’s not! I used to get up at 5am to walk dog an hour. Walk dog again lunchtime for 30 mins and then again after work for off lead exercise.

My friend actually borrowed my young lab for a day and night and said fuck this shit….🤣 what she wanted was a dog at the weekend to walk NOT in the week. 🤷🏼‍♀️

TryAgainWithFeeling · 30/11/2023 10:00

I generally agree, though you’re coming off a bit judgemental and perhaps need to consider that there is not only one way to be right on this.

But also I think lending her your dog for a day, or preferably a weekend, is an excellent idea. Dog will probably be under exercised, but that will be fine for a day or two, she’ll get a proper experience of what it’s like to have a sizeable, energetic dog around.

Whinge · 30/11/2023 10:01

The people saying two hours walk a day is too much hahahahaha! It’s not! I used to get up at 5am to walk dog an hour. Walk dog again lunchtime for 30 mins and then again after work for off lead exercise.

I don't think anyone has said 2 hours exercise is too much, it's the 2 hours off lead exercise that posters are replying to. Some off lead time is important, but I supect most owners aren't walking their dogs off lead for 8 - 10 miles every day.